Unexpected

22. Helen

My back is leaning against the wall, I hug my knees to my chest, I stare into space.

Jade is still here, and I don't even know what she's already doing at home. She remained silent after insisting a bit, I tried to say something but every time I burst into sobs.

I feel awful, I'm confused. Why on earth would I have to stop him? Why did he react that way? I need to understand. What is the trouble he means? All this makes no sense.

But the real problem is Jade now. Obviously she imagines what we did — or what we were about to do. I betrayed her trust. How do I tell her that I went to bed with the guy who only used her to fuck? She'll think I'm a fool, a shit friend. I'm both.

Maybe these are the troubles Harry meant, my friendship with Jade. No, impossible. He's selfish, he doesn't give a shit about me and if my friendship with my best friend falls apart because of him. It's not possible that he gives me all this importance. There must be something else that stops him, but I have no idea what it could be.

My throat feels dry and the floor is getting uncomfortable. I get up and do my bra, then go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.

A little later Jade joins me and sits down on one of the stools. She remains silent for a while, but I know that she is thinking about what to tell me, how to make me feel like an idiot. "Helen," she says suddenly in a neutral tone.

I don't look at her, I'm ashamed to meet her brown eyes. "Why are you here? Evan?"

She sighs. "I felt guilty for leaving you alone... but apparently you had better things to do—" I know what she's going to say "—like fucking with the guy who used me." Exact.

"We weren't doing anything, Jade." It's half true, we didn't have time to go on because Harry started getting paranoid.

She giggles sarcastically. "Oh, sure. His undershirt wasn't on the floor with your apron, you didn't just redid your bra from under your top." I glare at her for a second. "Please don't make that face. I know you, get over it."

"Jade, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have lowered my guard so much, it's just that I—" I try to make excuses, but she cuts me off.

"How? You know very well how he is, especially after what happened with me! How was it possible?" she raised her voice.

I slam the glass on the marble and it makes a loud noise, it almost breaks. "He stopped me, okay?"

She looks at me confused. "What do you mean?"

"He pulled back to 'not get me into trouble'," I quote the words of Harry himself.

"Why would he want to do that? He's the one who doesn't care about anyone, he usually doesn't care if he gets you in trouble or not..."

I watch her in silence as she speaks, as I try to understand what prompted him to stop me.

"Helen, it's too strange, there's something bigger behind it," she finally says.

"Yes, but what?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know, and for this you have to stay away from him, you don't know what his intentions are and he is really capable of dragging you to hell with him, as was happening to me." She pauses. "And the fact remains that you can't see him, you know what he did to me, how important he was to me, it's the friend code."

I chuckle. "God, J, we're not in eighth grade, we're in our third year of college."

"Right, but some rules never change. I don't want our relationship to ruin for a man-whore like him, okay?" She reaches out to take my hands. "Promise me it won't happen again."

"I promise you," I say. She looks at me and smiles, I immediately want to hug her. I walk around the table and throw myself into her arms. "I'm so sorry, really."

She strokes my back. "Don't worry, as long as it doesn't happen again."

I detach myself from her embrace and then I propose to see a movie while we eat the cookies. She doesn't ask me if Harry and I did them together. We watch the movie in peace, as if nothing had happened.

I thought worse.

When the movie ends, I go take a shower and immediately go to bed. But I can't fall asleep right away.

All I have to do is stay away from him, and in a short time none of this will ever happen. You don't watch a movie you didn't like, do you?