Unexpected

52. Helen

When I get to the apartment, I don't even bother closing the door.

"Helen?" I hear Jade calling me.

But I rush into the bathroom, kneel in front of the toilet, push my hair away from my face, and throw up.

I cough and I still throw it down, but it's just gastric juices, because I ate nothing last night and not even this morning.

"Helen... Oh my God." Jade walks into the bathroom and walks over to me. "What did you eat?"

I swallow, trying to control myself. "Nothing, J..." I look at her for a moment, before sinking my face back into the toilet.

Jade holds my hair and head. "Wait," she begins to tell me, "you woke up this morning and... you weren't feeling well?"

I nod, and feel like I'm done. I sit on the ground, hugging my legs. "I felt dizzy for a moment and then I felt sick," I explain.

She looks at me worried, her brow furrowed. "Did you have any other problems by any chance?" she asks me.

I think about it for a moment. Yup.

"I also have cramps in my lower abdomen, and when we were... you know, my nipples hurt," I tell her. "This has never happened to me."

"Do they still hurt you?"

"I don't know."

"Touch yourself," she suggests.

I put a hand on one of my breasts and try to pinch the nipple. I gasp, immediately feeling pain.

"Helen..." Jade begins. "This is not normal."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Sore breasts, cramps in the lower abdomen, morning sickness... Did you have unprotected sex?" she asks her.

"Twice."

"Didn't you take the pill?"

And at this point the realization hits me right in the brain. Shit.

I feel my eyes starting to fill with tears, my heart beating wildly, and I think I might pass out.

"Helen? Didn't you take it?" she asks me again.

I shake my head, and blink, heavy tears wet my face.

"Jesus Christ," Jade says, closing her eyes and putting her head in her hands. "Why?"

I sob. "What do you mean why? Do you think I wanted to get pregnant now?" I sob again, and run my hands over my face. "In those days so many things happened that...that..."

Jade hugs me tightly, trying to comfort me as I sob in her arms.

What will I do now? How the hell do I tell Harry?

"I'll go buy a pregnancy test for you later, okay?" she tells me, and I nod. "Get dressed and go to lunch with your parents."

I shake my head. "I don't know if I can do it, J."

"You have to go! They came all the way here for you."

I sigh. "I know..."

"Show them a fake smile this time, you'll see it'll be fine." She kisses my head and gets up. "I love you."

I sit on the floor for a few more minutes, thinking about what will become of my life if I'm really pregnant.

Theoretically, it should be born in November, before graduation of course, which complicates everything.

I have no idea how Harry might react, and that scares me to death. What if he dumps me right after I tell him? I don't even want to think about it.

But I don't even know if I'll keep it, it all depends on the various circumstances. Harry, my parents, the chances of giving him a happy life...

Oh my God.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

• • •

The lunch with my parents went good actually, even though I didn't eat that much. They saw my red and swollen eyes but didn't say anything, and this time I'm grateful they didn't care.

We talked about what I wanna do after graduation or meanwhile, my relationship with Harry, my friends, and other things.

I had a good time after all.

Now I'm heading back home, feeling exhausted.

While I'm in the elevator, my phone chimes. It's Harry: Hey baby. How was lunch? he asks.

Fine, I'm going home, I type back.

Him: See you later?

Me: At mine, yup. Love you.

Him: Love you too.

The doors open and I step out, walking to my apartment door. I enter, finding Jade laying on the couch, scrolling through Instagram.

"Hey," I say. "Did you go to the pharmacy?" I ask her.

She puts down her phone. "Yes, the test is on your nightstand," she tells me. "Take it whenever you feel ready."

I take a deep breath and exhale. "Okay, now I need to rest because I feel very tired."

She gives me a sympathetic look. "Alright, doll. If you need me, scream," she says laughing.

I put my purse down and go to my room, immediately throwing myself on the bed. Oh, God, I feel exhausted.

I peer at the nightstand, and see the box of the pregnancy test. I feel sick just looking at it. I'm scared of what might come next.

I get under the covers and hug my knees, the bed suddenly feeling too big and I feeling so alone.

But after ten minutes I fall asleep, cramps still hurting my lower abdomen and fear filling my dreams.