Unexpected

23. Helen

I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for three days, neither on schoolwork nor on the song nor on myself... nothing. The only thing that crosses my mind all the time is what happened with Harry on Tuesday.

I still can't explain why he said those things, what trouble he means, why he can't stop... It can't be that it's me, I'm not that important to him. We've known each other for a long time but neither of us has ever cared about the other. Why should this have changed now? He hates me, I hate him. He hurt my best friend, and hate is the first feeling I should feel for him. But now... I feel confused and teased. He hasn't left my thoughts for days and this seems so strange to me, I don't understand why I'm tormenting myself so much about him. I am sure that as soon as I have some answers I won't think about him anymore. We had some fun, fine.

A part of me, however, would like to find out more about him, would like to ask him a thousand questions, but I cannot go further. He will never want, I know him, I know what he's like from that point of view. Michael is his best friend, but about him he only knows what he wants him to know. Grace once told us that Michael had asked Harry a personal question and he replied that it was none of his business, that some things he prefers to keep private. Michael persisted and Harry finally freaked out. Grace didn't go any further.

However he does not speak to me, he looks at me, but he doesn't speak to me, not even hello. And I'm not going to, unless I have to. I'm not mad, I just don't know what to do, because I know he's pissed off at me.

And as the icing on the cake of this whole situation, today is Saturday and like every Saturday there is a party, and Jade forces me to go there. I told her a thousand times that I didn't feel like it, but she insisted and I gave in.

"Helen! You want to start to— Helen..."She walks into my room and when she sees me lying on the bed with my hands by my hips she looks at me with pity. "Hey, what's up?" She sits next to me.

I shake my head and clear my throat. "Nothing."

She sighs and strokes my shoulder. "Come on, get ready." I justified my distraction these days with a headache, which is why she is so understanding.

"Mhm... I don't want to go there," I complain.

"Come on! It's not possible that you still have a headache! If so, I'll take you to the emergency room," she looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

I burst out laughing at her expression. "No, I'm fine, don't worry. But I don't want to go there anyway."

She pulls me from my wrists and makes me sit down. "But why?" she asks, desperate.

I take a deep breath and all in one breath say, "I don't feel like it."

She giggles. "Impossible, you never refuse when someone proposes to go to a party."

True, but I don't want to see Harry Davis, I would like to tell her but I don't.

She keeps insisting and eventually she manages to get me up. "Go do your hair and make up, I already know what you can wear."

I nod and go to the bathroom. I turn on the curling iron — today I want to do some natural curls — and while I wait for it to warm up I make up, not much — just highlighter, mascara and lip gloss. Once I'm ready, I go back to my room to get dressed.

I am surprised by the outfit she has chosen. "Shit, Jade, this? I never wore it." It is a burgundy dress, tight, with a sweetheart neckline and thin straps, covered with pallets. And then the heels paired with this dress. It is truly a bombshell outfit, even too much for tonight perhaps.

"It's gorgeous, and you never wear it. Look, I don't understand you," she says, shaking her head. "In any case, you wear it tonight, period."

I chuckle and tell her to stay calm, I'll put it on.

A few minutes later I put it on and — wow — it's really cool, it fits me perfectly. My self-esteem has risen compared to just now, I feel much better.

"You see? You're parading, look at yourself." Jade looks at me with admiration. "God, why didn't you make me like this?" she says looking up and with folded hands; I burst out laughing.

"Here we go?" I ask her after spraying the perfume and taking the handbag.

She nods and turns off all the lights in the house, then we go out and get in the car.

On our way to the party I feel the anxiety return, I frantically move a leg and torment a small cuticle on my lower lip with my teeth, until I feel the taste of blood.

"Stop with that leg," Jade tells me as she concentrates on driving. How did she see it? "You distract me."

"Sorry," and I stop her, but then I start moving my hands.

"You're nervous?" she asks me casting a quick glance at me.

I immediately shake my head and my leg starts moving again.

Jade chuckles, amused. "You are, why?"

I can't tell her it's for Harry, I just can't. "I do not know."

She shrugs. "Tell me when you know," and she lets it go. Thank god.

When we arrive at the fraternity house Grace comes to meet us as usual.

We go out, in the back, where there are the usual sofas, and sitting in the chair last time there is him. Our eyes meet for a moment, then I look away, but I have the feeling that he is still looking at me.

Jade and I sit side by side on one of the sofa — Evan is to her right, and Grace and Michael are to my left... I'm having a hard time here, but I can't go anywhere else.

While he's not looking at me, I take another look at Harry. Oh shit... he's got his knuckles bandaged, and his bandages are stained with blood too.

He notices that I look at him and we look into each other's eyes for a few seconds. I know I have a questioning look on my face, which is why he shakes his head and then looks away.

I don't know why, but somehow I think I'm hitting with his hurt hands.

What happened?