Unexpected

38. Helen

Three weeks. I haven't heard from Harry for three weeks, nobody has. Where is he, what happened to him? He didn't even show up to classes, rehearsals with Miss Williams. We asked her about him and every time she came up with "I don't know". We all called him, many times, but it always went on the answering machine.

What happened to him?

I haven't seen him since that Monday in Vancouver, after what happened at my house. He's right, my father said some horrible things, but why run away like that and never be seen again? He left me completely alone, like he doesn't give a damn about me. I wonder if he ever really gave a damn...

I feel awful these days. I miss him, and not knowing where he's is torture, I feel guilty because Jade is still in the dark, and I think I have to get my period, yeah.

But I've decided, Jade deserves to know. I haven't seen Harry in a long time, he hasn't looked for me or anything, I think it's over at this point, so I think it's time to tell her everything.

"Hey, J." I am sitting in the armchair, the movie we were watching is paused because she went to the bathroom for a moment.

She comes back and dives back onto the sofa. "Tell me," she tells me, all cheerful and smiling as always.

I get up from the armchair and sit next to her. "There's something I'd like to tell you, but promise me you won't be angry. It's all over now, okay?" I put my hands forward.

She looks at me weird. "Um... okay, shoot it."

I take a deep breath before starting. "After seeing the video where Harry Davis admitted he only used you to fuck I couldn't sleep because of how angry I was, so I... called him to tell him he was a piece of shit." I stop for a moment.

"What?" she exclaims, surprised. "Oh my god, Helen..."

"Let me continue. After the Friday party of the same week he took me to his house and... we slept in the same bed."

"You told me you were with Daniel..." She's disappointed in me and I don't blame her, but the worst is yet to come.

"I know and I'm sorry, but you would have freaked out. Anyway... " I inhale "we kissed that night," I say exhaling.

Jade doesn't speak but her eyes are filling with water.

"I tried to avoid it, because it didn't feel right, but I couldn't. I'm sorry, J, I swear to you." My voice is shaky, I'm a bad friend.

She swallows, sniffles, her lip trembles and when she blinks two heavy tears from her run down her face. "Go ahead."

"There was a lot, Jade, really a lot," my tears come down, too, "and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but—"

"I bet you fucked... tell me that's it, come on," she tells me, but in a resigned tone of voice.

I take her gaze away from her eyes, and in this way she can figure out the answer for herself.

"You were the first to go against him and... and you betrayed me like that?" She shakes her head. "I had some doubts, I've always had them, but I didn't think you were capable of such a thing." She gets up and goes into the kitchen.

It's a big problem now, we live in the same house and not talking to each other isn't nice, but I had to tell her. I had no choice. There is no point in keeping all this hidden from her; Harry hasn't shown up for almost a month, who cares now?

I go to Jade, who is sitting at the counter, her head in her hands. "J... I'm really sorry, so much," I tell her, and I move closer to hug her.

"Don't touch me," she snaps. She is very angry... "Where is he now?" she says suddenly.

I look at her confused. "Who?"

"Your dear, beloved Harry."

I sigh. "I don't know, nobody knows actually."

"He left you, he didn't warn you. Do you know what this means?"

That he doesn't give a damn about me...

"I know..." My voice trembles and my vision fogs with tears again. "But I don't care, we didn't have a history, it was just a lot of fun."

"Then why are you crying?" she points out to me.

"I cry because..." she begins to say. "I'm just worried," and I start to go to my room. But it's not just this.

The truth is that I miss him, and it makes me angry to remember the way he left me, so suddenly. I have been terribly sick in the last few weeks, I haven't been able to concentrate on anything — I barely made it with the exams. I just thought, thought and thought. I thought about him. And in the moments when I found myself alone, I also burst into tears and sobs. I tried to call him every day, but the answering machine always went off. "Hey, Harry, it's me, Helen. Where are you? We're worried about you... Give us news please." My messages on his voicemail were all like this.

I hate him for what he did to me. He could have resisted if he wanted to. My father, Jade, no one could've stopped him... if only he wanted to. What did he do instead? He ran away, without saying anything to anyone, but especially to me, who maybe I'm the only one he has ever talked to the most in his entire life.

Why do I hate him? Because I care. And why do I care? Because... well, its him. But I know there's a lot more, just... I'm not ready to admit it.