Living With the Choices We Make (Domestic Violence / Abuse) ✔️

26 - Help Me

26 - Help Me  

For the first week, Kade and my plan worked perfectly. I told Brent I was working on a research project with a classmate so I could go to group counselling right after school two times a week but would soon learn that the extent of his control had manifested itself in every aspect of my life.

On the third day, he waited for me at home with a sullen expression.

"I went to the library to surprise you," he stated in an accusatory tone. "I couldn't find you and checked everywhere. Where the hell were you?"

I had to come up with a plausible explanation and fast. "We decided to study at Starbucks instead. Melissa wanted a coffee and they have free internet to do our research."

He bought it but I realized it would be a one-off. I called Kade and he immediately jumped in his mega worry mode.

"I was afraid this would happen. I will make arrangements for you to go to therapy during your lunch hour. You need to stay off the phone though. Brent will likely request a detailed bill from the phone company at some point showing all your connections and this is dangerous."

"How do we stay in contact then?" My heart was beating in my throat, I realized I was walking on very thin ice.

"I will get you a prepaid phone you can use. You have to stay alert. He doesn't trust you and things can escalate quickly."

I was wondering just like so many times before how Kade even knew all this stuff but never really had time to ask him. Our meetings were always brief these days and centred on my well-being and safety. I assumed his mom might have told him, after all, she had worked with abused women for a while and seemed to have a lot of experience.

He arranged for a sick note so I would get out of PE on Tuesdays and Fridays and had a driver give me a ride to and from the shelter to save time. This allowed me to attend a one hour session and I was grateful. The counsellor was a young woman in her late twenties and the other participants were a mix of all ages and backgrounds. To my delight, Chantal was among them.

The prepaid phone was nothing fancy and I usually carried it on my body or hid it between my sanitary pads. I was sure that was the one spot Brent wouldn't check. I texted Kade at least twice a day and called him whenever I needed to talk. Brent and I were both busy with our respective routines and our conversations were down to less than thirty minutes a day. It suited me just fine – I didn't get too reattached to him and he didn't have much of an opportunity to ask uncomfortable questions I had no answers to.

Three weeks passed and I was doing OK for a change. I was still shy and didn't like to talk about my abuse but the others left me alone and didn't probe. It helped me to listen to their experiences and how they were dealing with their nightmare. I soon realized that some women had it way worse than me. Broken bones were not uncommon and emotional abuse was brutal. Chantal cried her eyes out when she described how Marcus would always make her out to be an incompetent mother who was a stupid whore on top of that.

I asked her about Patrice after the session but that got her hysterical and she was sobbing uncontrollably. I decided to better leave her alone and felt guilty to even bring up the topic. Laura assured me that Chantal was just having a really hard time because Marcus was so influential with the courts and that things were really complicated with Patrice. I felt sorry for her, she didn't deserve being with such a jerk.

During the sessions, I learned about the cycle of abuse, the red flags when first being in a relationship and how to read an abuser's body language to make sure I could get to safety before Brent would beat me again.