Living With the Choices We Make (Domestic Violence / Abuse) ✔️

21 - I Don't Want To Be Her

 21 - I Don't Want To Be Her

An hour later, Brent started his phone terror. I made the mistake of answering and heard immediately by his agitated voice that he was fuming.

"Where the fuck are you? I called the school and they said you weren't even there at all today."

"Are you spying on me?" I countered, trying to stay calm. I had pondered what to tell him just as Tisha had suggested but my mind was wiped clean.

"I was actually worried but maybe had no reason to. Did you find yourself another boyfriend with those sexy clothes I bought you, you slut?"

I should have just ended the call but needed to find some closure. "I left you, Brent. I don't want to be with you anymore."

There was silence and for a moment, I thought he had hung up. "Brent?"

"I'm still here." His voice was muffled like he was trying to suppress tears.

"I'm sorry but things are just not working out." I felt empowered by the ability to mutter those words.

"Don't you love me anymore?" He sounded desperate and was definitely crying.

"Love has nothing to do with it. I just can't handle that you continue to hurt me."

"Please tell me where you are, honey," he begged. "Let's please talk about this. I don't want to live without you." A sob. "I can't. You know how much I need you – you are my guiding light in the dark. I am lost without you."

I was fighting with my own tears. Patrice was watching me keenly and I felt she was totally invading my privacy. This was none of her business and I escaped from the room.

"Please Brent, don't make this so hard for me," I mumbled while rushing down the corridor, trying to find a spot where I could talk to him in peace. "Don't think for a moment that this isn't difficult for me."

"Please Rena, I'll do anything you want. I swear I go to counseling - you can even come with me if you don't believe me. I won't hurt you anymore. Just please, please come home. I need you."

Women were stopping in the hallway, gazing at me with mixed emotions. I got downstairs and was just about to step outside when Laura blocked my way.

'Hang up,' she mouthed, her eyes alarmed.

I was torn. "Look Brent, I have to call you back."

"Don't go," were his last words before I cut the line.

Laura sighed. "Was that him?"

I nodded, expecting a lecture. It didn't materialize.

"Look, I don't want to tell you what to do and I'm sorry I made you end the call but you need to be very careful. The first twenty four hours are crucial – both for your acceptance and his. He will promise you the world but it will never happen."

"What do you suggest I should do?"

"Shut off your phone, at least for tonight. You need some time to get your head cleared."

She was probably right, after all, she had much more experience when it came to leaving an abusive relationship. I turned my phone on silence and strolled back to my room.

Patrice was waiting for me. "Are you OK?" She really seemed concerned.

"Yes." I fell down on the bed. "He wanted me to come home."

Her eyes went large. "Are you going to?"

"I don't know," I said. "I really don't like it here and maybe this taught him a lesson and he will change if he knows I will leave otherwise."