Living With the Choices We Make (Domestic Violence / Abuse) ✔️

23 - Love Of My Life

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23 - Love Of My Life  

Staying away from Brent was an uphill battle right from the start. And not only that – it was draining and took a lot out of me. That was maybe the reason why I never again tried to leave after I finally went back to him.

My challenges started the morning after I arrived at the shelter as soon as I went back to school. I felt lost. Caroline was not as forgiving as Kade and when I approached her, she just blew me off. I went through the day in a daze, realizing I had no one left.

On top of that, I was behind in all my classes which was probably a good thing since I could use my studying as an excuse to get out of the group counselling and the joint activities at the shelter. I was not ready to face the world – there was too much turmoil inside me I wanted to work through on my own. I didn't ask for help in the right places – in hindsight, a serious mistake.

That day, Brent waited for me outside the school and though I was stunned to see him, I really shouldn't have been. Seriously, what did I expect? He wasn't the type of man who would have just given up without a fight – I had damaged his ego. If someone ever left this relationship, it would have been him and not the girl he had chosen as his queen.

He rushed over with a guilt stricken face. "Rena, please - I need to talk to you."

I glanced around but there was no one who could have come to my rescue so I started walking towards the bus stop. "I don't want to discuss this, I need more time."

Secretly, I had hoped that this would shut him up and this would have been way too easy.

"Please, Rena. Just two minutes."

I stopped and gazed at him. "OK, what do you want?"

He took a deep breath, ready to have apologies pelt down on me like a waterfall. "I love you, Rena. I know why you left, I have behaved unacceptably. I swear I will change. I will never lay a hand on you again. Just please forgive me, you mean the world to me."

He looked really sincere with desperate eyes and my defenses were unravelling but then I remembered Chantal. "I heard this all before, Brent. I am sorry, but I'm scared that you won't keep your word."

I continued my hasty walk but he kept at my heels. "I understand your frustration, I really do. Just please, give me another chance. I won't blow it this time, I promise."

I paused again and looked him over. He seemed devastated and it hurt me that he was upset but I still felt empowered. I was not going to give in this time. "I'm sorry, but I really need more time. This is all too much for me."

He sighed. "OK, I'll respect that. But please promise me you will call me later this week." When he saw my hesitation, he quickly added: "Just to talk, of course. If you do that, I will give you your space."

It was preposterous for him to demand anything – after all, if I wanted to take a break, that was my choice – but I was sufficiently brainwashed not to notice. "OK, I will call you."

He finally allowed me to leave without further hassle. The whole encounter shook me up more than I wanted to admit and I should have talked about it to someone but I didn't. I thought I could handle it on my own. That was mistake number two.

He left me alone for a few days and I focused on school work and somehow, passing my day. I helped out in the shelter when expected but refused to confide in anyone, even blowing off Laura a few times. This caused some frustration on hers and Tisha's part which I intentionally ignored.