Living With the Choices We Make (Domestic Violence / Abuse) ✔️

17 - Losing It

17 - Losing It  

Rena's POV

I am not sure what time it is when I am awoken by the screeching of the door. The morning routine in the jail starts early and I suspect that it must be around five. They always check on me at shift change. Roland, the guard who is the greatest asshole around enters, he is continuously making those nasty flirtatious remarks that go on my nerves.

"Good morning, sunshine," he grins, placing a new jump suit and underwear on my bed. Instinctively, I pull the blanket closer, damn well knowing what he is expecting of me. Prison policy dictates that female inmates should not be forced to change in front of male guards but he usually doesn't follow the rules. Since I am on suicide watch, I cannot be trusted with two sets of clothing, they claim I could strangle myself with the spare one. The same holds true for the toilet. I could stick my head in as a desperate attempt to drown myself. It's ridiculous.

"Can I use the bathroom first?" I ask meekly and he nods.

"Come on, let's go." He hushes me down the corridor until we are in front of the communal showers. I would kill to feel the hot water pelting over me but I am only allowed to take a shower every other day and just had one yesterday. When we get to the toilet stall, he holds the door open despite my effort to close it.

"Don't be shy," he smirks. "You know I am not permitted to let you go in there unsupervised."

All the other guards just wait patiently in front of the stalls.

"What do you expect me to do?" I hiss. "Strangle myself with the toilet paper."

"You never know." There is a wicked glint in his eyes. "Drop it or we go back and you can pee in your pants for all I care."

Nature is calling very loudly by now and I do what I'm told, covering up my private parts with my hands as good as possible.

"Baby kicking yet," he asks, his eyes on my small bump.

I don't see how this is any of his business and ignore him.

He grabs my arm and I shriek. I try to pull away to cover my ears because I am scared of my own voice, Brent's image flashing in front of me how he punches me over and over again.

Roland realizes what he is doing and releases me, his eyes wide with shock. "Hey, no need to get upset."

But it is too late. I can't stop screaming and crouch on the floor, cradling myself. Some other guards come rushing in.

"What did you do?" a woman yells I have never seen before. She squats down next to me and I finally fall silent.

"Nothing," Roland claims. "She just all of a sudden freaked out. I wanted to check on her and broke down the door and that's how I found her."

He is such a liar. He hurt my wrist and isn't even man enough to admit it.

"Get out of here. She is in shock."

She gazes at me intently. "Miss Cooper, can you hear me?"

I nod, realizing that my face is streaked with tears and the whole floor is covered with my pee. "I'm sorry," I mutter. "Please don't punish me for making a mess."

She appears stunned. "I am not going to punish you," she says softly. "Can I help you up?"

I nod again, my body shaking violently.

She carefully pulls me on my feet. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I am thankful for her caring way, her voice gentle and low. She guides me back to my cell and helps me to strip. "Can you wait here? I will get you a towel and you can take a shower if you like.