Come Back With Me

He Holds On To Her

He doesn't know much but he knows he's been with Hydra for at least a year probably two.

When they picked him up out of the snow, they rushed him into surgery. He doesn't think he's ever honestly wished to die but he was praying for death then.

When he woke up from the surgery, he was so disoriented.

He remembers waking up and seeing the scientists walking around him.

He remembers the panic as he realized that his arm was gone and replaced with a metal one.

He remembers the rage and crushing one scientist's throat.

He remembers Zola and him telling him he is to be the new fist of Hydra.

The rest of his time are just bits and pieces because soon after that, they started putting him in the machine.

He doesn't know what else to call it but all he knows is that it makes him feel like his brain is frying.

They wake him up in the morning and experiment on him. Then they torture him a bit. Then before bed he gets stuck in the machine and the process starts all over again.

At first, all he feels from the machine is pain but then he notices that he is starting to forget things.

He forgets little things like Rebecca's birthday or the name of his primary school but as time goes by he begins to lose bigger things.

He estimates that it's been about 6 months when he begins to forget about his family. He forgets his father's name and the color of his mother's eyes.

He begins to lose his memories of Steve next. He forgets what Steve did for a job after high school. He forgets how they met and how they became friends.

Slowly but steadily, Hydra begins to unravel who Bucky is.

The thing that Bucky held onto the longest was Lizzie.

His Ellie.

In the worst moments, he holds onto her memory tightly. They took her necklace and his dog tags off of him when he got brought in but he still grips the spot above his heart where the necklace would be laying when he's scared.

He forces himself to hold onto her laugh and the way she felt in his arms.

He holds onto the way her fingers felt in his hair and how her hips felt under his hands.

He holds onto the feeling he had when she agreed to be his and when she agreed to become his wife.

He holds onto her determination and intelligence.

He holds onto the way it felt to love and to be loved by her.

He loses his name before he loses her.

He loses everything he is before he loses her.

But in the end, Hydra takes her too.

The last thing he remembers of his former life is they was she said his name.

'I love you, Jaime'

They stick him through the machine one last time and she's gone.

"Soldat?"

"Ready to comply," he says automatically.

Bucky Barnes was gone, this was The Winter Soldier.