Come Back With Me

The Only Thing That Matters

Three months has passed since Lizzie has left and in all honesty, he was doing horrible. He moved all his stuff out of the guest room and back into their bedroom but sometimes it was just too painful being in there because everything reminds him of her.

He crisscrosses the line between being bitter and angry and sad and nostalgic. Some days all he wants to do is lay in bed and let the loneliness swallow him whole. However, each day, he does get out of bed.

He puts a smile on for the kids. He plays with them and teaches them and is the best father he can be. He tries his best to fill the hole that Lizzie left in their lives.

He makes sure to spend time with Steve and Peggy so they don't worry. He watches Sarah when they want a night to themselves. He completely internalizes the pain and instead focuses on everyone else. He's coping, but barely.

He tries to avoid thinking about her but he can't stop worrying.

He hadn't read the paper in a long time but now he was having Peggy pick him up a copy everyday. He would scour it everyday for news about the war, hoping that it was near its end but all signs pointed to there was a ways to go before the war ended. He wishes him or Steve could remember when it ended but history lessons were never a huge priority for them. They were always too busy trying to survive or save the world.

He also has the radio on at all times. Even at Steve and Peggy's house, the first thing he does is turn the news on with the sound low. When he is having a conversation with them or playing with the kids, his attention is always split between them and the radio. They know what he is doing but they don't say anything.

Bucky knows that Steve will know if there is ever something wrong with her but reading and listening to the news feels like he's looking out for her. It makes him feel closer to her even when she is hundreds of miles away.

When Steve found out she had left, he was furious. He was so mad that she had left without saying goodbye and instead, all he got was a letter explaining her reasonings.

He also feels a lot of guilt. He never talked to her after they figured out there was nothing they could do to change the future. She was blaming herself when there was nothing they could do. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but stand by when things go bad and it makes you feel helpless.

He should've known something was wrong with her. He knew that her and Bucky were having problems but he never pushed as hard as he should've. They always struggled with lying to each other so he knows if he would have forced the issue, she would have told him what was going on with her.

They could have talked through it and he could have helped her. Bucky knows her so well but there was always something between the two twins that made them understand each other on the deepest of levels. They make each other see sense when no one else can.

Maybe if he would have pushed, she would still be here. He's so mad at her for leaving but he's mad at himself for not seeing the signs. She was hurting and he ignored it.

Peggy sees how Lizzie's absence has affected the whole family. She feels guilty because she knew Lizzie's plan. She knew her plan and she didn't fight for her to stay. She should have told Steve right away so he could talk her down.

Lizzie would have never forgiven her for going behind her back but at least she'd be here.

However, she knows that she could have never brought herself to do it. She could never take away Lizzie's right to choose. Peggy and Lizzie have both existed in worlds where they are constantly being told they can't or shouldn't do something. That is why they got so close, they both understood the struggles the other faced from society. Peggy couldn't think of a bigger betrayal than trapping her like that.