Come Back With Me

I Just Wanted To Protect You

Usually, Bucky would give her her space but he didn't want her hurting any longer than she has to.

He walks up to their door and he can hear her crying through the door and it breaks his heart.

He tries the door knob first and is surprised that it swings open.

He sees her lying on her side, facing away from the door.

She doesn't look up when he enters.

"It's the worst feeling in the world when the one person who you want to comfort you is the one who hurt," she says.

He sits behind her and rubs her back. He knows it's a good sign when she doesn't pull away. He leans forward and presses a kiss to her shoulder blade.

"I want to explain why I didn't want to come back initially and why I changed my mind, will you let me do that?" He whispers.

She knows she owes it to him to listen. She's gotten mad at him before for not letting her explain so she owes him the same courtesy.

She turns around to face him and he gives her a sad smile. He cups her face in his hands and uses his thumbs to brush away her tears.

He goes over to his bed side table and pulls out a journal. There is only two things that Bucky brought with him to 1949 and this was one of them.

"I want you to read this before I explain. Try not to think too badly of me when you read it," he says.

She looks confused but she takes the journal.

She opens it up and begins to read. She quickly figured out what this journal is. These are his memories written out. There are some things crossed out and sentences that stop in the middle. She could tell this was written by someone who wasn't completely in their right mind.

The first half of the journal is account after account of the various people he was forced to kill. She could read the guilt and pain in his words.

She glanced up at him but he is trying his best not to look at her. He doesn't want to see her disgust in him.

Then they turn away from his kills and towards the memories of his old life with her and Steve.

March 2nd, 2015

I had another dream about the girl today. I think I finally learned her name, it's Ellie. I called her Ellie in my memory and she called me Jaime.

I think we were engaged. In my dream, I proposed to her and she said yes. I wonder if we got married. I hope I didn't leave a wife behind... or a kid. I think I would know if I had a kid but I barely know my own name.

July 9th, 2015

Her full name was Elizabeth Grace Rogers. She was Steve's sister and I loved her more than anything.

How could I have forgotten her? She is so important and I just forgot her.

More and more memories come back and it's getting harder and harder. I miss her. I miss her more than anything.

I would tear apart cities to be with her again and that scares me. How much I love her scares me.

I should be glad though that I'll never see her again because now I don't have to look into her eyes as she sees what a monster that I am.

January 15th, 2016

Now that I remember everything about her, I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't remember how much I loved her. I wish I didn't remember that she was the love of my life. I wish I didn't remember that she was my soulmate. I wish I didn't remember that I will be empty the rest of my days because she is gone.