Excessive (Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 52.

NARRATION

And that was how it all started. That was the beginning of the end for Arabella Casper and Harry Styles.

The clueless pair didn't know what they were in for, especially Arabella. As much as she hated to admit, she was absolutely naïve to what the man she had been learning to accommodate with, had up his sleeve. She had no idea what hid behind those charming green eyes and broken dimpled smile. She thought she knew everything about him, she thought that his dark past was only filled with his abusive family. But oh, was she wrong.

She didn't know about the filthy things he had done to people. She didn't know about the disgusting, in-human things that crossed his mind everyday. She didn't know the things he had once planned to do to some of the people that cared most about him. But most importantly, she didn't know about his obsession, about the way he used to feel about the things he loved.

Granted, information like that was not the kind that everybody needs to hear, especially considering he was trying to get better. He knew that Arabella had taken a huge step in opening up by allowing such an intimate, sëxual gesture to be shared with the pair. If he had ever told her about what he had done and what still crosses his mind, he can only imagine what the poor girl would think.

So, he kept it to himself. Hopefully one day he will be able to have a good laugh about it, but as of now, he is struggling to command it. He felt the stern control he once had over it slip away as the skin of Arabella had been bare to his eyes. He longed for just a bit of splurge, to be able to loose himself into darkness, but he knows, he knows too damn well that if he were to do that, there was no hope for him to get any better. And that was what he wanted, to be better.

He promised himself the moment she walked in that door, it would all end. He would stop acting out in his 'old ways' and try to keep his temper. He made less and less trips to the dead bolted room and soon enough he was able to go weeks on end without going insane. But all of that ended the moment they kissed in that bathroom, that was when the rattling gates that were tightly holding his demons, had been set free.

He knew it was only a matter of time before she would soon realize just how mental he was and for that, he rounded up the darkness and tried to tuck it away. In a way, it was good that Luchesi showed up and gave them a reason to fight, it bought Harry some time to control himself and tame his rowdiness. But he knew that keeping Arabella mad at him forever would only make the both of them even more distraught.

Since their obvious 'makeup' they were now subjected to be around each other more. This is new territory for Arabella and Harry. She never once shared this kind of intimacy with any other person in her entire life, and now, having it with him, with the devil himself, terrified her to pieces. She was scared, not only about what was in her head, but was on the outside, what people would say if this had gotten out.

She was worried about if it had gotten its way to Seth and Elliot, what would their reaction be? She knew she was letting it all get to her head, but she couldn't help it, it was in her genes. Worrying and trying to be as careful as possible was yet another trait passed on from her mother. She believed Harry didn't care about a single thing in his path, she assumed it was her duty to think about the common sense.

But, she wasn't alone here. Harry had been rattled himself that she had opened herself up to him. He was worried, but not for what he was feeling. He was worried about the what ifs. What if she never opened up to him? Would his dark ways slip in at the thought of a women's rejection? Would he force the sëxual act on the girl who wouldn't understand why? His brain was filled with more questions then Arabella.

Luckily for him and Arabella, there was no way the questions can be answered now. But that didn't stop the mess of his brain from proposing new questions. He knew he was slipping and he knew he was going fast. Since he was just like his father, his stubbornness had played a major role in his refusal to tell Arabella. He knew that one day, when she does find out, it will make him more dependent on the girl.

He didn't want to be one of those types of guys who always needs a women to fight their battles. He was able to do it by himself for almost 25 years now, what makes him suddenly so weak? Every time the question comes up, he sees the beautiful face of the 17-year old girl. Arabella was his weakness. No matter how many times he tried to deny it, deep down he knew that the maddening girl was the ultimate weakness.

He didn't realize the thump in his heart pick up every time her face would brighten his eyes. He didn't realize the sick feeling in his stomach every time she would yell at him for his wrong doings. He didn't realize the smile that would creep up on his face every time a chuckle or even a small smile would graze her full lips. He didn't realize any of it because he was too caught up in her.

He refuses to love, he absolutely hates anything to do with the word. No matter how many times he sits up at night, thinking of the lack of it he received as a child, he refuses to love anything. He knows that if he were to ever admit he was in love with her, everything from his past would spill out in broken, painful sentences. He was nervous for any type of commitment.

He was not in love with Arabella, he knew that as well as she, but there was no way he would be able to sit there and say that he didn't have any feelings for her. He did care about what she thought and even deep down, her opinions matter very heavily to him. What terrified him was the idea of her finding out and being disgusted with what he had done.

She, on the other hand, was clueless to the deception of herself. He knew the things she didn't and it killed him to know. He knew some of the darkest things about her and he knew that the day she will find out, every fiber of her being will be destroyed. His hope is to be able to help her and nurse her back to at least something like she used to be. But he had to be careful, he wasn't the best person to call for help, especially considering he was trying to help himself along the way.

One day, he promised to himself. One day he will be able to finish this plan and move on with his life. One day he will forget about the distress he is being put through right now. One day the madness inside of his head will be gone, and allow him to properly think. One day he will be able to finally breath and find the clarity in life that everybody else seems to have.

And, one day he will be in love...

but his fear, is that it will be with Arabella.

A/N:

so basically if you're confused about this chapter, its kind of like a third person type thing. I usually do like a Narration of whats going on when like something big is about to happen. I know this seems kind of crazy to say, but i need to start planning for the end. 50 chapters snuck up on me and I am nowhere near close to how i want to end this book soo yeah!

Oh and the attached picture is 6 covers that were submitted to me over time. A couple were by readers and some were by friends and one was made by me! But would you mind just commenting which one is your favorite! That way I know which to make the cover for this story! thanks!!

Oh! and!!!! thank you for 6K votes on the book !!!

So here's the deal, if I can get 1K comments on the entire book by Sunday night (my next update day) I will release a huge surprise that I have been waiting to do for months!!! Theres 52 chapters on my book so please try to go and comment!!!

OKay that was extremely long and probably extremely brutal but yeah! Thanks for voting! Love you guys!!