The Red Bow [Chaelisa]

43. Five days part. 2

In the previous chapter of The Red Bow

"Miss Park?“ it was the brunette, I turned around and waited for what would come next. “What did you think while playing this song?"

Several things, I thought to myself. My mind collapsed with memories and conclusions that maybe even I wasn’t able to understand.

"My father.“ I replied simply. “I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him."

The brunette nodded and I left the stage feeling like a stranger in paradise.

Day 2.

Chaeyoung’s POV.

December 3, 2021. – New York City, NY.

16 days until the wedding.

There’s this thing about me about sensing catastrophic events in my life that makes me rethink some of my everyday actions. I’m not sure how it started, and obviously I’m not an x-men or a supernatural with fantastic powers, I just feel a little pain in my chest and an overwhelming urge to cancel all my chores for the next few days to avoid an accident, dates or maybe a goodbye. And then there are the hands of the clock that are always ticking, making it clear that they are not waiting for our actions. The clock won’t stop and wait for you to decide whether you want to go to the mall or not. If you want him or her. Whether or not it’s worth leaving home at 18. These are actions we take in order to beat time and enjoy every second we have left until the end of what we call life on earth. I made my choice walking across that hall wearing a satin mask begging Lauren would give us a second chance. Thinking about it now I don’t exactly know if it was the right choice, but who cares? I do not. Her answer might as well be no, but at least I won’t have the uncertainty of what might have been if I hadn’t taken her for a slow dance.

The definition of living is equated with the opportunities we take and also those we miss. Every second of your life is a moment that won’t come back. Two hours ago and I could have given up on the test that will decide my future again.

Is this fair?

Does it feel right for two men to decide whether or not I’m better than other musicians? Am I good enough to be on stage? Can they decide if I’m prepared to be a good mother and wife?

But going back to the feelings I usually have, something tells me that my affair with Lisa will soon reach its limit. We’re in Central Park celebrating the success of my audition, or at least that’s what my friends thought we were doing since I wasn’t in the mood to be out, because as I said, on days like this I wanted to lock myself up. Of the world. Lisa had been weird since we left Avery Fisher Hall, far too thoughtful and less participatory than usual. Why did I sense her thoughts weren’t good? I wish I could feel nothing.

And then I said “Either you drop that knife or I’ll kick your ass, asshole” then he looked me up and down and started laughing in my face and mocking me. Somi counted while we were gathered in the shade of a tree. Ethan and Adam played with Bob, Jules husband’s German Shepherd whom the children loved so much.

“And what did you do?“ Jules asked curiously, and we all waited anxiously for the answer.

“I kicked his ass, duhh." She shrugged and we laughed as my eyes followed Lisa’s smirk.

We are sitting at different ends of the circle so as not to raise more comments than necessary about our relationship. Lisa, like me, was tired of being asked about Logan and marriage. Who wouldn’t be, right? As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t understand this indecision that took her one step further from being mine alone. I loved her too much for that.