The Red Bow [Chaelisa]

35. I need to know

August 6, 2021. – New York City, NY.

CHAEYOUNG POV

Once upon a time, I fell in love. Once upon a time, I gave myself body and soul. Once upon a time, she left me. And the happily ever after is over. This is the life path not only of mine, but of several people. That is how love is bound to begin and end. When I was young, I used to believe that each of us is destined to find someone throughout life who makes us question even why the sky is blue.

So I gradually fell in love with Lisa.

I was an 18 year old girl with all the answers to my questions.

Lisa made me happier than I could ever imagine being at some point in my life. Not even the lyrics of Billie Holiday’s songs created a perfect romance like the one with the Thai girl created for me. We were each other in so many ways that sometimes I didn’t feel worthy of love like that.

And just as it started, strong, intense, it ended.

Not love. I love her with all of me and I can no longer deny it. I spent years of my life trying to prove to myself that I had overcome it and that the only feeling left for her was hurt. And again, I was wrong. I fulfilled my dream, became one of the most prestigious musicians in New York and recorded two albums. I lived my American dream and when that too was over, I found myself again stuck in the past and back to reality. It was like going around the world and standing still in the same place.

The night we made love for the last time, and internally I wished it wasn’t, I knew that everything was lost. While my head rested on her bare chest and my fingers counted her ribs as in an ancient custom, my mind was lost repeating over and over again that the battle was lost. That the moment Lisa came through that door and never came back, my thoughts would always be with her.

38 days passed after that moment and I was right.

I got emotionally closer to Ethan even more, even though my conscience screamed not to do that, I became his favorite aunt and although our contact was limited to music lessons, our connection came from much more. His eyes were like the galaxy in which I used to get lost in the past. Ethan was Lisa’s little piece and that alone made me love him intensely as if he were mine too.

Logan didn’t bring it up any more and was always polite and generous when looking for Ethan. There were few times when I saw Olivia after dinner, there were few times when she sought her nephew and was always in a hurry with business. According to her, she had managed to get a good spot for the club and things were going wonderfully well. Somi came back from her trip and didn’t mention the subject of my night with Lisa, by the way, it was like none of the girls knew anything and I mentally thanked Lisa for it.

My life? Well, it remains the same. I maintain my unofficial relationship with Hannah, work in the morning and spend my afternoon remains at my mother’s with Alice. Sometimes Jennie, Jisoo and I get together at each other’s house for a movie and chats.

Things were relatively good for someone with a broken heart. Life was taking its course in the way that we had chosen, in the way that I knew would be the best for me. Away from the cowardly person who froze the left part of my chest.

Everything was fine.

Until today.

“Annual Masquerade Ball” read one of the movie pamphlets. Chaeyoung twisted her mouth and dropped the pamphlet back in the basket when she heard Alice’s voice calling her name. They had gone to the cinema that night to watch Avengers at the insistence of the youngest. It was the sisters’ night.

"I bought the big popcorn because I know you eat the average in the first 20 minutes of the movie.“ Alice joked when approaching with two glasses of coca on a tray and a huge jar of popcorn in the other hand. “Did you buy the tickets?"