The Red Bow [Chaelisa]

28. Flashbacks and goodbye

January 28, 2015. – First year of college.

Two days before.

The Columbia Campus looked colder than usual that Thursday even though the temperature was 39° Fahrenheit. The corridor was deserted, the students were at a celebration party in dorm 32 due to the victory of the Giants over the Patriots hours earlier, but the silence and darkness engulfed dorm 78 making it gloomy at 3:40 am, where the moonlight flooded part of the open window creating magnificent shadows on the light blue walls.

Among the clothes thrown on the floor, scattered shoes, and pieces of a broken heart, was Lalisa Manoban, the Thai girl who a few hours ago had delivered her most precious asset back to the world. Her body knew how much Lisa was suffering, making it a point to go into a lethargic state, as if she had been given several doses of mold so that the bleeding in her heart would dissipate.

Now, sitting on the floor with her back against the bunk, Lisa watched the shadows on the opposite wall as if they were her own demons laughing at her emotional fall, she could even hear the animalistic laughter if she closed her eyes. The black guitar forgotten in her arms was a support at the moment, her fingers strumming the strings without really having to play, because although her eyes were focused on the demons on the wall, her mind wandered back to the terrace where she had left the remains of a perfect memory.

"Seven children, Lisa? Are you crazy?" asked the blonde girl with a frightened expression. “Let’s just start with Ethan. Or Sarah, if it’s a girl."

“Okay. Okay. You’re in charge.“ rolled her eyes. “ Anyway, let’s have Ethan or Sarah running up and down, I’m going to get home from work and see my beautiful wife practicing on her piano, I’m going to kiss her with all the nostalgia that I felt all day while I was in the office. After dinner I’m going to sit down with Ethan, or Sarah“ Chaeyoung laughed and Lisa continued. “on the balcony and teach you how to play the guitar, or listen to you reading your poems. What do you think? Ah, of course, one Sunday we can visit your parents and the next mine. And on the days when you need to work out, we’re going to need a babysitter, but I think Somi is going to love taking care of our kids."

“Promise that we will do it one day?"

“We will fight for it.“ She replied when Chaeyoung buried her face in the curve of her neck. “We will fight together, Chae."

More tears slid down her pale skin, she didn’t wipe them away this time, there was no need for that anymore, not when they wouldn’t stop anytime soon, maybe never, she barely knew how her tear glands still produced so many of them after hours of intense crying. Lisa looked at the clock on the wall realizing that Somi would still be with Chaeyoung at the Park house with everyone hating her, her heart clenched when she imagined Amy angry with her. Of course, it was not the woman’s fault, she didn’t know that Lisa had been forced to choose between the feelings she had developed for Chaeyoung or the future of the girl, and as she always made it clear, Chaeyoung’s true happiness would always be her priority, that happiness that was in the little moments with her family and in music.

Lisa rolled her eyes to the CD thrown on the floor by Johnny Cash that she had once loaned to Chaeyoung, she automatically thought of Johnny and June’s story, and felt like laughing at the irony her life had become when she imagined her end would be like that of her idol, to live the last years with the woman she loves. Still staring at the CD, Lisa strummed the devastating version of Hurt that Johnny had re-recorded; one of her favorite songs and, ironically, the one that described her moment to the letter.

“I hurt myself today“ she paused and contemplated the silence again, letting herself be embraced by the pain. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes when she started singing again, her voice hoarse and low. “To see if I still feel.“  She paused again, it was as if each breath hurt her chest. “I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real …“ the cell phone next to her announced a message box filled with missed calls from Jennie and Jisoo. Her voice failed before continuing. “What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end …"