𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐘 | 𝐉.𝐅.𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝐗𝐈𝐈

XII: JAMES'S GOODBYE LETTER

It had been a month since James had been to the Dashwood funeral. His sixth year was about to start.

Yet he still hadn't read the letter Lucy had left him.

Rob hadn't sent him any letters. Remus did, and so did Peter. He had even gotten a condolences letter from Lily, or Sirius did, but it was adressed to both of them.

She lamented her absence in the funeral and asked James about Lucy's favorite flower.

He had replied to them all in the same zombie like fashion.

He hadn't left his own bed for weeks unless necessary.

The letter Marie had given him was in his desk, only a few feet away from him.

How he wanted to read it and still not touch it.

Eventually he gave in and took the envelope.

He stared at his name written by Lucy in black ink before turning the envelope around and gently opening it. He was afraid even a little tear could ruin it.

As soon as the paper was freed from its cage, he straightened it out. The first thing he noticed was how nice Lucy's handwriting was.

He had never noticed it before. Maybe it was his grief attaching him to anything she had done whilst still alive.

He began to read the letter, not planning to stop until he finished it.

"My dearest James,

It's been 11 years since we met. They flew by so quickly, didn't they?

I suppose I am already gone by the time you're reading this. I just wanted to thank you for being the little annoying light of my life.

Do you remember the 1st of September 1971? We were so young and nervous. Especially me, but you reassured me so much I ended up not being scared at all. You always were good at comforting others.

I remember meeting Sirius, Remus and Peter and thinking about how odd your group of friends was. But I quickly found out you complemented each other well.

And then, you met Lily. Lily with her red hair and green eyes. Lily who was so kind. And I felt my world fall apart.

You see, James, for the past few years I've had a crush on you. I don't know when or how, but it just happened.

When we kissed at your birthday party, it only worsened.

That's why I ignored you the whole week after.

I know that in this life I won't have you. I'm okay with that. Maybe in another life, then. Remember, never one without the other.

Just be happy for me. Okay? It's my only wish.

I love you, Jamesie.

Yours now and forever,

Lucy Poo"

By now James was in shock. Lucy had a crush on him?

That seemed nearly impossible. But it slowly started to make sense. Why she was always red in the face when he was around, how flustered she was at Valentine's and why she was so hurt before Easter.

James wanted to kick himself. Oh how stupid he was.

All this time trying to have something with Lily when someone was there, ready to love and cherish him.

Someone knocked on his door. He opened it, being met with Sirius who was checking on him.

"Did you know?" James's voice was coarse and raspy. He hadn't spoken to anyone in weeks.

"About what?" Sirius asked, clearly confused.

"About Lucy and her... Crush." He answered, looking away.

"Yeah." Sirius whispered. "Remus knew and Rob, obviously." He said.

"Oh." Was the only sound James was able to release.

"Don't beat yourself about it. She swore us all to secrecy a while back." Sirius attempted to make James feel better about himself.

"I think I'll visit her." James murmured, looking through his closet for some decent clothes.

"Yeah... You do that." Sirius agreed, having returned from visiting the grave himself.

James showered and dressed himself decently before going out.

He passed many places he recognized along the way, places he and Lucy had played, laughed, cried and made memories in.

He reached the graveyard and quietly made his way towards the Dashwood family grave before crouching in front of it. A few flowers were around it.

He recognized the blue roses that Sirius had started to constantly buy. A few other flowers adorned the place, giving it a sort of reassurance that they weren't forgotten.

"Hi Lucy. I'm sorry it took me so long to come. I had to come to terms with your death. I read your letter, by the way." James sighed, eyes falling on a crown of daisies.

"Merlin I'm so dense. All these years and I never noticed your feelings." He said, his voice shaky.

"We're starting sixth year soon, you know? It won't be the same without you. Who's going to help us raid the kitchens now?" He sighed. "I hope you can forgive me for everything. I miss you." He said.

Suddenly the wind acted up and he felt what seemed to be a kiss on his forehead and a head pat.

A small smile adorned his face.

James went back home and sat in his room, searching a box for a particular album.

It was an album depicting each and every big moment of their friendship. Their 1st year anniversary, their 1st Hogwarts letter, even things he hadn't thought documented were there.

James reached the last photo, a photo taken when he and Lucy had just reconciled after the egg hunt. They were both laughing, faces contorted in joyful expressions.

It was then that James started to cry. Ugly sobs shook his whole body.

Sirius, having heard his brother cry out, quickly ran into the room and hugged him, just like how he had done for him.

"She's gone, Sirius! She's not coming back! I lost her!" James repeated the same sentences over and over, until he eventually tired himself out and slept.

That was the first time he slept well in months.

_________________

This is it.

The ending of this part of the plot.

I was actually going to make this and the funeral chapter bonus chapters but decided to give you guys some sort of closure.

Oh yeah I was going to leave y'all hanging with only Lucy's death as the epilogue.

She was even supposed to die in James's arms.

The epilogue is next. After that it's 3 weeks of bonuses. One per week.

I'll see you guys next time.

Ps. I'm also crying.