i know i love you | jakehoon

𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙴 --

chapter
— 9 —

"He's not real Mr. Park, I'm sorry. It seems... he's just in your imagination," Those words echoed through his mind nonstop, all day. Sunghoon laid on his bed with his pillow hugged on his chest tightly. The whole appointment playing in his head over and over again.

"Isn't it weird that Jaeyun only shows up whenever you're stressed or hurt?" Dr. Kim asked, taking a seat on the chair in front of him. "Yes, doc but—" He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it softly, giving him a reassuring look. "Look Sunghoon. I know it may sound... unbelievable but it seems like he's your coping mechanism to all of your stress. That explains why you're so happy whenever you're with him, why you don't know much about him, and especially why nobody else can see him."

Sunghoon didn't know how to put into words that his heart was absolutely broken, he didn't want to believe it. He couldn't convince himself that Jaeyun might be his imagination. In fact part of him already knew that Jaeyun wasn't real, he could see the signs and decided not to take them. Jaeyun was too good to be true, he was a happiness that he didn't deserve but his mind decided to make him up to make him happy. He wasn't sure if he should thank his younger self or absolutely despise him, maybe both.

So with that certain male right beside him on his bed, laying with him he wasn't sure how to act. Jaeyun isn't actually here... Sunghoon turned to his side and put a hand on the older's cheek, eyes full of tears. "Tell me you're right here? Please?" Jaeyun looked at him with a smile, eyes showing otherwise as he looked like he was going to cry as well. "Of course I am! I'm right here, aren't I?" Jaeyun put his little hands on Sunghoon's cheeks, wiping away his tears. "It's alright Hoonie, I'm right here... Right here..." The older hugged him tightly, rubbing his back gently. I need to let him go.

— ❀ —

As much as Sunghoon tried he could not let go of Jaeyun. No matter how he tried to distract himself, not even spending time with his friends all day long, the older was embedded into his brain. It seemed that whatever he did only made him think of Jaeyun even more, he didn't want to but he couldn't help it. Plus, Jaeyun would visit him regularly and cuddle up to him. He would whisper all these heartwarming things and hug Sunghoon as if there was no tomorrow. How could he simply let go of all of this? Exactly he cannot. Not when feelings were gained and he had grown attached to this male.

Sunghoon was currently sitting in his last class of the day, his legs shaking from anxiousness as the clock ticked away. His teacher was at his desk, writing something down on a paper before momentarily looking up at everyone. Nobody was doing what they were supposed to be doing, the teacher didn't even care at this point and allowed it. Most were staring off into the distance whilst others talked amongst themselves and their friends. Sunghoon though, found himself lost in all of his thoughts. Thinking back to Jaeyun and all the times the older helped him out when he was younger.

He thought back to how something as simple as "Just ignore them," helped his bullying problem all because of Jaeyun. He had built up his confidence, made him happier, and always gave him the best advice. Thinking back to when he tore his ACL, and at how Jaeyun comforted him. There were times where the older would just stay silent and listen to Sunghoon, those moments were also the best. It made him feel like there was somebody that actually understood him. Somebody that actually cared for him.

"Class dismissed," Sunghoon suddenly heard as all of his classmates eagerly jumped up from their seats and ran out of the room. The bell rang out loudly, in an annoying matter, telling everyone to go home. Sunghoon was more than glad to take that message and packed his things up, exiting through the opposite door that everyone was trying to get out of. Jay was in the classroom next to his so they were the first to meet up, walking in silence to the spot where the six would always meet up after school.

"So what happened at the doctors," Sunghoon knew that Jay told his mother and sister about Jaeyun because he was genuinely worried for his well-being and that he was sane. But the glare in his eyes as he looked at Jay for a second told otherwise, he was furious. He hated that because of his worry, Sunghoon had to face another problem, another situation with Jaeyun that he didn't want to face at all. He had been ignoring it, since the beginning, since Jaeyun suddenly began to pop into his life again. Sunghoon took a deep breath before sitting down, placing his backpack on his lap. Sunoo and Jungwon were the next two to join them, taking seats beside Sunghoon.

"Told me that I'm imagining him... To cope with my stress," It was exactly what the others thought Jaeyun was. It was clear if Sunghoon looked close enough. "He also told me to try and let go... even offered me therapy in replace for Jaeyun," Sunghoon wanted to cry again, they could see it in his eyes. Sunoo wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pat his hand softly, humming. "It's going to be alright hyung..." Sunghoon finally allowed his tears to fall, sobbing softly into his hands. The three of them looked at each other before slowly looking back at Sunghoon. "We'll be here every step of the way hyung. You'll be alright" Jungwon pat his thigh, eyes concerned.

"I know it's just... hurts—so much..."

——

{ 061321 | 11 : 55 }

we uploaded late again :( anyways, im here to update instead of mina because she is a bit busy! but it was a little hard writing today's part, in fact i was getting a little nervous and emotional as well. have an amazing day <3

- JAE -