i know i love you | jakehoon

𝚃𝙴𝙽 --

chapter
— 10 —

Sunghoon rummaged through his room, tearing down his books, ripping out his clothes from the closet, and shuffled through all of his papers. Next, he looked through his photo book. Anything... anything, please... Nothing, nothing of Jaeyun was left behind for him. Nothing of Jaeyun that anyone else could see was left behind. Yeji and Sunoo stood concerned at his door, waiting for him to calm down. Tears constantly rolled down his pale cheeks, his nose bright red, and his sobs were loud. Nothing, Jaeyun isn't here.

"Hyung, calm down." "Don't tell me to calm down!" He shouted, curling up with his knees up to his head, his head resting between them. Yeji looked up at Sunoo before grabbed onto his hand, nodding towards him. "You should go, I don't think I would be able to calm him down." As much as she would love to talk to him and help him get through this little breakdown, she thought whatever she had to say would only put him on edge. Yeji exited the room to go to her own, leaving her older brother and Sunoo.

"Hyung, it's alright to feel like this. But... you... You know what, it's alright. Come here," Sunoo sat beside him with his arms wide open. Sunghoon slowly lifted his head from his knees, sniffling a little bit before falling into Sunoo's arms. "I'm really sorry I just—I just can't believe this, I can't believe stupid past me made him up..." Sunghoon was more than glad to meet Jaeyun but to meet an imaginary person? He didn't know how to feel.

"You don't need to let go of him that fast hm? I'm sure he'll always be with you, you just have to move on. It'll be hard but... It's part of the process," Sunghoon didn't want to let go, he would hate to. But he knew he was just hurting himself more this way. If he kept imaging Jaeyun and all of these situations, it would do more bad than any good. "I'm sorry..." Sunghoon sniffled again, burying his face deep into Sunoo's shoulder. "It's alright hyung just—just let it all out,"

— ❀ —

He was slowly getting rid of his thoughts of Jaeyun. It was a slow process and whenever the older would visit him, it was hard trying to ignore him. Sunghoon did definitely have moments where he'd break down whenever he saw Jaeyun but he would say nothing and comfort him with soft words. It was hard, but he was getting there... slowly.

"Ever since that day Sunghoon has been clinging to Sunoo instead," Jay massaged his temples, watching as the two in front of him fighting. Ni-ki was also watching at his side with his arms crossed and his face in disgust. "I know, it's weird. But I mean whatever gets his mind off of... him," Jay took a short glance at Ni-ki before nodding. It was true, Sunoo was trying his best to help Sunghoon out. They weren't the closest in their friend group but this little moment of healing for Sunghoon brought them much closer than before.

"Yah! I told you not to squeeze it! Now it's all over my uniform," Sunghoon whined whilst pointing at his button-up that was now had a little light brown stain on it. Sunoo cheekily rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand in the air, bowing slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean it! It was a mistake," Sunghoon rolled his eyes and pushed his shoulder a little bit, going to walk over to Jay and Ni-ki.

Sunoo was slowly, in a way, replacing what Jaeyun was to Sunghoon. Instead of relying on his imagination to cope with his anxiety and problems, he found comfort in his friends, especially Sunoo. The younger tried his best to be there whenever Sunghoon asked for him and always listened, even if he wasn't sure what advice to give him. Sunghoon was beginning to see Jaeyun a lot less now. Since he was letting it all out without holding it all in to hurt himself, there was no need for Jaeyun to always be there for him. He was... happy. Differently, he found so much happiness right where he was with his friends. Sunghoon smiled at the two in front of him.

"Where's Heeseung hyung and Jungwon?" Sunoo asked, following behind Sunghoon closely. Jay hummed and looked at Ni-ki before answering. "I think Heeseung hyung should becoming, I saw him on my way here," Jay answered, hoping that Ni-ki saw Jungwon somewhere. "I saw Jungwon hyung as well but he told me he had some stuff to do at the library with an advisor," Sunoo nodded before standing beside Ni-ki. The youngest was holding strawberry milk in his left hand, sipping at it slowly. Without a word, Sunoo stared up at him with his puppy eyes, pleading for a sip. Ni-ki gave in easily.

"Are we going to your house this weekend?" Ni-ki asked and pointed towards Jay, the oldest among them nodding. Jungwon joined them right after this with a smile on his face, waving at them. "Hey, guys! Where are we going today?" After Sunghoon was told about Jaeyun being an imaginary friend, they began to hang out almost every day after school now. Because it was still near the beginning of the school year and nothing too important happened during school, they could spend as much time as they wanted to hang out together. This helped Sunghoon a lot to trust and to get closer to them, plus Jaeyun wouldn't show up if there was a group of people around him. "Let's go to my house today!" Jungwon smiled.

— ❀ —

Sunghoon reluctantly took the seat beside Jaeyun, the male's smile as bright as ever. He wasn't sure when his hair had been dyed brown, he doesn't remember anything. But he looked great nonetheless, the brown hair looked just as good as his black hair. "Hey Hoon! How was your day with your friends?" The younger smiled a little and leaned his head against the wall, hugging onto his pillow. "Really fun, we played a bunch of video games and watched a lot of movies." Jaeyun nodded with a small grin, going to lean his head against Sunghoon's shoulder.

Besides that one night, Sunghoon didn't tell Jaeyun about his appointment and how he knew that he wasn't actually there. It seemed a little rude and he didn't want to mess up whatever moments he had left with him. Plus, he always stumbled on his words if he ever brought up that appointment, he felt he would cry as well if anything. But today, he planned to see Jaeyun off. He planned to say goodbye to Jaeyun, at least for now. He knew that Jaeyun would always be there in his mind and heart but he knew and wanted this for himself, to make his mind more at ease.

"Jaeyun, I love you," "Well, I love you too!" Jaeyun went to scoot in front of him, smiling at him with a small giggle. These sudden words weren't part of his plan but he needed to say it, he wanted to say what was on his mind and what his heart was feeling at the moment. "As much as you mean to me, I'm going to say goodbye to you today," Tears began to fall from his brown eyes. Crying was not a part of the plan as well but he allowed it, he couldn't suppress them anyways.

"Why?" "Because I knew Jaeyun, I know that you aren't real. I know that you're just some made-up friend in my mind to get over all of these bad things I'm going through. And I thank you for being such an amazing listener, for always being there to comfort me. You were there since we were like 9... But I think I'm ready to let you go," He wasn't. Jaeyun began to look emotional as well but he took Sunghoon's hand into his own and nodded, he knew. He knew that he would catch on sooner than later, he didn't want to deceive him anymore. "I'll miss you," Sunghoon cried, using his sleeve to wipe his tears away. Jaeyun wrapped his arms around Sunghoon's neck, staring him in his eyes. One of his hands found its way to Sunghoon's cheek, caressing it gently. He moved some of the hair away from his forehead and leaned in just a little bit so that only Sunghoon could hear this.

"I'm really sorry for the past few years. But you know where to find me. Just call out for me, whenever it is! Whatever time it is, wherever you are, and even however old you are. When nobody is there for you remeber, I'll still come running back to comfort you." Jaeyun sent him a smile. Sunghoon couldn't hold back his tears and noises anymore, sobbing just a little louder than he was before. He took the older into his arms with a small smile.

"Goodbye Jaeyun,"

——

{ 061421 | 07 : 18 }

honestly that last line had us crying for a while like seriously, sobbing. it was a little hard to write this and watch it all go down but-

ALSO THE TIKTOK THEY POSTED YESTERDAY, PLS. NI-KI WAS PROBABLY SO EXCITED TO DO IT.

- MINA -