Marvel fanfiction : Bucky is your boyfriend

Part 9 (en)

Thor: well... That actually went pretty good.
Y/N: yep... Hope the twins are dead.

*The jet lands near the compound.*

Nat: why? They're just kids.
Y/N: working for HYDRA.
Steve: maybe they're brainwashed, we have to find them.
Y/N: yeah okay don't count on me for that.
Bucky: yeah me neither, I've had my tea of HYDRA for a while...
Y/N: I agree with the dummy.
Bucky: dummy? Really? What, do you want me to call you slowy?
Y/N: ha ha ha. *sarcastically*
Tony: alright weirdos don't come, we don't need you anyway.
Y/N: great. Bye bye.

*You go out of the jet and join your room, followed by Bucky.*

Bucky: hey doll can I talk to you?
Y/N: of course James, what's up?
Bucky: I want to talk about what you said.
Y/N: when? I said a lot of things.
Bucky: the night I "killed" you.
Y/N: oh. What did I say?
Bucky: you don't remember?
Y/N: I remember everything I said to you in that forest. But please, enlighten me.
Bucky: you said you loved me. Did you mean it?
Y/N: yes.
Bucky: do you still mean it?
Y/N: yes...
Bucky: how?
Y/N: what do you mean how?
Bucky: how can you love me?
Y/N: is it so hard to believe? Why wouldn't I? I've spent 4 years with you in a secret killing organisation, sharing my present with you every day and sharing my past with you in that room so many times. You're the only one who will ever know what it feels to be brainwashed, the only one who will ever know what it feels to have all those nightmares about the people you killed and you genuinely are a good person, of course I love you.
Bucky: a good person? I killed so many people, for dozens of years, I remember every face, every name, the way I killed them, their screams. I am the opposite of a good person.
Y/N: I know! I know James! I lived the exact same thing! If you say you're not a good person then I am not either! Do you think I'm not a good person?
Bucky: of course you're a good person y/n.
Y/N: then so are you!
Bucky: I've been with HYDRA longer than you, I've killed hundreds of people, you can't love me!
Y/N: watch me!

*You kiss him but after a few seconds he puts his head back.*

Bucky: I can't let you do that.
Y/N: do what James!?
Bucky: I can't let you love me!
Y/N: why?! Why James!? Why I can't love you?! You don't control my feelings!
Bucky: I don't deserve you! I'm not worthy of your love, I will never be enough for you, you need someone better than me!
Y/N: what do you know?! Why can't you just accept the fact that I want to be with you?!
Bucky: because I care about you more than I care about my feelings! You will have better life if you don't live it with me.
Y/N: I can't believe you... What do you want me to do!? WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT ME TO DO JAMES?! Ignore my feelings?! I can't! Because every time I see you I want to kiss you! I can't just walk around and pretend we're friends! I don't want to be your friend!
Bucky: and I don't want to be your boyfriend.

*You start crying.*

Y/N: then I guess we won't be anything... Goodbye James...

*You leave your room in tears.*

Bucky: y/n wait! Y/N! Y/N PLEASE!

*You run away from him and hide in a room, which turns out to be Steve's.*

Y/N: sorry I didn't know there was someone.
Steve: it's fine don't worry.
Y/N: ...
Steve: what's happening? Are you okay?
Y/N: had a fight with James... Do you know a place where I could stay?
Steve: what do you mean?
Y/N: I don't want to stay here.
Steve: really? Why?
Y/N: yes... James and I it's... complicated.
Steve: what happened?
Y/N: he says he doesn't deserve my love... That he did bad things and I won't live a great life with him... What does he know? I did bad things too, I did bad things with him, he knows it... I wake up every night, sweating, my heart racing because I just had a nightmare where I was becoming the Cold Soldier again, or reliving all the things I did, all the people I killed. He doesn't accept the fact that we both lived the same shit and we can help each other instead of fighting...
Steve: maybe there's a place who can do something for you. It's called Wakanda. I sent Bucky there, they helped him remove the code of The Winter Soldier from his head, he can't become him anymore. I'm sure they can do it for you as well, you won't have to worry about being the Cold Soldier again.
Y/N: um... yeah that would be amazing. You'd really do this for me?
Steve: of course, I'm glad to help, I'm gonna call T'Challa right now, the king of Wakanda and I'll tell you okay?
Y/N: thanks. Can I stay here?
Steve: yes make yourself home.
Y/N: tell Bucky I left, please...
Steve: you're sure?
Y/N: please Steve...
Steve: alright. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll get the jet ready and see if T'Challa don't have a problem taking care of you.
Y/N: thank you, for doing this, means a lot.
Steve: no problem.