Chosen (Damiano David & Victoria DeAngelis)

Chapter 35

By now, the rehearsals weren't fun anymore. Damiano seemed tense and anxious all the time and that made it pretty hard for Victoria to concentrate on anything but him. He seemed tired, lost and as if he was about to cry out of exhaustion. She really wasn't happy with him being on stage in his current state.

About an hour before the concert, they were in their dressing room and he really didn't look okay. Something just seemed off. He came over to her, speaking quietly: "Vic? Can you go over the text for CORALINE with me? Please...it's important...really..." She was confused, looking at him a bit dumbfounded. It took her almost a minute to realize: The safe word. "Oh...oh, yeah of course. Let's go outside, okay?" He nodded, following her. She guided him outside into the back alley where they could talk in private, though she could already hear the fans chattering excitedly. "What's going on, Angel?", she asked softly, taking his hands into hers. "I don't know...I... I don't know if I can do this. I can't breathe...I'm scared.", he sounded desperate and she could almost feel the anxiety radiating from his body. "Okay...that's okay. Try to take some deep breaths with me, okay?", she had no idea how to handle anxiety and panic attacks. She didn't even know if it was something like that...she just guessed. "Good job, Angel. Look at me, okay? We can do this show...together. If you get anxious on stage, just look at me. Concentrate on me and try to blend everyone else out. It's gonna be alright.", she was gently caressing his hands, feeling his sweaty palms on hers. "What if they notice, Vic? What if they find out? They're all gonna hate me...", he sounded panicky, lost and scared, tightening his grip around her hands. "They won't find out, Angel. I promise you, they are too oblivious to notice and you are good at not showing it. And even if they found out, I'm sure they wouldn't hate you. If they are real fans...and in Ethan's and Thomas' case real friends, they will have your back, no matter what." Suddenly, he hugged her, holding her close as if he was scared of losing her. She instinctively wrapped her arms around him even though she was caught by surprise...he had never hugged her first. "I don't want to disappoint them...", he mumbled against her shoulder. She ran her hand in slow circles on his back to give him a sense of comfort and safety: "I promise you, you won't. You're doing really great, Angel. Better than anyone else in a situation like this could. And I am really really proud of you." He wasn't crying but he definitely sounded emotional: "How can you be proud of me? How can you be proud of someone with cuts on his arms? Someone who can't even handle doing IT with his girlfriend...that's just pathetic." She immediately shook her head, subconsciously holding him a bit closer: "No, Damiano...what she did to you and what you call doing IT is completely different. She forced you...she hurt you and it's okay that you sometimes can't handle it. I would be worried if you didn't react like you do...that's not pathetic, Angel...and I will always be proud of you...no matter what."

Soon enough the concert started. She had managed to take some of his anxiety away...at least she thought so...how would she know? He seemed to be doing a little better, though he looked at her way more often than normally, probably because earlier she had told him to do so if he got anxious. Whenever she felt his eyes on her, she looked up and came a bit closer to him, giving him a reassuring smile to tell him it was okay. She was way more alert since she had found out what was really going on, so she couldn't help but notice that Coraline seemed to trigger deep emotions in him.

"But Coraline doesn't want to eat, no. Yes, Coraline would like to disappear. And Coraline cries, Coraline is anxious, Coraline wants the sea but is afraid of the water, so maybe the sea is inside her. And every word is like an axe, a cut in the back..." And suddenly it clicked. Now she understood why this song had always been so special to him. She finally understood the message behind it: Coraline was just another word for Damiano. They were the same person.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey ;)

Just a little info: I'll post another chapter in the evening but during the week I will only be able to post one chapter per day. If it's somehow possible I'll post more. I hope that's alright with you.

Of course, let me know what you think. I absolutely love reading your comments :)

Thanks for reading.

- Thalia