Too far gone to pray

Chapter twenty five

Louis' POV

He sat in the car with tears in his eyes as he looked out the window and watched the raindrops chasing each other down the window. When he was young and was on long car rides he used to watch the raindrops as if it were a race, I used to be a source of comfort from the chaos in his life. But now there was so much chaos in his life. The chaos and confusion was irreparable, he didn't know if he could ever make it back from this. 

The storm started to rage outside. The turmoil in the sky seemed to match the turmoil he felt inside. The rage the storm it was all he could feel in this moment.

He had been ripped away from Harry. Harry was left hurt and alone in the cold. He couldn't protect Harry from his father. He knew what it was like to be on Harry's side, struck down by his father for being who he actually is. Harry didn't ever deserve to be hurt and alone. Nobody deserves to be hurt and alone.
In the car no words were spoken at all. When he started sobbing again his father pulled the car over and scolded until he stopped crying. He didn't know where they were going, but he knew that it was the proverbial rode to hell.

He had been to camp once before. It was like the baby version of where he was going now. The last place just grilled bible verses into their brain until it felt like they would have an aneurysm. They made them sit around a campfire and instead of singing Kumbaya and eating s'mores, they confessed their sinful thoughts. It was awful, but it was nothing like where he was going now.

The place he was going to was harsh, intense, literally hell for him. It would be even worse this time because he doesn't think how he used to think. He no longer believes that he can be changed and fixed, because that is wrong and he was wrong for ever thinking that. He cant be changed anymore, he doesn't want to be changed anymore. He now feels like his feelings have solidified, like one thing in his wild crazy life is concrete. He now knows what love is and precisely who he loves, he loves Harry.

Harry will both make things harder and easier. Harder to survive trough, because there is no doubt that this will be the most dreadful awful thing that he will ever have to go through. But it will also be easier. It will be easier this time because they wont break him, this time he has something to fight for. This time he has someone to fight for.

He fell asleep with his face pressed against the cold window. His face was still wet from the steady stream of tears that had ended quite a bit ago.

When he awoke he was at both the metaphorical and literal gates of hell. The car was heading straight towards  the gates and they opened like they were welcoming them. If this were a movie scary dramatic music would play. Just as they rolled into the gates a bolt of lightning shot across the sky. It was almost biblical, which was terribly ironic.

There was a tall man with a stern facial expression standing underneath a hooded awning. The man was in a crisp dark suit and had dark hair. He looked nothing like the friendly priest at his last camp. This was nothing like his last camp.

The car came to a scratching stop in front of the man. His father unlocked the car door but he didn't move a muscle. He didn't want to leave the car, he didn't want to be subjected to the reality of the situation he was in. His father came around and opened his door, but again he didn't move again, he just stayed motionless in his seat. His father grabbed him around the waist and tried to yank him out of the car. He wasn't going without a fight. He grabbed the seatbelt from the seat next to him and held on for dear life.

His father continued to try to pull him out of the car but he wouldn't let go. The seatbelt extended as far as it could go giving his father some leeway, but he still  kept his sturdy clench on the seat belt.

"Let go" his father commanded.

"No" he screamed.

His father yanked and yanked until he finally was forced to let go. He tried to hold on as long as possible. The seatbelt left burs on his hands and came close to drawing blood, not like it mattered though.