the beauty of water: deep end | o. dazai ✔

chapter nineteen.

By the time (Y/n) had finished speaking with Hinami, it was nearly eight. The roads and sidewalks were lit up with streetlights, a smaller amount of foot traffic at that time.

Despite the scarce amount of people around her, she still managed to hold in her tears as she walked back to the Agency. She kept her hands in her pockets, gripping the letter tightly as she threatened to crumple it up right then and there. It was a final testament to the terribleness that had occurred.

That went a lot worse than I planned, she thought as she passed by an alleyway – a couple visibly making out not too far into it. I knew she would be upset, but not upset enough to actually push me or yell like that. I've never seen her that angry before... I feel bad for anyone else that has to deal with that.

Her thoughts kept moving from one thing to another and before she knew it, she was already back at the apartments the Agency provided for them. She stood still in front of her door, hesitantly pulling out her keys. She slowly put them in, unlocking the door as she finally let herself inside.

It was still barren as it hadn't been that long since she got her place back. She let out a sigh as she closed and locked the door behind her, pressing her back against it as she slid down to the ground. She kicked off her flats, placing them on a mat near the door.

"Kunikida did say that they kept my apartment empty just in case I returned," she said to herself. "He wasn't kidding..."

All that was there were basic essentials, including a small cot the others lent her until she got her own items back. Her duffle bag wasn't far from it, laying unzipped against the wall as some of her things were spilling out of it and onto the surrounding area. It was a mess.

(Y/n) pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she pulled them closer. She rested her chin on them, closing her eyes as she finally allowed herself to relax.

Maybe this was for the better. Having Hinami out of her life meant one less thing to worry about with tougher and more life-threatening missions. Not to mention the constant threat of her ever-growing special ability and her complicated relationship with Chuuya.

Maybe having her leave in such a hasty manner was a good thing.

(Y/n) hadn't even realized she was crying until she felt her knee suddenly grow wet. She reached to her cheek, gently wiping a small portion of the warm liquid onto her fingertips. She stared down at it, blinking a couple times as the sensation finally hit her.

She let out a somewhat loud sob, cupping her hand over her mouth as more tears flowed down her cheeks. They were warm, almost comforting as she finally let out the cries she had been wanting to for so long.

It was supposed to feel good – a weight off her chest – to reveal what she had done to try and protect Hinami. But rather than lift that crushing feeling, it only added to the pain she had already felt.

After a couple minutes of filling the room with her tears, she lifted her head and leaned it against the door. She thought, I need to get up and pull myself together. There are more important matters that are about to occur that I need to focus on.

CLICK.

Her door suddenly opened, causing her to fall back onto the ground behind her. Her head hit the ground somewhat hard, snapping her towards whoever the heck managed to open her door.

But the fear she felt for a second dissipated as her blurred vision cleared to reveal Dazai standing above her, staring down at her with a smirk.

"My, my, (Y/n). I didn't expect for you to be at my feet so quickly!" he exclaimed, still holding the door with one hand while the other rested in his pocket.