imagine: you could finally move out but, because of the situation with felix, your temptation to move away was growing stronger - it was time to leave him for good, he just wasn't sure if he was ready.
y/n's pov
"did you pack your bags?" your mom stood in the doorway, staring blankly at you with a weak smile, "are you really leaving?"
you hadn't seen felix in months, you refused to let yourself be in the same room as him. it was hard, and you regretted leaving him every day that passed by. he was everything you ever wanted, everything you ever hoped for - it was a short lasting thing that you hoped would never end.
seeing him with another girl hurt. you'd thought to yourself multiple times that he wouldn't do that, that he could never move on so quickly... so easily. yet, there he was, you saw it with your own eyes. it was still hard to believe, because even seeing it for yourself didn't convince you.
it was a miscommunication, it had to be, it was the only reasonable explanation. and, honestly? it was too hard. it was hard for you sit back and let him carry on without knowing you still waited. there wasn't a day you hadn't waited. day by day, hour by hour, you glared at your phone waiting for that notification to pop up; felix's name lit brightly, and the three words you wanted to hear the most - 'i miss you'. you'd started to think he no longer missed you, he didn't seem to pay attention to anything you posted or said online. he acted as though you were a person he knew, but didn't care for.
you just wanted verification... you wanted reassurance that he, too, wanted you. was it so hard to ask for? were you so desperate for his attention?
"i can't stay forever."
"it'll just be a few years, just until you save up an-"
"mom," you stopped her, smiling, "i'll be fine."
you were never worried about moving out, you were just disappointed you were moving out alone. felix should have been with you... you wished he was..
your bags were packed, and you readied yourself to leave everything behind. walking through the doorway, you looked up to glance at him for what you knew would be the last time.
"felix-"
"where are you going?" he bit the inside of his cheek as he watched your mom help you carry out suitcases and bags, filling the car.
"lix-"
"you're leaving me?" he frowned.
you didn't think he'd turn up, you didn't think he cared much about what you did anymore.
"why?" he stepped forward, trying to look away from the suitcases passing by. he clenched his fists in attempt to stop himself dragging your bags back inside, "why didn't you tell me? were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"
now that he was here, you felt almost sorry for him. you'd hate it if he was the one running away, you couldn't imagine how he felt.
"i'm not running away from you," you gulped, dropping your bag to move nearer to him. he stood just a distance away from you, watching your footsteps edge closer to where he stood. things between the two of you seemed a little twisted, so you were glad he showed up, you had the chance to leave as friends.
"you didn't tell me..."
"would you have stopped me going if i did?"
he gulped, "i'd go with you."
you shook your head, rejecting his offer to leave with you, "don't you think we should go our separate ways now?"
"i've waited for you. every day," he sniffled, "i waited! and you didn't come back for me."
the tears welling in his eyes urged you to turn away, one look at them and you'd refuse to leave his side. you'd lost everything with him, it was pointless going back for someone who didn't seem to even want you.
"well," he ran his sleeve over his eyes, wiping away the tears he tried to hide, "if you're not going to say anything, i'll go."
he turned away, waiting for you to drag him back into your arms. but the second he turned away from you, you picked up your bag and continued to pack your car. his arms dropped by his side when you nudged past him, his heart broke just watching you walk away like he didn't matter to you anymore.
it hurt you more. that was the last contact you'd have with him, and it was nothing but a shove. you could say nothing more, what was there to say? would you ask for him back? would you change your mind and stay home? would you take him with you? you wanted to... but you couldn't.
felix's future was something you cared for. if you couldn't take care of him now, what makes him think you can take care of him when he gets old? you couldn't cope as it is... it was harder than you expected it to be. he was the only one you'd ever really fall in love with, which is why you promised yourself never to fall in love again. you wanted what you had with felix to last, and every moment you shared together would always be in the back of your mind.
he left without another word, and you turned your head to where he'd started walking away. that was the last time you'd see him walk away, the last time you'd hear his voice, the last time you'd touch him, the last time you'd feel his presence...
you thanked him for walking away first. you couldn't bring yourself to tell him to leave. he'd have that sat in the back of his mind for years, wondering what he'd done wrong for you to ask him to leave.
