Shoni

Chapter 5

Shelby's POV

Since Nora has been gone I have been keeping track of the dates in the journals, today is July first.

I wake up and check Fatins watch I see its 5:10 a.m and no one else is awake yet so I sneak over to Toni and give her a shake.

"Uh what's up." Toni says through a yawn

"Well everyone's asleep so, ya know we have some alone time." I say

"Ohh I like the sound of that." Toni says while laughing

I help her up and grab her hand we walk for awhile until we reach the lychee tree which at this point I designated as our little spot. I sit down under the tree and pull her down next to me.

"Good morning." I say while pulling her in for a kiss

"Good morning." she says back

She puts her hand on my leg

"So is this like...your first experience with a girl?" Toni asks

"Sorry I get that's a little random but I wanna know more about you." Toni says

I am filled with a little fear when she asks me this because I know Becca's name will come up if I tell the truth and I wanna be honest with Toni but talking about Becca is really hard for me.

"Uh yeah I mean I have always liked girls obviously, but my only other real experience was with my best friend Becca we were sitting in my room talking about my upcoming pageant and I kissed her." I tell Toni

"Oh wow looking at you making the moves." Toni says laughing

She laughs now but if I finished the story she would not be laughing.

"So how about you, what was your last relationship like?" I ask

"It uhh it didn't end well to say the least." Toni says

"What happened?" I ask

"We were on a date to the movies and on our way out some homophobes were bugging us, we were trying to get in the car but we couldn't get it unlocked and they wouldn't stop so I freaked out." Toni tells me sadly 

"Okay now when I tell you this next part please don't be pissed at me." Toni says quietly

"Hey I could never." I say while putting my hand on her check

"Okay well like I said I freaked out so I punched the guys then they pushed me back and so when I went to hit them again I....I accidentally hit her, I tired to apologize I would never... it was an accident. Anyway we got in the car and she basically told me how I was too much of an angry person for her to date so she dumped me, and I got out of the car and my rage overtook me so I broke her windshield. So I guess what she said was right." Toni says tears filling her eyes

"Hey she was not right you have a lot of reasons to be angry, and you feel your emotions in a big way but that's what makes you such a passionate person and that's not a bad thing, it's actually one of the things I love most about you." I say consoling her

"Thank you it feels really good to get that off my chest." she says

"So what happened with you and that friend of yours?" she asks

I was hoping she wouldn't ask, but I don't want to lie to her and honestly maybe it will help to tell someone, I hope she doesn't judge me.

"Okay I'll tell you but you have to promise not to hate me because what I did is a lot worse than what you did." I say

"Hey I could never hate you" she says smiling at me

"yeah you could, you have." I say nervously

"Shelby honestly, I never hated you I was jealous of you, I was jealous of your positivity and your calmness and control even when I didn't make it easy it's one of the things I  love most about You." She says

I just look at Toni and smile.

"Okay well my dad walked in on Becca and I kissing, and he told Becca's parents, they asked her if we kissed and she said yes but we were just kidding around, she assumed I had already told my parents and that's why it came up. After that, my dad didn't talk to me and when I finally got him to he told me he didn't want me to be alone and that that's what would happen if I were gay, so I lied I told him she kissed me and that it would never happen again. Out of fear, I stopped talking to Becca and I told her not to contact me" I tell Toni while staring at my feet 

I pause, I don't know if I can bear telling her the next part.

"Anyway she was worried about me so she came to my house, I was so scared about what would happen if I were seen around her so I begged her to leave but she wanted to explain to me that she assumed I'd already told my parents and that's why she told her parents. I was so so pissed and scared so I said a bunch of awful things to her, even throwing her sexual assault and depression back in her face it was horrible of me I know then I basically told her I hated her and never to speak to me again." I tell Toni

I look up at Toni to see how she feels but she is just staring at me contently so I decide to finish my story.

"Then at my pageant, I was getting ready all the other girls looked at me weird and I was super confused so I was like what, and they told me, Becca.. Becca had um committed suicide her mom found her in her car. so yeah I am a shitty horrible person." I say through tears

"Shelby your not a horrible person, you were put in a hard situation and you acted irrationally out of fear and anger I do it all the time. Sure what you said hurt her but  like you said she had depression this wasn't your fault, she was struggling with mental illness you can't blame yourself for that." Toni says to me while hugging me tightly

"I have never really told anyone that but like you said it felt good to get off my chest, are you sure you don't hate me?" I ask

"I could never hate you." she says and put her head on my shoulder

We sit there for a while more just holding each other.

"It's been an hour and a half we should head back." I say while looking down at one of Fatins watches I was using.

"Okay" Toni says

I pull her in for a kiss, I never wanted it to end but after a few minutes Toni pulled away

"We should get going." She says with a giggle

"Fine" I say reluctantly

"Oh, shit let's get some lychees real quick though so we can say that's why we were gone." Toni says

"Okay" I say back

We begin to pick a few lychees and put them in our shirts before walking back.

Writer- Hey everyone I hoped you liked this chapter sorry it got a little dark, lol anyway thanks for reading. Xoxo