AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE

CHAPTER 6 - STORMS/FARLAN (PT. 2)

"I've never, ever been a blue calm sea...

I have always been a storm."

"Storms" by Fleetwood Mac

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Farlan saw that the color of death is beige. Beige, poorly stuffed chairs, beige walls that peeled and cracked, fluorescent lights dimmed by the discolored beige casings, beige sheets and bathrooms and counters. All with the purpose of hiding dirt and constant use, but it only served to make the garish grime more glaring and disheartening. Next to its bland nothingness, beige made all the colors around it turn stale and false. Because color was hope, and there was no more hope here.

Farlan sat in the beige waiting room waiting. His stomach felt like it was eating itself, and he kept trying to hold his shaking hand down with his other shaking hand, but then everything else would start shaking. He could only take half breaths because the tsunami of darkness was just at the very edge of his breath, and he couldn't go there yet.

His mom had taken her last staggering breath a half hour ago, and now he waited to take Levi to see her down a beige hallway that would lead to the only sterile place the woman had probably ever been.

Levi fluttered through the revolving hospital door like a black butterfly. A wave of motion and emotion until he saw Farlan sitting in an empty waiting room, his feet pulled up in the chair and his forehead down on his knees, rocking.

He walked to him quietly and dropped down in front of him,resting on his knees. He whispered his name. "Far?"

The boy didn't respond, so Levi sat next to him and reached over the fixed arm rests to firmly pull him down to his shoulder. Farlan melted against him and his brother rocked him in his arms, his stony face and his unblinking eyes staring at the clock on the wall across from them.

There were no tears from Levi for Kuchel. He was, and had been for a long time, empty of all feelings for her. But for Farlan, Levi had everything to give. He would do anything for the kid, including helping him grieve for a lost cause that the boy had loved and called mom. A woman who had done more for Farlan than she ever had done for Levi. Levi seemed to accept that and was grateful for it. He often said that Farlan had survived way worse than he had. He deserved Kuchel, way more than he did. While Farlan didn't agree with that, he was just so glad Levi was there.

Even still, he was worried what would happen to him now that his mom died. The only reason family services allowed Kuchel to foster him was because they couldn't find another place for him. Surely, Levi would have to let him go, now that Kuchel was gone. It was bad enough that she was gone. Levi was his brother now. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him too.

Driving on the freeway heading home, Levi and Farlan sat in silence as the sun came up over the buildings. It felt like it should just be dark for a while. Didn't the world know what had happened? The sun hurt Farlan's eyes, and he covered them with his fingers.

Levi glanced over at him, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "So we need to talk about where you're going to go now."

Farlan rubbed his eyes harder with the tips of his fingers, trying to press the onslaught of tears back into his eyes. "Yeah, okay."

Levi put on his sunglasses and stared out the windshield. He looked like an aviator. He sat quiet for a moment more. "I hate to have you change schools in the middle of your sophomore year, but I don't want you living alone in the apartment either."