AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE

CHAPTER 42 - DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER by CROWDED HOUSE

SPOTIFY LINK: https://open.spotify.com/track/7G7tgVYORlDuVprcYHuFJh?si=f1a8099a8e404430

He woke up feeling jittery. Free floating anxiety surrounding him. Loud noises startled him, and he just wanted to stay in bed.

He'd crawled out of Eren's bed still in his clothes from last night, his mouth a nest of nastiness. He kissed Eren's head and had that same overwhelming feeling, that he just wanted to crawl in bed with him and stay safe from the world.

He was out of sorts. Their fight came back full force from last night while he went through the motions of showering and getting dressed. Why? Why was he so hung up on keeping him out? It didn't make sense why it was so easy for him to be open with all of the other people in his life and not the one he loved the most. He felt fucked up in his mind. Was therapy their answer? He scoffed and shook his head. Really, they were adults. They could work it out between them. But the fact that therapy seemed more and more like a solution fucked him up. He'd always been able to solve his own problems, by himself. But he and Eren came together at different frequencies, and he felt afraid of the day ahead. Like he couldn't avoid a feeling of doom. That in spite of anything he might do would, he and Eren were careening towards their end. It took everything in his power to not crawl back into bed. Instead he stood in the doorway listening to Eren's breath and watching his bare shoulders rise and fall, soft and glowing from the light coming in from the window. He took a deep breath and turned around, his heart pounding.

As the day progressed, Levi texted Eren more than usual. He couldn't help worrying that Eren would finally come to his senses. He'd been so close to leaving him last night. Levi shoved his sandwich aside on his desk and stared out at the gulf waters. Eren wanted to know about his childhood, his life with Farlan and Kenny. He wanted to know about his mom. Each of these memories twisted his stomach and made his heart pound. His temples drummed and his mouth was filled with cotton. He could barely think about these things, let alone talk about them in calm, rational statements.

He had done it with Hange, Erwin, and Isabel. It wasn't scary. It just felt like a nuisance. It didn't disarm him and make his stomach hurl. What was the difference between those three and Eren?

His phone chimed to indicate Eren was replying:

"Hey babe, how are you feeling? I've been feeling like my heart is hurting fighting with you like that."

"Yeah, I don't feel so good about myself. I can't wait to put my arms around you. I wish I hadn't scheduled this dinner."

"You're sweet. I can't wait to be in your arms. It'll be fine. We can take care of it together. Then get in bed.:-)"

"Sounds like heaven, brat. I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you too."

Levi took a deep breath and looked over his work, taking another bite of his sandwich. That voice of dread was a little bit smaller as he swallowed the bite. Keep walking forward. Keep your head up. Meet people in the eye. Especially if he was terrified.

*****

Eren and Isabel giggled over the stove, while heating up the oven. Isabel held a glass of wine, her eyes brimmed with tears from laughing so hard. "Do you...do you remember that his pants fell down when he ran away?"

Eren cackled in response. "Yeah! The fact that he was crying killed me. Great big guy on the streets, and he's afraid of a little snake."

Isabel threw her head back, laughing harder. "Awww we had some good times, some good times." Eren grinned and laughed some more.

Their storytelling was interrupted by Eren's phone. "It's Mikasa," he said, and stepped away from the counter. "What's up little sister? To what do I owe this pleasure?"