AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE

CHAPTER 38 - PARADISE CITY by GUNS 'N ROSES

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Eren had not mentioned going to therapy since their talk earlier in the week. It bothered Levi that Eren's behavior had changed since then. Nothing drastic, just barely, but he was a student of knowing when there were shifts in a person. He could feel the air in the room change whenever someone who was close to him ever-so-slightly became different. When he was a kid and every moment brought a new and immediate danger, he had no choice but to watch the adults around him. They might all of a sudden change their feelings or fly into a rage. He had to be ready for anything.

It's how he survived all of his mother's attacks, or worse, the perverted attempts of the men she dragged home. He learned to lay low and out of the way...scurrying in and out of rooms and making himself small and invisible.

As an adult, it served him just as well. He could figure out what people wanted or how they felt just by listening to their breath. He always knew when Isabel, Hange or Nanaba were about to start crying long before their partners did. He could see Erwin's quiet frustration from a mile away. He could smell Mina's fed-up state before she blew up at the lack of proper protocol, especially with files.

People stopped being surprised when he'd calmly walk in and smooth over every moment of difficulty or disease. They came to expect him to be the trouble solver. They never saw deeper that it had become necessary for his own equilibrium. No one paid attention to how tired he was becoming, or how much he didn't want to have to take care of everyone anymore, let alone Eren. That wasn't the truth. He did want to take care of Eren. He just didn't want to take care of his issues. He had no clue how to deal with those. That just irritated the fuck out of him. He didn't want to have to deal with his own past, let alone Eren's.

What he had picked up on this week was a hurt Eren. A dismissed Eren. An Eren that he knew was starting to doubt what the hell he was doing with such a neurotic man. Is this not specifically what he told those two loons? He's not good enough.That's not something therapy can fix fast enough to make Eren stay. Levi was feeling himself, ever so slightly, easing up on the reins. He felt a horrible emptiness.

Mina's voice crackled through the intercom. "Hange's here to see you."

"Tell them I'm not here."

The woman's crystal clear giggle came through. "They're standing right here, Levi. They can hear you."

"Yeah, I can hear you!" Shitty's voice was muffled.

"Fuck off, Hange."

Static crackled for a moment and Hange's voice came across way too loud. "See you in a sec!"

"Sorry, honey." Mina fumbled with the hand piece.

"You're fired, old girl."

He heard her laugh, as Hange pushed through the door into his office. They began pacing while Levi crossed his arms and scowled at them. "What did you do?"

They glanced over at the man, one of their fingernails held tight between their teeth. They would stop in front of Levi's desk, shake their head and start walking again.

Levi sighed and picked up the report he'd been trying to read when his mind ran away with his thoughts of Eren. He held up his head on his fist, waiting for them to speak. When they sank into the chair in front of him, he saw true worry in their eyes. This was not good.

"I did something."

"Mm-hmm. I figured."

"I need you to promise that you won't be mad."

He narrowed his eyes at them. "It depends on what it's about." He watched them nod and let out a deep breath.

"Eren," they breathed out. "It's about Eren."