AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE

CHAPTER 12 - FADE INTO YOU by MAZZY STAR

So this chapter is about Isabel and Eren's time on the streets. There isn't anything graphic, but it deals, of course, with teenage homelessness and the dangers of being on the street. There is reference to rape. I've put asterisks before and after that portion specifically so you can skip it if you need to. We must always take care of ourselves first and foremost.

To my incredibly brave and precious babes on the streets as we speak, you have my utmost respect, love and awe at what badassmotherfuckers you are. I love you. Please stay safe and do anything you have to do to survive until it's no longer like this. I promise that there's light on its way.

SPOTIFY LINK  https://open.spotify.com/track/1LzNfuep1bnAUR9skqdHCK?si=f00a394ab6ad4ab1

Levi sat on his tiny balcony, his back to the door frame and his arm draped across his knee. It was pretty cold, but he didn't feel it. The wind swirled around and pushed the smoke into his eyes, making them water. His conversation with Isabel played on repeat, digging grooves into his brain and draining his heart. He was so careless sometimes...got so wrapped up in whatever he was afraid of or mad about, that he launched words like missiles towards the people he most wanted to protect.

He was careless and selfish. She'd been angry with him before when he'd been mean to Farlan or hadn't taken care of himself, but she'd never turned from him like tonight, laying a stone, heavy in his chest. Dread and icy fear coursed through his veins. He felt like he could barely breathe.

Years ago, when he'd found her pulling the basket of food out of the garbage at the bar, he'd been enraged. Not because she was stealing, but because she deserved so much more. Damn the life that would put that kind of gun to this girl's head and force her into the decisions she had to make to survive.

This was evidence, yet again, that there wasn't anything out there keeping bad things from happening to good people. What kind of a fucking pathetic god would allow Farlan to barely survive his childhood, would stick Levi with a negligent, drug addicted mother, would drive Isabel from a alcohol infested home and onto the streets or let Hange's father beat her with a stick because she didn't want to wear a dress? Fuck that shit.

He decided he would save her. If Levi had his way, from that moment on, he would make sure she would never want for anything again. He would protect her the way he hadn't been protected, and the way he couldn't protect Farlan. He would make it right for all of them through Isabel. She was the brightest light he had ever seen.

When he first heard her voice chiming through "Fade Into You", he almost started crying, right there over his guitar strings. She was the purest, sweetest thing. And he fell in love with her instantly. Not obviously in romantic love, but in the knowledge that if she wasn't in his life, it would hurt too much. It would be so empty. She was like a hot house bloom in the dim and dreary world he'd existed in for so long.

To see Eren so effortlessly sweep in and turn Isabel's light towards himself made Levi feel afraid. He hated to admit it, but he was jealous of their easy intimacy. Even though he knew it had taken years for Eren and Isabel to cultivate their relationship, it made him feel less special. He'd gotten so used to her, he'd never really put thought into just how important she had become. It just felt like she'd always been there and always would be.

It was well past one in the morning when a soft knock sounded on his door. He bolted up and staggered to the door, his body stiff from the cold, still hours. He opened the door to find Isabel in her footie pajamas, the hood pulled up over her mass of curls.

Levi felt the air leave him, and he opened his arms just as she leapt into them. Burying his face into the flannel softness of her scent, he kissed the side of her face and murmured, "Iz, I'm so sorry."