Linked To You II

LTY II: Sowon

What's the point of loving someone who doesn't love you anymore, right? I can say I have the best days with Jeonghan in the past months. He took care of me well and never even let a mosquito bite me. I was so lucky that my heart was contented by how he treated me.

But then I told myself that I don't want to be selfish anymore. Seeing him hurt because he was with me was the worst feeling ever. He tried his best to hide it but I can see through his eyes. I did shallow and unacceptable things to keep him. Yeah, curse me I didn't even want him to meet his own flesh and blood.

I already know that the twins were Jeonghan's that's why I was so afraid. Afraid that I will finally lose him completely if he knows that he was now a father. How did I find out? That day I told Jeonghan that I saw him drunk, he drowned himself with alcohol because he is either mad that we were fighting again or confused that he was feeling something for Yanika that he discovered in his vacation that he wasn't supposed to feel.

I knew something is wrong when he came back. He began to worry so much more about her than before. He told me that I have nothing to worry about and that he was just doing his part as a husband but my guts tell me the other way. As they say, a woman's instinct is always right. And I was indeed right, everything changed when he came back. He doesn't stop worrying about her to the point that I even asked him to stop texting her.

Yanika didn't show any interest at first but I can already see in her eyes that he began to catch feelings for her husband but was trying to do her best to avoid or stop it and I do understand that she doesn't want to hurt me or ruin our relationship then I heard that she talked to the management of Pledis that they shouldn't cancel Jeonghan's contract because he will leave him anytime soon hence the divorce.

I was so happy back then but coldness embraced me when Jeonghan finally found out that the marriage was about to be terminated. He was dead. He was cold as ice. He was confused about what he was feeling and doesn't know how to handle it. Until he unraveled what that crazy unfamiliar feeling is, he loves her.

My world turned upside down. I suddenly felt that when his world began, my world stopped then and there. I began to question why. I began to question what happened. I began to doubt myself not knowing it was me who pushed him away because of my damn attitude.

I was obsessed with him if that's the right word. I made my world revolved around him which was crazy because when he left me, I collapsed. I was weak and stupid to even attempt to take my life away to get him back to me. I was crazy. Too crazy that I began to hurt him more. I began to hurt myself more. We were both careworn. I was strangling him by the neck while I was throttling myself silently.

I never wanted to do that to myself but I lose control of everything. I lost my sanity and became evil. Not minding if I am hurting him for as long as I am happy and he is by my side. I trapped him to my advantage. Too late for me to realized that he was slowly changing. He was no longer the man I love. He pushed me away and slapped me with the reality that he doesn't love me anymore but I still pushed myself to him.

I was too hurt because of how he was pushing me away. I became a drunkard especially when Yanika came back. I was so afraid that we will be drifting away more. I found out that Yanika's twins were his because I investigated. In the first place, I already had a hunch that it was his because I saw Yanika running away from their home early in the morning the night after Jeonghan was so drunk. After that time, Jeonghan acted so weirdly. I didn't know what happened that time but for sure I saw Yanika at their concert in Los Angeles with a bump. I saw her crying when I got focused on the camera and she walked out. I know it was her but I didn't tell Jeonghan even when I know she was looking for her before.

Nothing changed even when I tried my best to get back to Jeonghan, he forcedly agreed because I endanger myself but he was no longer the same. I even got myself pregnant because of being so drunk and far worst, I let him take the responsibility. I have done so many things wrongly and I am admitting them. But reality slapped me so hard, Yanika was so nice to me.

Never did she ruin a moment that I have with Jeonghan. She even took care of me when I almost got a miscarriage. She made sure I was given the care and I just break down on that. I can't believe after all the things I have done to her and her family, she still took care of me. She sends me flowers, food, and all the care I needed when I was at the hospital. Because she understood having no one when she was pregnant, and my heart breaks for her knowing she raised the twins alone. I was already having a hard time with my pregnancy and how much more did she face when she was broken too that time? It was time for me to face it that time.

No matter how I pulled them away from each other, I guess destiny has its way of bringing them back together. Jeonghan has never cared for me, he only did when Yanika told him to.

He showed me the love that I should be experiencing while I am pregnant but I can see it in Jeonghan's eyes that he was wishing that I was her. He's wishing and hoping that he got Yanika pregnant instead. I can see how he smiles at her when she visits me. How his face lights up every time Yanika messages him even when the message was about me. Yanika does mean a lot to him.

And I am now happy that I can let him go. I can finally set him free and I can now also fix my heart and myself whom I ruined myself.

It might take time for me to fix this with professional help but I will be willing to get some help and finally move on. I am happy now.

I am happy even when tears are falling on my face. The heavy feeling I have been feeling was finally out.

I love you, Jeonghan~ah. But I will be loving you from a far now. 

But you deserve someone like Yanika. 

You two deserve each other. 

I just hope Yanika still feels the same way for you.