Linked To You II

LTY II: Jeonghan

>>Yoon, Jeonghan<<

My blood boil when Sowon told me about the baby but I couldn't make myself mad at her at the moment because she just lost her baby too and I really wanted to run to Yanika, right now.

Trembling as I run towards the elevator. Gradually, composing myself on how should I talk to her.

What should I tell her?

Should I really tell her that I love her even if it's too late?

But that's the point, I should at least tell her what I am feeling so I won't regret it.

I will tell her even when I know that she already has her own babies and her own husband – a family.

I will tell her about our invalid divorce and I will tell her that I love her.

Even if it will be unrequited, I should be happy that I finally told her what I am feeling exactly.

I wanted to tell her how much I miss her.

I wanted to tell her how much I love her and how an asshole I am for not noticing her presence.

I wanted to hold her in my arms.

I just want to release this heavy feeling that I am carrying.

I wanted to cry on her shoulder and I did.

I am crying on her shoulders because that's the only thing I could do now.

I can't say it to her.

I just can't say it to her.

She cried so much because of me and I can't let her experience pain anymore.

I can't.

I was standing there, and I saw her with him. He was holding her so dearly as they began conversing seriously. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't move. I hid behind the palm trees, making sure that not even my shadow will be seen. I was looking at them staring at the moonlight reflected brightly by the ocean. He was hugging Yanika from behind making sure that she keeps her warm.

I know that pain crept on my chest the moment I saw him hugging her, it's jealousy. But who am I to ruin that? I am her ex-husband in her eyes.

I am glad that he has been very gentle with Yanika and I appreciate that. If he won't end up with me might as well prioritize her safety if she's with someone else.

I was breathing but I don't feel like breathing anymore because of what I am seeing.

I stopped staring and turn my back on them. I know this is awkward but I couldn't make myself go away. I exhaled upon overhearing their conversation. I wasn't that far from them that's why.

"I love him. I still do love him," I instantly felt the hope that I was that person and it made me smile. I bravely look at them chatting and I thought the smile won't fade away until I heard the next words, she said, "I still love Jeonghan but I don't wanna love him anymore," what? why? I badly wanted to asked. But he made her looked at him in the eye.

"I don't wanna hurt anymore," she said again. Her eyes were watery and the tears overflowing her cheeks natural red cheeks. I can see the pain in her eyes which made my smile instantly dropped. My heart stopped and my world crumbled.

"I don't wanna hurt him anymore. I just wanted to be happy but that would be impossible," my chest tightened not wanting to hear those words so I barely heard anything thereon.

I got lost. I am experiencing constant chest pains.

"Please. Please help me. Please help me forget. Please help me let him go. Please help me let him go. Please, Henry. Please," she sounded so hurt while telling him those words. It sounded so painful when she was uttering those words to him. She was pleading for him to ease the pain. They met each other's eyes and I know what's going to happen next and I can't witness that so I turn my back again. He will kiss her.

I felt my world died down hearing that she loves me but it's hurting her. It also pains me to see him being there, loving her while she still loves me. What should I do now?

She's in pain. In way too much for us to be together now.

I don't think I can tell her that I love her too while knowing that loving me hurts her so much.

Did she marry him because she wanted to get over me? Did she really do that?

But one thing is definitely sure now, I can't let her get hurt anymore. I can't let her be in pain. And if it's me who's giving her all the pain then...

After he calmed down, Yanika asked him to leave. She wanted to be alone. I took it as an opportunity to be with her. I slowly approached her but silently and carefully because she knows all the ways to defend herself when she's in danger.

I hugged her from the back because I know it comforts her. I can feel her tensed muscle relaxed the moment I embraced her. She got mad because she thought I was him but still lets me hugged her. When I rested my head on her shoulders that's when she realized I wasn't him.

She was startled and obviously shocked but all I know is that she didn't refuse the hug. She allowed me to do it and I was thankful for that. I know that this means that she just wanted to seize the moment. Or she just wanted to also help me because I gave her another wrong idea why I was there.

We bickered like we used to and it was fun. She thought I fought with Sowon that's why I was in there and she finally told me that she's leaving which is definitely hurtful for me.

Please, don't leave me, I badly wanted to ask but I couldn't utter it.

All I did was cry. It was too painful for me. I can't let her go but I also can't see her like that. I was just crying not uttering a single word. I just cried.

I am dumb to not tell her but should you when you are hurting her?

I love you so much but when you are near me, I am hurting you. This is just so unfair now. I think I should just let him have you because you look happier with him.

"Promise me, you will be happy," I told her at last.

"I will be happy," she said. I raised my head look at her in the eyes and she's weeping too.

"I don't want to see you cry anymore," I told her.

"So, don't make me cry then," a smile came out while she was still weeping. I reached for her cheeks and gently wipe away those tears flowing from there.

"Does he make you happy?" she nodded.

"Does he understand you?" she nodded again without a doubt.

"Deal. I won't make you cry ever again," I said with the heaviest heart. I pulled her into a hug not wanting to let her go. She sobbed so much that my shirt got wet now. I heard what I wanted to hear and it is enough for me now.

Just that the heavens might have heard our sourness that the rain started to pour on us. I panicked as I told her, "We have to go."

But then she gave me the sweetest smile and looked at the sky. She stood up and began to run away from me, enjoying the rain like a little kid. She was running by the shore, spreading her arms and enjoying every bit of the rain showers. It was fun to look at because after I made her cry, she still managed to smile. Maybe it's not yet our time to be together or maybe I will be able to meet her in my next life and I will be able to enjoy my time with her. I smiled and followed her. I to run and began chasing her.

"Come on Jeonghan~ah! Pali!" she screamed her lungs out and reached for my hand. I gladly took and we began running away again.

I got the chance to held her hand again and wished, "Lord, can I meet her again in the afterlife or my next life? I promise I won't ever let her go."

But for now, I am letting her go.