Sarah Paulson One Shots

My Fault ~B.DH

Requested~ wh0reforsallymcknna
"Y/N commits and character is too late. Show what said character does after y/n death."
TW~ Suicide
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You passed through downtown in the pouring rain with the occasional thunder. How fitting. You thought about everything you had done wrong, everything you had said but didn't mean, and everything in between those times telling your self that you were a burden and had no self purpose.

No wonder she loves you no longer.

You made a cut in your route and trudged through the park with your arms swinging on your sides. Without a hood on your jacket or and umbrella above your head, you were soaked head to toe. After all, this wasn't your plan for the day. The plan you only hoped to fall through with was spending time together with her instead of spending forever away from her.

You found yourself on the bridge that arched over the entire park with a river that was overflowing from the constant downpour. Placing your hands on the railing of the overpass your mind was nonstop with over bearing thoughts and an evil subconscious. You leaned over.

A voice yelled in the distance, it made you jump. But not enough to fall. "Y/N?! What are you doing?" There she was standing on the other end with her clothes drenched, hair soaked from the rain that fell just before her shoulders dripping onto her coat . She too had no umbrella above her head.

Your eyes filled mocking the rapid current below you before falling down your cheeks mixing in with the sky's cries that had landed on the world below it. You remembered the blondes question. What are you doing? To be completely honest you weren't sure. You knew you were not doing this because of her. You weren't doing this because you were scared of the stages of grief yet to come. You were doing this because it scared you if you didnt. It scared you to continue life with these thoughts and what ifs.

"I have to Billie." You yelled back. Billie was slowly getting closer to you, the woman didnt want to startle you and cause the worst to happen. "No you dont! We can start over!" Her voice was breaking while being jumbled up with the sound of the droplets hitting all surfaces in way. Start over? "You've pulled that card too many times." She gave the idea of us too many chances and you were tired. Billie couldn't admit to herself that maybe it was better to not be something more, but maybe just friends would suit you two fine.

"I'm sorry Y/N! Just please dont leave." Its ironic because just an hour before she was tear stained and screaming at you to do just the opposite. Why did she care so much now? If you had just gone home and done it any other way, she would have gone a life without knowing. Sometimes not knowing is better.

"Just know, it was never your fault." You leaned over the edge of the bridge head first. You felt yourself sliding down closer and closer towards the waters below you. Billie ran to you screaming; no no no as if it would reverse your actions. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. The blonde tried to grab your ankle but she was seconds too late.
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That was a month ago. And Every day since then, Billie would walk across the bridge running her hand along the railing, trying to contact you, feel you in anyway, to give her some closure. But each time you wouldn't turn up. You knew she was there trying her best to make it right.

"Why now?" You spoke out. Billie whipped her head around after sealing her gaze on the veiw. "Y/N." She gasped your name then immediately cupping your face with her hands. You jerked away from her grasp causing her a small frown.

"Why do you care now?" It took the blonde a moment to give you an answer, all she had was; "Because I want to make it right." You cocked an eyebrow "Don't you think it's a little late for that." She shook her head in response. Maybe it wasnt too late in her book. She talked to the dead like they were still roaming the Earth with a beating heart so it was never a wrong time to her.

A thought of "disappearing" again crossed you for a moment, "Why were you here that night? I never told you where I was going." It was true. You had stormed out of her home slamming the door behind just after she screamed at you to leave with tears streaming down both of your faces. Was it normal? Yes. Toxic? Not in a sense of hurt. It was more so that you two really wanted to work as a couple, no matter how hard you tried it was too much. All or nothing is how Billie put it. And neither one of you bear the thought of losing the other. If anything it was more complicated.

"Because I had the same idea you did." She didnt look at you, only exhaled a breath she had been holding for too long. Your face softened giving her a sadden look though she was unable to see it.

"I spent nights think how to be better and if I should try harder or just go with the flow." She paused with your full attention. "But you were wrong Y/N, it was my fault."

Before you knew it there she went, over the railing...
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A/N~ I think I went off request, but I was also told "need something heart shattering." So sorry if I just killed your comfort Character.

I've wrote more "intense" (?) Mental health lately on here but mainly on my other book. So I kinda took a small break, I'm back now tho.
<3

-requests open :)