Sarah Paulson One Shots

Dear Cordelia ~ C.G

Requested- hollypaige1 "y/n is self harming and Delia finds out why"

TW- Self Harm, slight mention of suicide, panic attack, mentioned death of a loved one.

•••

Dear Cordelia,
Sometimes we do things for the people we love. No matter how much pain it might cause us. Just know that everything I do, is always for you.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊𓋼

The morning sun shown through the sheer curtains of you and Cordelia's shared bedroom. Her arm wrapped around you protectively. The blonde's breathing was heavy and slow. A slight rasp lingered with each puff of air leaving her mouth. She was fast asleep.

Now, as she lay unconscious you began to notice how her skin had become grey. How her cheek bones were more pronounced then they usually were. Her lips on the dryer side. It didn't take a visual to know that the life in her eyes that used to glimmer with peace and security was missing. Dull. It pained you to know that it was all your fault.

You were afraid to be around her. It was with each beat that your heart made, Cordelia's got weaker. You thought if you made constant space between the both of you, things wouldn't happen so quickly. Instead, it made her wished her time would come fast. Anything to get it done and over with. She hated seeing you in agony. You spaced her away so much, Cordelia began to forget what your voice sounded like. She'd do anything to get her sweet girl back.

The power that tingled in your palms was once hers. The urge for it to come out was stronger each day. Making each day closer to Cordelia's last. However, the power of supreme was stronger this morning.

Slipping out of the bed, making sure not to wake the weakened blonde you stepped into the bathroom softly closing the door behind you. Rummaging through the cabinets trying to find anything that could help suppress these abilities. Your hands stumbled upon a razor blade in one of the drawers.

It wasnt the first time you've done this. Ever since the beginning of Cordelia's fading you'd been cutting or purposely injuring yourself in hopes that your sacrifices were giving you more time with the Supreme. This was simply not how it worked. You knew that, but tricking your brain sounded better then facing a painful reality.

Rolling up the sleeve of your shirt, your fingertips traced each cut you had made these past months. Countless lines up one by one. Yet, it didnt feel like enough. You thought maybe if you kill it from the source, that would do the trick.

Dear Cordelia,
I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love you. Please forgive me in the time we still have.

Bringing the blade to the palm of your hand and drawing a line on each, a hiss escaped your body. Still keeping quiet while Cordelia lay in bed stiring. It was as if she could feel your pain.

You drew a few more lines on your body with each cry getting louder and breathless staggering, you nearly pushed yourself to the edge and ending it all right there. The world was blurry. Your eyes filled with tears of regret as you sit there blood dripping off your palms. But remembering who this was all for kept you going. Kept you breathing even if it had become a chore for her.

Dear Cordelia,
After all these years you protected me and kept me safe in your arms. I now see that it was my turn to save you and I'm running out of time.

Cordelia's frame shot up from the bed. A burning sensation took over her hands. Missing the feeling of warmth from your side of the covers she rushed over to the bathroom door where your faint screams of defeat fled her ears. "Y/N?" A panic tone attacked her usual soft and gentle one.

You didnt have enough time to respond before Cordelia ran in taking in the scene before her. "Sweetheart?" She knelt down beside you in attempts of taking you into her embrace. "No- don't touch me" You swatted her hands away tears still falling down your cheeks. "Hey, hey shh it's alright."

Cordelia grabbed a wash cloth dampening it a little to wrap it around your wounded hands. "Stop helping me!" She looked up at you a little shocked, but she knew this wasnt you.

Dear Cordelia,
Sometimes I wish that we never fell in love. It would have made losing you so much easier.

Cordelia took a look at your arms. She didnt dare touch them knowing it would only make this worse. "Y/N, tell me what's going on." She sighed as you wiped your cheeks free of any left over emotion. "I'm killing you. I'm the reas- its all my fault Delia..I-." You eventually gave into her embrace, resting your head against her chest listening to her heart beat. Thankful it was still there.

"Oh sweet girl." Cordelias head buried in the top of yours placing light kisses there. "Its not your fault. It's just how it is, I know its scary for you, but I'm scared too" the two of you sat in silence until your cries fell into a subtle hiccup and the bleeding on your cuts had concluded.

"I love you Dee." You whispered into the fabric of her silk night gown. "I love you too Y/N, but you don't have to do this. Hurting yourself isnt stopping or suppressing it. Its hurting me more, I can feel it when you do."

Lifting your head from her grasp, you took her hand in yours grabbing it softly placing a kiss in her palms. "I'm sorry." Cordelia gave a gentle smile nodding accepting your apology. "I just wanted more time." The supremes fingers lingered in your hair brushing through it. She took this moment as a curse and a blessing. You hadn't held eachother like this in weeks due to fear and emotional pain. Yet, allowing her to see how much pain she couldnt have helped subside broke her down. If Cordelia knew, she wouldn't have let you get this far.

"So do I love. But I'm still here and I'm not going to let you go just yet. You don't have to hurt anymore."

Dear Cordelia,
...Love y/n

---------

(I'm leaving room for interpretation. You can say y/n died if you want. )

I'm not too keen on this one, yet I am. Idk mixed feelings. It's late and I did not re-read this :)