Dream SMP ~«One Shots»~

★It's.. Umm.. Nothing - Jschlatt

Warning this chapter may contain inappropriate language and mature content.

CW - self harm, scars, minor panic attack

Channel(s) - Schlatt, Ted, Charlie

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Schlatt's pov

"So chat!" I exclaim with a clap, getting ready to join Ted and Charlie on our podcast. "I'm going to be joining Ted and Charlie very soon for the podcast which I'm streaming for people who can't get access on YouTube but want to watch. But you'll only get me and no one else, you'll hear them talk and stuff" I explain, getting prepared to move chat and stuff.

I begin to talk to just distract the chat for a while until someone comments on my wrist.

"Hmm, what about it?" I ask, moving to tug on my sleeve but realize I left them rolled up from when I used the bathroom. "Oh.." I mumble softly, looking down at the scars and relatively new cuts to my forearms.

Don't get me wrong, I've got a good life now but my past is rough. I learnt the hard way about things, what I could and couldn't say. I was passed around in care a lot too. I moved schools frequently, I could never maintain a friend group.

My dad was sexually abusive towards me and my mum was just a drunk so, it made sense why I was forced in to care by the age of five.

"Can.. we not talk about that?" I ask softly, pulling my sleeves down and fidgeting with them.

Most people in chat say it's fine to not talk about it and I understand that they're worried but the others don't need to be so rude and press on about it.

I move on from the topic, joining the call with the other two and just trying to move forward with the podcast.

We talk for a while, answering questions and having fun. Then my chat brings back up the subject from before and I sigh.

"Twitch chat please be respectful and respect that I don't want to discuss this!" I exclaim and some people continue to push on, making my eyes tear up and hands shake.

"What's going on Schlatt?" Ted asks and I bite my lip, looking down at my lap.

"I left my sleeves rolled up.. and chat saw my scars and cuts.. I just really don't wanna get in to it right now" I say, trying to hold back tears with vigorous blinking.

"Then don't, your chat should respect your boundaries.. just don't read your chat okay" Charlie says back and I nod, rubbing my eyes.

"I'll maybe discuss this another time" I say to chat and we quickly move in from the subject.

<A week later>

"Hi chat.." I mumble, letting out a deep sigh as I pick up my stream after a week of being dead to social media. "So.. um.. I think I'm ready to discuss my scar situation.. from last stream" I say, swallowing deeply.

I look to chat, seeing most people spamming hi but there's an odd few 'take your time' messages in there too.

"So.. when I was in highschool.. I got bullied pretty badly.. this lead to my depression and the self harm.. now.. I was bullied because.. I'm gender fluid.. people didn't accept that during my highschool years and yeah.. it lead to this" I say, stuttering and pausing as I speak.

I slowly roll my sleeves up and show them the scars and cuts on my wrists.

"I moved on to my thighs too.. but I've mostly stopped.. these cuts are three weeks old, I haven't done anything since then.. Charlie and Ted, they're really helping me out at the moment" I say softly, tracing my fingers over the white scars.

I sigh softly, thinking to myself for a moment as I continue to run my fingers over the white scars and risen cuts.

"I had a lot of home problems.. shit parents and all.. I'm a care kid really.. grew up in the many homes belonging to strangers promising to keep me and be my last parents but they were all full of shit!" I exclaim, tearing up but not being quick enough to hold them back because they quickly fall.

I sniffle, feeling the tears drop on to my cheeks and quickly roll down. They soon land as droplets on my hands and thighs.

"It hurt.. fuck.. it still hurts.. no one wanted me.. no one.." I say shakily, my voice breaking as I try not to break down fully.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks, huffing and digging the palms of my hands into my eyes as I breathe through the urge to cry.

"Let's.. do something else with this stream. Instead of sitting hear watching me cry as I bitch about my life.. yeah?" I say, nodding my head as I load up Minecraft. There's no harm in showing of my new world to distract them.

I see a lot of respectful, warming and supportive comments. Many people showing empathy and sympathetic. Some even relating.

"Okay.. okay.. thank you chat, for being so respectful and sensitive with this. This was big for me to do, I've only ever told my therapist and a small group of friends" I say shakily, displaying my screen so they can see my Minecraft. "Let me show you something I've been working on as a distraction" I say, wiping my nose on my sleeve before logging in to my world.

I softly laugh, distracting myself from the saddening thoughts filling my head as I think back to my past and stuff. Looks like I'm gonna have to make a call to my therapist after this. I just need to sit and talk at this point.

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Word count - 996

Hello cubs, I hope you enjoyed this one shot and feel free to leave any requests in the comments! Have an amazing day or night and remember to eat something, stay hydrated and look after yourselves! <3