Amidst A Thousand Suns

~blues and greys~

(tw:- suicide attempt)

Anamika's P.O.V.

~~~

I pulled the strap of the seatbelt and only after assuring myself that I was secure, did I start my car.
A slow hiss exited my mouth as the seatbelt tightened itself too much due to which, the fold of my peacock blue saree fell over from my shoulder.
I adjusted that part of the attire an little too harshly and sighed when it got messed up even more.
Huh, I am not fixing it anymore.

Carefully, I took a reverse and turned the car in the direction of the gates and drove straight out of the small garage.

Today was a particularly tiring day at the bank.
With hundreds of people coming to my window asking to either deposit money in their account or to retrieve the same from the locker room, I couldn't even afford a minute of rest.

To be truthful, I hate this job so much.
It hadn't been like this earlier when I used to work as a kindergarten teacher. I had enjoyed and cherished that job since the day I was appointed as a teacher.
But after Arun's death, I did not wanted to take any risks regarding the financial situation.
Sure, we had enough finances to last us a long period of time, but more than that, I wanted to keep myself busy.
The job of a banker guaranteed me that.

Waking up early for work and going home at about six in the evening, provided me the perfect distraction from all the things.
Especially Aaghyaa.
No matter how much I don't want to blame her, but there is absolutely no denying the fact that she is a living, breathing reminder of all the things I have lost.
Not only Arun.
A hell lot of things.
My life, my dreams, my own self...
Everything.

I couldn't bear to even think of the fact that I would have to face her when I get home everyday.

And it wasn't like this before.
I had tried, okay?
I had tried so hard to do everything right.
But no, I just wasn't able to forget what all I had lost.
Sure, Aaghyaa's tiny, baby face and her silly giggles had challenged me to admit that it wasn't her fault at all.
She isn't aware of any of it.
But...

I just wish I had it in my heart to accept her and treat her and love her more, just like a daughter deserves.

I stopped right in front of the crossroads when the red light appeared on the traffic lights.
Bored and having nothing else to think about, my hands rotated the dial of the radio until the perfect frequency was caught and I could hear the song perfectly.

As if by instinct, my fingers started thrumming on the control wheel and I started singing along.

'mubaarakein tumhe ke tum
kisike noor ho gaye
kisike ke itne paas-'

My solo karaoke was interrupted abruptly by a loud thunder.
I rolled down the window and crooked my head a little to look at the sky above.

It looked as if someone had took a drop of dark grey paint and with a single stroke, painted the whole of the sky with it.

A memory flashed through my mind.
Few years back, when the sky was just like this and was about to pour down gallons of rain, Aaghyaa's had looked up with eyes of a weather forecast examiner and had asked me, 'Maa, people always say that it looks exactly like the real sky when a painter paints a picture of it. But what if I feel that the sky looks like a painting?'.
I had said nothing.
She pouted and turned to Arun, who looked unpleasantly at me and answered her that it was okay if that was what she felt.
But I still remember what I had thought.
Such a poet, my child; just like that girl.