Amidst A Thousand Suns

~nightmarish ordeal~

(tw:- romanticism of death)

Aaghyaa's P.O.V.

~~~

The sting on my cheek was unbearable.

I heard her thud the door to her room so loud that I swear I could feel the hardwood floor beneath my feet rumbling.

It was my fault.
All my fault.
All along, it was me.
I shouldn't have been born.
Because I have been nothing but a burden my whole life.

Somewhere down the line, she was an equal bearer of the blame, too.
But she is trying.
I think she is trying to make it a little better on her, on me; and most importantly, on us.
I cannot forget all the hurtful things she has said and done over all this years, but no, she cannot get the pass for correcting all the wrongs now!
She does not get to be the good guy, when I remain the bad one.
She does not get all the pity; she deserves none of it!

Because one act of goodness cannot be a ticket to justify all your wrongdoings.

I need to get out of here.
This place is suffocating me.
My own house is being a cage for me.
I need to run and focus all this...this unwanted energy into running or else my mind will explode by overthinking.

I grabbed a hairclip from my drawer and tied it into a messy bun, ignoring the wavy strands of hair that stuck out.
I descended down the stairs.
Her door was locked.
I had no courage to go and even look at her.
She disgusted me beyond anything.

My eyes fell on a small box placed on the kitchen counter.
I opened it to find a small cake with 'Happy Birthday!' written on a single wafer biscuit.

A snort exited my mouth.
I opened a drawer, took a spatula and beat at the box until I was assured that the cake inside it was squished completely.

She does not get the pass!
Never!
While it is me who has to suffer!

I threw the spatula on the ground as loudly as I could and exited the house, not caring to lock it shut.

While descending down the stairs from the front porch into our little garden, I felt a drop fell on my left forearm.
Upon looking up, I saw the dark grey sky.
It was about to rain anytime now.

I walked on the pavilion and shut the main gates of the house.

My mind is exploding; it's burning.
Sometimes, my own anger surprises me. Sometimes, the anger is too overwhelming for me to control that I would eventually succumb to it and would end up doing something or breaking something.
It does not continue to be like it; instead, after a few minutes I would return to my normal self, not a sign of the anger that I had expressed just some while ago.
But the problem isn't that.
The problem is the sudden shoot of burning I felt inside me when the anger hits me. It's so overpowering that I just can't think rationally.
And there was no denying that my anger issues controlled me; completely.
The fact that I am willing to do anything when I am in the heat of the moment and also calm down just after sometime makes me realise that how uncontrolled I am in my own skin.

Our house was on the very backside of the whole society, and so it was the most peaceful.
Or at least it seemed like it.
To finally get out of the society, I had to walk straight on a path and pass six bungalows on either side.
Just as I was about to cross the last ones and reach the iron gates, I saw a large truck in front of the first house in our line of houses, which was on the left side.