ROCK MY WORLD

8. Falling so Hard

We stayed late that night at the studio. It's 12am and James orders a pizza as we sit in the recording room. Lars talks about that one time Kirk and him had a threesome with some chick after the Seattle concert in '89.
"Stop it Lars, I don't do shit like that anymore", Kirk replies getting annoyed.
"I know you don't, I'm just reminding you of all the fun you used to have with the hot groupies", he replies.
"Groupies are annoying as fuck" Kirk replies, as he rolls his eyes.
"Only a few days left until we head out on the road", James says.
"How many tickets have been sold?" Lars asks.
"We're completely sold out for all shows", James answers.
"Are you excited to play Blake?" Jason asks.
I sit for a minute trying to process the fact that I will be playing in front of thousands of people. What if I get stage fright and mess up? I'll be made fun of by the entire world.
"Blake?" Jason says, shaking me back to reality.
"Huh? Oh, yeah I can't wait" I reply, pathetically trying to cover up the fact that I'm absolutely shitting myself.
Kirk looks over at me suspiciously, knowing I am lying.
I'm lost in the thought of me standing on the stage, pissing my pants in front of everyone. I'm starting to have a moment of doubt now.
"You've went so quiet all of a sudden", Lars says looking over at me.
"I'm just thinking about how great it'll be going on tour with you guys" I lie, knowing I'm not getting away with it.
"It's okay to be a little nervous, even we still get nervous before going on stage", Lars says.
"You'll do great Blake" says James, looking over at me with reassurance.

I smile at them and look over at Kirk when I feel him gently nudging me. He motions his head toward the door and we get up to leave the room.
"I'm not sure if I can do this, I'm sorry", I finally say to him.
"Why?" He asks, looking seriously at me now.
"I could only ever go as far as to fantasise about playing in front of thousands of people because I know I could never do it in real life. I just know it would never happen for me. I'm not like you, I'm not born to do anything like this and I'm not even a fucking rockstar. They aren't going to want to hear me, they're paying to see you".
"You have a talent Blake, me and my band can see that. When you play it's so obvious that you're born to do this", he replies.
"Look at us" he continues, motioning his hand to the guys in the next room.
"We're the biggest metal band of all time and I'm the lead guitarist. Everyday I still ask myself how the fuck that even happened but it just did. Sometimes you just have to stop questioning everything and let the shit that is meant to happen, happen. There's a reason why you decided to come to San Francisco. This is meant for you Blake".
He looks deeply into my eyes with desperation. He sees something in me that I obviously don't see in myself.
"Okay" I say finally and he smiles, making the piercing under his lip glimmer.

It's 3am by the time me and Kirk are back at his house. We had a good time with the guys, drinking beer and eating pizza in the studio. I'm starting to love spending time with the band, I feel like I'm just one of the guys.
"My band really like you", Kirk says as we make our way into his house.
"Do they really?" I ask curiously with a smile.
"They can't stop talking about how you're going to make it big one day, they're so sure it will happen for you and so am I".
"That would be so amazing if it were true", I reply.
"Would you stop that?" Kirk says, raising his voice at me.
I look back at him with a surprised look on my face.
"I'm sorry" he says softening his tone, "I just wish you knew how good you are. I really want this for you. I want you to get out there and show those people who bullied you in high school who the fuck you really are".
My eyes start to fill up with tears. I can't believe he really cares this much.
"I'm doing it", I say to him.
"I know, I just hope you don't change your mind".
"I won't, I really want to do this", I say looking straight into his eyes.

He does something to me. I never thought I would agree to play in front of thousands of people when just a week ago I was a shy, timid little girl who wouldn't even let her parents hear her play. He is already doing something to me and I'm falling so hard for him.

Wednesday morning.

I wake up to a sudden reminder that I haven't called my mom after promising her I would call everyday. I walk in to the kitchen and dial the numbers into the phone. She picks up immediately.
"Mom I'm so sorry", I say.
"You promised", she says disappointed.
"I know, I'm just so busy at the moment. So much has been happening".
"What's going on Blake?" She asks with worry in her voice.
"I've...met someone", I answer reluctantly.
"A boy? How old is he? Is he holding you hostage?" She asks seriously.
"Mom, no!" I say, laughing down the phone.
"His name is Kirk and he's a little bit of a rockstar. Actually he's a massive rockstar in a band called Metallica".
"Are you serious?" She answers, surprised.
"What is he like?" She asks curiously.
"He's incredible. We talk about music all the time and he listens to the same stuff I listen to. Mom, I'm really happy".
I can hear her getting choked up.
"My baby's happy", she says crying.
"Stop, you're being dramatic", I say laughing.
"It's just been so long since you have said that. Me and your father have always worried about you".
"I know", I say as my eyes start to fill up with tears.
"I couldn't be more happier to hear you say that Blake and that boy better be taking good care of you".
"He is mom and we're just friends", I reply.
"Okay then, I'll let you go now sweetie. I love you".
"I love you too", I say and hang up the phone.
Kirk is standing behind me with a big smile on his face.
"Shit, how long have you been standing there?" I say startled, letting out an awkward laugh.
I blush and look down from his face as he starts to walk closer to me.
"We're just friends?" He asks, as he slowly reaches out and grabs my chin to look up at him.
"You know you're not that good at lying", he says as I look up at him with a flustered face.
His dark brown eyes stare into mine, making me feel weak at the knees. I can hear my heart beating fast in my ears as he leans in closer to my lips. He stares deeply into my eyes and allows his lips to hover over mine for a minute. I close my eyes, feeling his hot breath on my lips until the phone suddenly rings, interrupting the moment.