ROCK MY WORLD

13. Groupie Girl

I wake up with Kirk fast asleep next to me. I can't help myself but stare at him for a moment, watching him sleep peacefully. I smile at him before slowly getting out of the bed to go to the bathroom.
Grossed out by how sweaty I am after sleeping in my oversized sweatshirt, I strip out of my clothes and jump in to the shower. As I stand underneath the showerhead, I'm instantly hit with the reminder that I will be performing in front of thousands of people tonight. I attempt to block out my anxious thoughts by closing my eyes, focusing on the water as it runs over my face and down my body.
I suddenly hear the door knob turning and my eyes dart open as Kirk walks in.
"Kirk!" I squel, holding up my arms to attempt to cover myself.
"Oh shit, sorry!" he exclaims with a red face before quickly shutting the door behind him.

I turn the shower off and get out, drying myself off before putting my clothes back on. I slowly open the bathroom door with a red and flustered face as Kirk sits on the bed playing his guitar. He looks up at me and blushes.
"I'm so sorry Blake, I thought you went back to your hotel room".
"It's fine" I reply, laughing awkwardly.
He looks at me for moment, subtly scanning his eyes up and down my body as he bites down on his bottom lip, giving me a knot in my stomach. He blushes once he realises he is staring at me and quickly goes back to play his guitar.
"What time are we going to the Staples Center?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
"About 7, the show starts at 8", he replies.
"Can you help me practice the riff some more?" I ask.
"Yeah, come here", he says and I sit down beside him.
"The problem you're having is that you're not playing with emotion. You're focused on how hard you believe the riff is rather than focusing on how the song makes you feel" he says, handing me his guitar.
I put my fingers in to position and play the riff but fail again.
"I know how to do it but it just doesn't sound good", I reply before looking away from him to hide my tears.
"Blake" he says, grabbing my face to look at him as he stares deeply into my eyes.
"Tonight you will play it perfectly, I know you will".
"How do you know?"
"I asked you in rehearsal if you trusted me and you said you did, didn't you?"
I nod as I stare back him.
"Then trust me" he says, holding my face in his hands.

He looks into my eyes for a moment before we are interrupted by loud knocking.
"Kirk!" Lars shouts, as he violently bangs on the door.
Kirk gets up to open the door and the guys walk in.
"Oh, hey Blake" James says, smiling over at me.
"We have a bit of a problem", he says turning to Kirk.
"What?" Kirk asks.
James holds up the 'Metal Heads Magazine', showing a photo of me on the front cover walking out of the Staples Center with the band.
"What is that?" I ask as I get up and rush over to James, grabbing the magazine from his hand.
I stare at it as the headline reads, 'New Groupie Girl of Metallica?' in bold capital letters across the top.
I slowly back away, staring down at myself on the front cover and sit down on the couch.
"I can't believe this".
"I knew this was going to happen" Kirk says, sitting down next to me.
"They put up anything on the headlines, it doesn't mean anything", Jason says.
"But I have to perform tonight, what if they boo me off?"
"They won't Blake" Kirk says as he turns to face me, looking desperately into my eyes.
"Don't let this make you flake out", Lars says.
I bite the inside of lip, staring blankly in front of me. I can't help but think about how it feels like my years of getting bullied in high school are suddenly coming back, only it's 10x worse and I'm getting called a groupie.
"Blake?" Says Kirk, staring over at me with concern.
"I'm fine", I say suddenly as I stand up from the couch, feeling my tears roll down my face.
"I'm going down to the desk to get my room unlocked, see you guys later" I say, wiping away my tears as I quickly leave the room, shutting the door behind me.

I stand for a moment with my back against the door, crying silently in the middle of the hall. How am I meant to do this? I don't want to disappoint Kirk and the rest of the band. I have already came so far with myself and Kirk has been the only one to help me do that. I take a deep a breath in and wipe away my tears before making my way down to the lobby.

A few hours later.

It's an hour before we have to leave to go to The Staples Center. I have been sitting in my hotel room most of the day, thinking about what is going to happen once I walk out on to that stage. The door knocks and I walk over to open it, letting Kirk walk in as I sit back down on the couch.
He walks over to me with concern on his face.
"Blake" he says, sitting down next to me.
"I'm fine" I say, before letting him say anything else.
"Look, I know that you were already nervous about performing and this obviously hasn't made you feel any better but-"
"Kirk, I'm okay", I say as I turn to face him.
He stares into my eyes as they start to fill up with tears. I can't let him down. I promised him that I would do this and I promised myself.
"We should probably start getting ready to leave soon" I say suddenly, standing up from the couch as I quickly wipe away my tears.
He reaches out and grabs my hand before I can walk away. He stands up from the couch and looks down at me for a moment, gripping my hand in his. He stares deeply into my eyes before pressing his lips softly against my forehead. I get butterflies in my stomach at the sudden gesture, closing my eyes as I try to hold back my tears again.
He stops kissing me and rests his forehead against mine for a moment, stroking my hand with his thumb as though to comfort me.
"We're meeting in the lobby" he says softly, before letting go of my hand.
I open my eyes as he closes the door behind him and I swallow hard, trying to gather myself together. I head in to the bathroom and turn on the cold water in the sink, splashing it on my face.
"Fuck", I say out loud as I stare at myself in the mirror.

I take a deep breath in and leave the hotel room to meet the band in the lobby. The elevator opens and the guys are sitting comfortably on the couch.
"There she is" says James with a smile, as he notices me walking out of the elevator.
They stand up as I walk over to them with a smile and Kirk suddenly pulls me in for a hug.
"I didn't think you were going to come down" he says, holding me in his arms.
He lets go of me and I look up at him.
"I said I trust you and I do", I reply.
He smiles down at me and we make our way in to the bus.