ROCK MY WORLD

28. Seattle

Kirk's Perspective

We arrive at our hotel in Seattle. I push the key into the lock and open the door. Blake throws her stuff on to the bed before unzipping her suitcase, putting her clothes in to the drawers and hanging up her kimonos. I'm surprised to see that she still has her 70s styled clothes. I assumed that Cassandra would have raked them all out from her luggage and replaced her wardrobe with black and leather by now. I guess she's still that cute little hippie inside. I wish I was as grounded as her when I first started to get recognised.
"Can you pass me my soap bag?"
She asks, putting the last of her clothes in the drawer.
I unzip her flowery handbag and I lift out her soap bag, handing it over to her. She walks in to the bathroom, setting out her toothbrush and toothpaste next to the sink. I look back down at her handbag on the bed and suddenly take notice of a tiny white bag peeking out from underneath her hairbrush. I frown as I look at it for a minute before taking a quick glance over at her as she rummages through her things. I quietly slide the bag out from underneath the hairbrush, desperately trying not to shift her things around. I stare down at in my hands. No...Blake.
"Kirk, have you seen my lotion?"
She walks out from the bathroom and I quickly turn away from her, subtly putting the bag of cocaine in to my pocket before turning back round to face her.
"Uh...no I haven't no, is it in your suitcase?" I reply, awkwardly scratching my head as she walks over to the bed to search in her things.
"Ah, here it is" she says, lifting it from underneath the towels before looking over at me.
"You okay?" She asks, noticing the perplexed expression on my face.
"Uh...y-yeah", I stutter.
She turns away from me before heading back in to the bathroom. I stare over at her for a minute as she rummages through her things.
"Blake".
"Yeah?"
I look at her for a moment longer. She lifts her head up before turning to look over at me in the doorway, waiting for me to answer.
"Do you wanna go out for dinner tonight?"
I'm only asking so that I can keep her out of the club tonight. I'm scared that she is starting to get sucked in to the 'sex, drugs and rock n' roll' mentality.
She holds on to my stare and a smile softens her face.
"I'd love to. Do you know of any nice food places?" She asks, going back to take out her things from her bag.
"No, but we can look around. We can go somewhere fancy if you want? Wherever you wanna go".
"Oh, okay" she says, lifting up her head as she stares blankly in front of her in thought, her index finger lightly tapping her chin.
"Well to be honest, I think I'm craving a pizza".
"Then we'll get a pizza, only if you don't ask for pineapple".
"Fine, no pineapple", she says jokingly.

After spending all day rehearsing at Seattle Center Coliseum, we head over to a 5 star pizza place. Of course we had to make sure that it is somewhat secluded and not filled with screaming fans.
We walk in and take our seats at a table next to the window. Blake sits down across from me and I grab two menus from the stand, handing one over to her. I scan through the menu before stopping at the vegetarian options.
"What you wanting?" I ask, lifting up my head to look at her over the menu.
She purses up her lips as she studies the menu. She looks so cute sitting there, her brown eyes almost looking gold in this lighting as they scan across the words. I can't help myself but stare at her.
"Pepperoni pizza, what about you?" She replies.
"I'm having the vegetarian".
"Really? Why would you want a bunch of vegetables on your pizza?"
"I don't eat meat".
She raises her eyebrows.
"We have spent months out on the road and you never mentioned you were vegetarian. Actually, now that I think about it, I never saw you eat meat".
"Yeah, well you know what they say about vegetarians, we have better sex".
She blushes and I smirk. Damn... I still love seeing her go all shy and cute like that.
"Anything for you guys?" A waiter asks, walking up to us as he lifts out his notepad.
"Yeah, we'll take one pepperoni pizza and one vegetarian", I reply.
"Any drinks with that?" Asks the waiter as he jots down our order in the notepad.
"I'll take a coke".
"A coke for me too please", Blake answers.
The waiter writes it down before leaving and we slip our menus back in to the stand.
I stare at Blake for a moment, her chin resting on her hands as she looks back at me with a soft smile. I want to ask her how she is dealing with her rising fame. I'm worried about her. I don't want her to get lost in her ego like I did, taking drugs and drinking round the clock. I lost myself when Cliff passed away. He was the only one that was able to keep me and the the guys' feet on the ground and that's what I'm trying to do with her.
"How you feeling about being famous?"
She breathes out a gentle laugh through her nose.
"It's interesting. I wouldn't necessarily say I feel famous, it seems a little weird to call myself that but it is fun I have to admit".
"Do you think you'll ever make music yourself? You know, if a producer came up to you and asked you if you wanted to sign to their record label, would you do it?"
I watch as her eyes slowly glance away and look out the window in thought.
"Maybe. For some reason I never came to think of that".
"You like touring with us right?"
"Yeah".
"Well imagine doing this for the rest of your life. Doing something you love is the most freeing thing...unless you abuse it".
She looks back over at me for a moment before staring down at the table, restlessly fidgeting with her fingers in front of her. I can tell her mind is ticking with thoughts.
"Here's your pizza" the waiter says, breaking the silence at the table as he sets it down in front of us.

Blake's Perspective

We finish our pizza and make our way back to the hotel. I can feel myself becoming restless on our drive back.
We walk in to our hotel room and Kirk goes in to the bathroom. I rush over to my handbag and unzip it. Shit, where is it? I quickly rummage through my bag in a state of panic, throwing everything out on to the bed as I search for the cocaine.
Kirk opens the bathroom door and sees me emptying my bag, noticing my frustration. I look back at him as he slowly reaches in to the front pocket of his pants and pulls out the cocaine. I glance down at it as he holds it out in front of him and I look back up at his face.
"Blake..."
My heart sinks. He slowly walks up to me and grabs my hand, leading me over to the couch. I sit down beside him and he stares down at the floor for a moment, collecting his thoughts.
"I'm sorry", he says finally and I look over at him confused.
"What?"
"It's my fault. I was meant to protect you and keep you away from all of that. Everyone thinks they want the sex and drugs part of the rock n' roll lifestyle. It's nothing but an illusion. I slept with groupies and I done cocaine, convincing myself that I was having fun but it was down to my depression after Cliff died. None of us could cope with his passing. James became an alcoholic and had anger issues while I was high out of my head on crack. I got Lars into it and soon after he started shooting up heroin. He enjoyed his drugs, it's like he's fit for that lifestyle. On top of all that, everyone's eyes were on us as we got more and more famous. It wasn't how I wanted it to turn out. I wanted to experience our success with Cliff but he wasn't there. He was the one that held us together, he was the one that helped us stay grounded and when we lost him, our world shattered and we also lost ourselves in the process. Yeah we were getting filthy rich but I never gave a fuck about the money. Cliff wasn't here and our music didn't sound the same anymore. We held auditions for a new bassist to join and we finally found Jason after months of going through temporary bass players".
He sighs.
"I feel like I've sucked you into doing this. I've forced you to come out on the road with us and now-"
I shake my head.
"No, no Kirk look at me", I grab his face to make him look at me.
"You haven't forced me into anything, these past few months have been the best months of my life. I couldn't have ever imagined myself getting up on a stage and playing guitar in front of thousands of people. And me taking cocaine isn't your fault. I was drunk and I made a stupid, impulsive decision".
I stare deeply into his eyes with desperation as he stares back at me. He slowly reaches up to my hands on his face and holds them in his.
"I'll help you break the addiction okay? I done it by myself, it's possible", he says and I nod.
He glances back down at the cocaine for a moment and he suddenly furrows his eyebrows in thought.
"What is it?" I ask, looking at him curiously.
"Who gave you it?"
I swallow hard when I suddenly notice anger building up in his eyes.
"Lars.."
His eyes suddenly glance up in front of him, staring over at the door for a moment and his hands clench into fists.
"Kirk?"
His jaw tightens with fury and I notice the muscles in his head spasming. My stomach drops as I notice that familiar anger take over his face, the same anger that took over him the night he beat up that guy at the bar in Salt Lake City. He gets up from the couch and storms out of the room.