ROCK MY WORLD

30. All That Matters

Kirk

No no no this can't be happening...this can't be real. I run toward the elevators, my heart pounding in my chest. The thought of never seeing her again terrifies me.
I rush down the hallway and make it to the elevators, the doors slowly closing as Blake's face disappears in the gap.
"Blake!" I shout, running toward the elevator.
"Shit!" I bang my hands on the doors in a state of panic. I can't even think straight.
I quickly hit the button on the wall and stand with my hands shaking to my sides as I wait restlessly for the second elevator to open. I can't let this girl go, I can't let her leave me. She's all that matters.
The elevator is taking too long and I skim my eyes around the hallway, everything suddenly feeling like a blur as I search for the stairs. I spot the luminous green sign pointing toward the exit of the staircase at the end of the hallway and I sprint as fast as I can toward them.
My heart is beating so fast right now. I'm not sure if it's mainly due to the fact that I'm running so fast, faster than I've ever ran in my life or if it's because I'm losing the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. In all my years of being in a band, to win awards for the greatest album of the year, to look down upon the millions of people that scream and worship me on the stage...no amount of success can compare to Blake. She's the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I'm not losing her.
I make it to the end of the hallway and I push through the doors, dodging a little elderly couple before running down the stairs.

I make it to the lobby where I notice Blake through the windows of the doors. She opens the trunk of the cab and puts in her suitcase and handbag. Shit. Please, no.
I run through the lobby as she makes her way over to the back passenger seats and opens the door.
I push through the doors of the hotel, desperately squeezing myself past the crowds of people as I make it outside. She turns round to notice me and lets out a slight gasp, looking back at me with red and puffy eyes. We stand in silence for a moment looking at each other with the same thoughts in mind.
"Please", I beg as tears flow out of my eyes, "We can make this wor-".
She gently shakes her head, looking back at me with pain in her eyes.
"I have to go home", she says. I can hear the pain in her voice as she struggles to hold back her tears.
"Let me go with you" I reply, walking up to her, grabbing her hands in mine and squeezing them gently as I stare at her with desperation.
She looks down at my hands clasped over hers and lets out a defeated sigh.
"Kirk..." she pauses before looking back up at me, "I couldn't be more grateful for everything".
Tears begin to fall from her eyes.
"I can't thank you enough for taking me with you when I was at the lowest point in my life. I felt so lost before I met you and everything suddenly made sense for a while. Suddenly life didn't seem so scary, being spontaneous didn't seem scary, the thought of performing in front of millions of people didn't seem impossible because you were there" she says, wiping away her tears before holding on to my hands again, swallowing hard. "Nobody has ever cared about me as much as you" she pauses again before continuing, trying to collect herself.
"But..."
I let out a slight whimper as I get caught on my tears, holding my breath for a second as my hands tighten around hers.
"We aren't going to work out. I believe things happen for a reason and it may not make sense right now, but there was a reason why we met. You've got a great life Kirk, you're living out your destiny but I'm still damaged. I still don't know what I want or what's meant for me or who the fuck I am yet and I'm so scared. I'm so fucking scared Kirk. But you need to know that it isn't your responsibility to make me happy. That's on me".
I've lost all train of thought, her words piercing through my chest like a sharp knife. I can't even speak. She grabs my face in her hands and stares into my eyes.
"Those were the best months of my life and I'll never forget them".
She stares at me for a moment longer, longer than she has ever looked at me before slowly leaning in to kiss me on my cheek. I close my eyes, knowing that this will be the last time that I will feel her lips on my skin.
"I love you" she whispers gently, her voice getting caught on her tears and my heart sinks at her words. I grab her hands as tears fall down my face. She looks up at me for another moment before letting her hands slip out of mine.
I stand in silence, staring at her as she gets in to the cab. The moment that she drives off, I suddenly feel like I can't breathe. I watch as the cab gets smaller and smaller in the distance. She left...she really left. I shut my eyes tight, hoping that this is all just a dream and I wake up with her next to me or that she will turn back round and get out of the cab. That she will run up to me, wrap her arms around me and tell me that we can make this work. But she doesn't. She's not coming back.