Hello Sadness

18

I suggest to listen to 'If the World was Ending' while reading this ep.
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Pagkatapos naming kumain, nagpunta kami sa mall. Nabanggit kasi ni Luke kanina habang kumakain na mayroon daw siyang bibilhing regalo dito para sa sa ate niya na g'graduate na this year. Muntik ko nang makalimutan na may ate pala siyang nag-aaral ng tourism at graduating na ngayon. Ando'n ang ate niya sa US for OJT not to mention sa isang 5-star hotel.

"Kailan ba uuwi ang ate mo?"

"Next month uuwi siya kaya balak ko bumili ng graduation gift para sa kaniya. Ano bang magandang pangregalo para kay ate?"

Ano nga bang magandang pangregalo sa kaniya?

"Ano ba ang hilig ng ate mo?"

"Mahilig sa bags and sandals si ate pero madami na kasi siyang gano'n kaya gusto ko ng iba."

"Personalize necklace?"

"Sounds nice. Teka parang may alam akong gumagawa ng ganyan dito."

Pinuntahan namin ang isang stall dito sa mall kung saan may gumagawa ng personalize na kwentas. Pagkapasok namin do'n, may nakahelerang mga magagandang kwentas. Habang kinakausap ni Luke ang lalaking gumagawa ng kwentas, pinagmamasdan ko lang ang mga kwentas. Nahagip ng mata ko ang isang kwentas na hugis g-cleff na may perlas sa gitna. Ang ganda. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi 'yon hawakan kasi ang ganda talaga. For those who don't know mahilig ako sa music kaya nang makita ko 'to, parang nagkaroon ako ng kagustuhang bilhin 'to.

"Hayaan mo, pag-iipunan kita." Bulong ko sa sarili ko.

"Ano 'yan?" Nagulat ako nang biglang magsalita si Luke mula sa likod ko.

"Wala. Tapos na ba?"

"Hindi pa. Balikan ko lang daw bukas ng umaga."

"Okay." Nauna na akong lumabas mula sa stall. Napansin kong hindi pa nakasunod si Luke mukhang may pinag-uusapan pa sila saglit. Kaya naghintay muna ako sandali at ibinaling ang tingin ko sa FunTimes kung saan nakikita ko ang ibang mga couples na masayang naglalaro do'n ng basketball, dance mania, ta's baril-barilan yata 'yon? May iba nasa may photo booth at 'yong iba nagdu'duet sa karaoke station. 'kala mo naman magtatagal.

"Tara may pupuntahan tayo." Nasabi ni Luke habang papalapit sa 'kin.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko nang akmang sasakay na kami sa escalator papunta sa 4th floor ng mall.

Hindi ko magawang kunin ang kamay ko nang gawin niya 'yon. I don't know but I admit, I feel safe. Again.

Nang makarating kami sa taas, there I saw different instruments. May balak ba siyang bumili ng instrumento?

Nakahawak pa rin siya sa kamay ko na parang gusto niya ng assurance na nakasunod ako sa kaniya. He led the way papunta sa isang corner kung saan may piano.

"Anong gagawin natin dito?"

Ngumiti lamang siya at hindi ako sinagot. Binitawan niya ang kamay ko at nagsimulang umupo sa grand piano bench at nagsimulang tugtugin ang isang pamilyar na kanta.

Him:
I was distracted
And in traffic
I didn't feel it
When the earthquake happened
But it really got me thinkin'
Were you out drinkin'?
Were you in the living room
Chillin' watchin' television?
It's been a year now
Think I've figured out how
How to let you go and let communication die out

Looking at him playing the piano and sang the song seems like he wanna know if his girl is okay right now.
I can't avoid myself na hindi siya lapitan habang tinutugtog at kinakanta ang bawat liriko ng kanta. I remained myself standing beside him watching as he feel the music.

I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine
I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine.

He looks at me like I was the girl he's referring to.

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

Will she come over?

You'd come over and you'd stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

When he sang that lyrics, bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. No this couldn't be.

The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight
And there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
Right?

I'm not her. And I shouldn't be her Luke.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
Right?

He signalled me to sing my verse.

Her:
I tried to imagine
Your reaction
It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened
But it really got me thinkin'
That night we went drinkin'
Stumbled in the house
And didn't make it past the kitchen
Ah, it's been a year now
Think I've figured out how
How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out

Am I acting as her? Or am I acting my future?

I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine
I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

Bakit ako nasasaktan?

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

Kung dumating man ang panahon na 'yon, darating ka naman diba? Kung darating man ang panahon na mahulog ako sa'yo, sasaluhin mo ako diba?

You'd come over and you'd stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

Will you stay with me if tell you I need you.

The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight
No, there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
You'd come over, right?
You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

Right?

Him:
I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine

Alam ko, Luke. I am not her.

Both:
I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine.

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
You'd come over and you'd stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
The sky'd be falling while I hold you tight
No, there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye
If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

The moment we looked at each other's eyes is an assurance that he'll come over.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

From this day forward, I know I started to trust a man again. To fall in love, again.

Even now, I know I'm not her and I will never be her. But I trust him that he'll come over. I know he'll come over.