THE WIDOWER.

CHAPTER 29.

Nora slowly walked in the place she was familiar with for the past ten years. She could trace the place with her eyes closed.
She walked down the narrow path as her brown boots echoed the stony path. She moved in a slow rhythm approaching the white stone and as she went close she remembered how much she missed her sister.
She came to a stand still and looked at the name engraved on it. 'Lora Kimani, a daughter and a sister. An angel on earth.' She scoffed at the inscription and gazed at it with weariness.
"I am getting tired sis,I am getting tired of waiting for you to come back. I have searched for you and God knows I have done what a sister could do. Would I be selfish if I let you go? I am sorry I did not know what was going on in the house. You know that I would have probably stabbed him to death for what he did to you. I miss you sis. I miss hearing you call me 'sissy' and I miss our little times under the mango tree dreaming of growing old together while our children become best friends and cousins. We were to take a trip to mount Kilimanjaro,I did and it is breath taking." Nora conversed with the cold graved stone as tears dripped without control.
"I am just getting tired of holding on for so long and I am feeling like everything I have is slipping away from me. My mask is falling and my cold heart is warming. I hate it you are not here to see all this." Nora sniffed as she sat down.
This was the only place she could be herself and not be afraid of people seeing how broken she was. She was brave and courageous but she was still afraid of so much. It was the only place she put away her facade and become the eighteen year old who lost her sister. The little girl who cried after her father left. The big sister she wanted to be for her twin sister. The daughter who longed for her mother to rescue her from the abusive step father. The woman who wanted to love and be loved but did not know how. The successful career woman full of loneliness and scars on her body as well as her heart.
"I met someone sis,his name is Christopher Junior but he prefers CJ. He is a christian and he likes me. I like him but I don't want to let him in because if he sees me he would ran away. He loves God,and has rescued a little girl named Olive. He is handsome,I think but above all different. He is always calm and collected. He was married before but his wife passed away eight years ago. I want to see him and talk to him everyday but he is so religious I don't know if I can meet those standards. I know you believed in God but I have had a hard time believing in Him especially after everything that happened to us. He loves Jesus but it is still so hard not to get angry with Him,for leaving us,for taking you away from us,Where was God when we needed Him?" Nora chuckled bitterly. She still had a hard time believing in God. She knew He was there but it is like He concerned Himself with other people and not them.
"I know that this is not how we wanted our lives to be but we don't have a choice. I am sorry that I did not get to say goodbye. We didn't have the body to bury just your favorite dress and shoes we put in here. I have searched for you and my efforts have not availed,I don't know if you are still alive or dead. Every trace hits a rock and I am getting tired sis. I have been tough for a long time and I don't know how else to be. He may be God sent, Jade,Olive I am not sure if I know how God works but I am going to give it a rest. Jade loves me like a sister she never had but I still find it hard to love like her. I hope someday I will." Nora sighed as she understood that she could not go on carrying her barrage like that anymore.
CJ has already seen her through the crack she created yesterday. Jade had the right to know first before CJ.
"I want to scream and shout my anger and frustration to this God,but I have never even seen an evidence of His superiority. I have seen the worst kind of evil and I wonder where He is? I am not sure anymore of anything all I know is work and find justice for every crime. Somewhere along the way I saw how the world and human alike is relentlessly evil. Nothing can stop it except for some high power or something. I know I am not better because I have seen the darkest pits of myself and I don't like them. " Nora went on pouring out her heart.
"There is one man whom I use to date some few years back,I caught him cheating on me with my neighbor's sister and to be honest I almost shot them dead without thinking. Instead I broke the man's arm and sent the girl outside naked in the middle of the night. See right there I saw how evil our hearts are. I hope where you are you have found rest. I will try find peace for I still have nightmares. I dream of faceless people cutting me,sometimes I see blood drenching my clothes,at times I see me holding your lifeless body. I see our stepfather every single night and they are not good dreams. I hope someday I will find peace." Nora said standing up knowing this would be the last time she would be coming to this place.
"I will always have you in my heart sis,always." She said as she turned away from the said place. She forced her heel to move with determination never to return again.
Her phone rang,"Nora bear,we are going into labour."Rick spoke breathlessly.
"Isn't it quite early? " Nora asked as she reversed her car.
"Yes,I am taking her to the hospital. I pray there will not be any complications." He prayed.
"I will met you there." She said as she accelerated the speed of the moving car.
She fought herself not to cry again. She knew that her facade was falling and this was not how she had imagined her life.
"I don't know if you are real but if you are help me understand why I had to lose my sister. I wouldn't understand how a big God like you would let people get hurt. I am talking about good people. Children being snatched away from their parents by pedophiles. People killing others out if greed. Children being sold as sex workers. Why would you let this happen? Why would you allow us to go through such hell of pain and misery?" She sniffed. She laughed at her ridiculous questions. " Did she expect God to really answer her?"
She thought.
"If you are real, show me that by helping my best friend Jade and her baby be safe. Save them. I know I am not the best candidate to ask you this but I do. I want them to live and I promise I will show her how much I love her." Nora prayed even though her mind told her it was ridiculous to do so.
She hoped God heard her.