THE WIDOWER.

CHAPTER 38.

Nora chewed her popcorns slowly as she watched the animation with Olive.
Her mind was still drumming with insecurities after the beautiful light skinned doctor walked in yesterday.
She looked so confident and held her conversations at ease and eloquence.
Her manners were perfect and she managed to intrigue her partner,Richard.
She kept dragging CJ out of his melancholy and she managed to make him smile.
Sally, Jade's mother complimented her and made the elder woman giggled at her wits.
In short the evening for her was miserable.
They talked with Soni about recipes and Daniel on cars. She looked like the host of the party.
She helped Jade with her daughter and some doctorly advice on how to take care of Lora.
She seemed to be the center of attention and it never bothered her to be.
She tried to engage her to talk about politics and economy of the country but Nora's mind was on their argument with CJ earlier on.
He kept on throwing glances at her but she ignored him. He wondered why he never bothered to tell her about Pendo and their friendship.
A streak of jealousy gnawed her the entire evening. Olive was all engaged with Pendo as they kept on talking after they shared drinks.
Jade noted her misery and tried to make her smile.
"I didn't know it would have been a big deal to invite her over." Jade smiled at her best friend.
"It is not. CJ would have given me a heads up." She lamented.
"It was supposed to be a surprise." Jade reminded her.
"It is not about the party but about their friendship." Nora specified.
"Did you two fight?" Jade asked.
"How did you know?" She frowned.
"Because when he broke the glass with his hand and you both disappeared in the guest room, I heard you two quarrel. Then the entire evening you have been avoiding him." Jade summarized.
"It's that obvious?" She groaned.
"Maybe to those with eyes." She winked at her.
Nora shifted as she replayed the entire evening.
Sally walked in carrying a bowl of fruits and summoned her to come sit with her outside.
Nora followed leaving a livid Olive watching.
"The sun here is beautiful." She said as she sat on the sit.
Nora nodded in agreement.
"What is going on? Talk to the old lady." Sally urged her.
"Nothing much, just work prob.." Sally cocked her eyebrows to indicate she is not buying her nonchalance.
"I care about someone deeply and I think I shouldn't." Nora breathed.
"And this someone is he sharing your sentiments?" She smiled.
"Why are you insinuating he? It could be a she or a dog." She quipped drily.
"Cause I know a dog and a she cannot have you worked up like I saw you yesterday." She hinted that she knew her too well.
"I don't know but he has said he likes me very much and wanted me to give him a chance to prove himself."she explained.
"And has he?" She pushed.
"At first yes but at the moment he seems determined to push everyone away." She gritted her teeth.
"By everyone I take it to be you. Why do you think he is doing so?" She questioned as she gave an apple.
"Maybe because he found out that his wife who passed away didn't love him as much as he did and he is afraid that she had a child out wedlock with another man that she had kept as a secret. Maybe his wife wanted out of the marriage to be with her former lover." She gave a brief explanation of what CJ had told her.
Sally paused and looked at her and all the cheerfulness vanished.
"Don't you think that's a valid reason? How would react if someone you loved betrayed you just did the same to you. They lied and were not honest? Would you  still be open to accept people in your life?" She interrogated her.
Nora was quiet and watched the woman who welcomed her into her home. She insisted she called her mom and when she could not told her it was okay to call her sally. She had aged well but her resemblance to Jade was there. It was like she looking at her best friend.
"Darling, when a someone hurts you, you build walls. You protect yourself from the same incidence happening again. We are human and it is in our nature to try and defend ourselves.
CJ has lost so much. He lost his parents, his wife and their daughter. Even the beautiful memories he had of his wife are now gone and replaced with bitterness,anger and betrayal. He is grieving Nora. It is like he is losing his wife all over again." She spoke tenderly.
"Now what happens?" She asked as understanding dawn on her.
"Try and be there for him. We think men don't need emotional support because they were told real men don't cry or show emotions but in reality they do. The need to be cared for and loved not with conditions but with respect and understanding. I have been married to the Jade's dad for thirty eight years and even so I still show him he can lean on me. That he doesn't have to carry the entire load himself, I am his wife and partner in everything. Great relationships don't thrive in absence of difficulties and trials but in the midst of them you create a strong connection." She explained further.
Nora watched the woman before her and nodded.
"What if he doesn't want me to, I mean that's practical." She reasoned.
"Girl please! He needs you now more than before. They act like so but that's not true." She grunted with a laughter.
Nora smiled.
"He likes you more than a friend and I see it in his eyes." She confessed.
"No,I am not good enough for him. He is religious and I don't think I can measure up. He and Pendo fit well because they share the same faith." Nora dismissed Sally's claims.
"Are you kidding me? Those two would never work. Pendo and CJ don't have an underlying chemistry like you two do. I am not saying this in a bad way or to gossip but Pendo is an overbearing character. Did you see the way she kept pushing him to have vegetables even after CJ said he didn't want to? CJ being a gentleman gave in to avert the attention." Sally mocked the attempt.
"We live in a society where empowered women have been taught that saying 'you got this!' All the time is appealing. That being too feminine is not appealing for you will be viewed weak and old school. My bible teaches me how to be a woman is not to compete with a man but to be secure enough in my femininity for God made me to be that way. This has been a fight since the garden of Eden. God creating man first and then a woman later as his helper was not about value but order because God is an orderly God." She expounded.
Nora listened intently.
"I am not saying being passive is true womanhood I am saying knowing who you are and who gives you your worth makes all the difference. I am the big mouth in my family and I don't hide my true thoughts from anyone while my husband is more of quiet,laid back and hates arguments but I give him the space to act and be the man God created him to be. I am committed to him not carnally or just because of selfish motives. No I see him as the man I prayed to get and I prayed to be the woman he will need. So my dear you can be a CEO, a nurse,a business woman, an activist,or a housewife and still know your place and be secure about it. God didn't create this competition between a man and a woman. No he wanted partners,workers and servant in marriage that would demonstrate Christ's love for the church,His servitude and His work that He laid his life for this body (church) so as to demonstrate what true love means." She echoed the words.
Nora was now intrigued and never viewed marriage in such a dimension.
"All this profession for cupid kind of love doesn't work but love is not devoid of emotions. It is just a choice, a very deliberate choice. 'For all the butterflies feeling and hair at the back of the neck when he touches you' experiences have an expiry date when that relationship is tested. Am I saying there is no attraction? No,there's attraction but with a deeper reverence of knowing the other person loves you for who you are as an individual." She spoke and Nora saw wisdom ooze from her.
"I will tell you like I told Jade when she professed to be in love with Rick when she was seventeen. Be patient and don't be fooled by emotions because when you sober up regret has a way of slapping you on your face.
Be patient with him and also take this time to grow Nora. I see you have come a long way but there is still work to do." She chewed the last piece of the apple.
Nora stared at her palms and nodded. Sally patted her as she went back inside living Nora to herself.
Her mind was now racing.
"Who are you Nora?" A voice whispered.
"Do you know who you are?" She sighed and went back. That was a lot to chew.
Jade met her from her nap with a cranky Lora.
Nora offered to hold her as Jade sat comfortably. Nora stared the little girl and shushed her.
She gently rocked her and Lora was quiet. She opened her little mouth to give a yawn as he little hands stretched.
"I think she loves you more than all of us." Jade said tiredly."
Nora chuckled, "I don't think so maybe you are not rocking her well."
Jade scoffed.
Within a few minutes she was sleeping and Nora sat with her little niece.