THE WIDOWER.

CHAPTER 40.

Nora listened intently to CJ's finding about Shona and how that had wrought him to the core.
He watched him explain his disappointments and that he was truly sorry on how he behaved during her birthday.
"Do you have anger issues?" She asked.
"No, I don't. What you saw that day is an after effect of not being able to deal with my emotions especially when I am  extremely angry it is like I am out of my body and I don't realize what I am doing until  it is too late." He explained.
Nora watched him for a bit before closing her eyes and thinking of a reply.
"So you do really like me?" He gave her a cheeky smile.
"Get over yourself." She said with a smile as she shook her head.
"Seriously, I want to know if I have cracked the code to your heart of steel!" He joked.
"Let me see." She said pretending to press some buttons on her chest.
"Not yet buddy!" She apologized with twinkling eyes.
CJ sighed.
"I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?" She went on playing along.
"No, but I will keep trying." He laughed without restraint.
He felt better.
Nora smiled at him and thought of how undeserving she was. She was not sure if it would ever work between them. He looked hopeful while she was doubtful.
"CJ I am not right for you and you know that. You shouldn't be unequally yoked or so the bible says. I heard Jade say so one time. A believer and a non-believer that sort of thing." She spoke softly.
"True, do you consider yourself a non believer?" He questioned her.
Nora thought "did she really believe in God? Was she an atheist or agnostic."
Her fear was that of trusting in a being that would not hesitate to throw her in a fiery fire if she did anything wrong.
She was scared of a powerful being one day reminiscing her dirty and many many sins before her and then her good deeds won't out weigh her bad ones then hell is her destination.
Even though Jade had explained the concept severally,Nora could not fathom that the only way to get to heaven is believing in Jesus.
"Is that it? There is no other thing to do but just faith?" She thought in confusion.
"I don't know CJ, I don't fully believe in God and I don't refute His existence either." She said as honest as she could be.
"I think you and Pendo would be a great match since you share the same faith plus I don't think marriage is for me even if I accept you in my life." She said quickly.
"Uh! Pendo and I are purely friends. No more no less. It is cliche but that is true.  we share the same faith but that does not mean we are compatible." He spoke.
Nora's thoughts eased. She smiled at him.
Nora thought of how handsome he looked from the first time they met and she had never been regarded with high esteem as CJ did with her.
To every man she was a challenge or a competition. She was a challenge to see if any man could make the stony officer smile or sleep with her just boost their ego.
She was a competition simply because she was doing a man's job that she excelled at. She was a competition with other women who thought she was prettier than them at the office which to her was vanity.
That she earned her place as a detective only because she was prettier than them not knowing the hours of training she had put. The sweat and pain of beating the odds of just being a woman.
She did not think too highly of herself because anyone can be something if they put effort and work no matter the cost.
She regarded it as vain as those who found a sense of high esteem simply because they were pretty or thought so.
Yet she still saw herself as a lost person. She really did not who she was and she never bothered much until CJ walked in her life.
She felt unworthy and empty.
"You know you should heal right? I mean from Shona's betrayal and everything that reminds you of her maybe." Nora said nervously.
"What about you? Will you heal from every pain and hurt caused by your family? Will you forgive your father,step father and mother?" He peered at her down turned eyes.
"I think I need to. The last thing Lora wanted me to do was forgive them all. I am not sure if she knew she asking for too much. It is not easy but I will try." She answered.
CJ took her hands and kissed the back of them and held them so tight.
"I think you are the best thing that has happened to me after eight years. Jesus,Olive,you and Jade's family. I thought coming here was a mistake but I am willing to put on work." CJ confessed.
Nora blushed.
"I am sure there are others." She whispered.
CJ looked at her and thought "if only things were different that she wasn't scarred and.."
He stopped those thoughts.
"I have a lot of barrages in me and I don't think it's fair to dump on you so maybe you should give Pendo a chance she will be good for you and Olive." Nora detached herself from him and stood up.
She started to walk towards the door.
"You don't have to leave you know." He said.
"Yes I do. After all my mission is over we are going to uncover Mr X and we found Gwen which is an accomplishment. I have helped Olive find a home which is a bonus for me. I think my welcome here is done. Take care of that girl and CJ find a closure to Shona's issue and I will see you whenever. Goodbye." She spoke. without much of a glance,she walked towards her car.
She thought she felt some droplets of rain only to realize they were her own tears.
She did not look at CJ's sad face.

***********
She walked in her office. James was waiting for her.
"Well if it isn't my favorite detective." James said with a bright smile.
"Hello sir, what is going on." She asked curiously.
"You have earned yourself a visit to the state house for honorary  award from the president himself. We are giving you a sabbatical leave." James said as he pushed the invitation letter.
"What about Mr X? He is now on the ran." She said quickly.
"Leave that to Richard and the team. You deserve a break and the award. Nora, you have worked your way up bravely and courageously that I haven't seen most people around here do. So when I say you deserve it take it as more of a compliment than obligation." James complimented her.
"But you know this was a team work right?" She tried to decline.
"Yes, but we are glad you represent us all here in ethics and everything our department stands for." He said with an applause.
"Thank you." She replied.
"Congratulations Miss Kimani." He shook her hand and left the room.
Nora stood there lost but decided to start parking for her sabbatical leave was for three months.
Richard walked in holding champagne.
"We need a toast." He chirped.
Nora smiled at his partner of three years no matter how much they squabbled he was the best partner who didn't take offence at a woman being on top of the game.
She knew somehow Richard would take her place one of the coming days and she knew the department was in good hands.
"Congratulations Miss Kimani. You are one of a kind." He flattered her.
Nora laughed at his flirting antics but she seemed not to mind at all after all she was used to them.