20 Questions

Chapter 140

As we turn onto our street, the nerves get the best of me. The last time I was in our house, I murdered two people. After that, I was drugged, kidnapped, shoved in a coffin and taken to a place where I was convinced I would be killed alongside my husband and bodyguard. But when I open the garage door and step into the mud room, all I feel is relief. The team had already combed the house top to bottom, cleaned it, scanned the entire area and made sure we were safe to return. It feels good to be home. It feels good to be home with my husband and my team. My parents are coming over for dinner tomorrow night because I told them we had to get situated and we desperately needed some sleep. They weren't thrilled, but they understood.

I get Hunter settled on the couch while the team brings in our stuff. I order us all some pizzas and unpack our bags while I wait for it to arrive. The team heads downstairs to do whatever it is that they do. By the time I throw a load of clothes into the washer and walk back out to the living room, Hunter is already asleep. I cover him up with a blanket, kiss his forehead and finish my unpacking.

When I walk into the bathroom, I look at the sink that Griffin sat me on as he undressed me and took care of me so thoughtfully. He was my legs when I couldn't stand, my arms when I couldn't hold myself up and my life vest when I was drowning. I think about how respectful he was as he carefully removed my clothes, stopping with each article of clothing, asking my permission before he proceeded. When I look at the shower, I close my eyes and think about how he washed me, groomed me, took over caring for me when I couldn't take care of myself. I feel his fingers running through my hair and the warm water rolling over my body. I see him standing there with beads of water rolling over his broad shoulders, cascading down his chest and swirling down the drain. I feel his body pressed against mine, holding me up and pulling me from my destructive thoughts. I recall his reassurance as the images of dead bodies replayed in my mind. With my eyes closed, I can almost feel his lips against mine and taste the cinnamon on his tongue.

Griffin was there for me, throughout it all. He held me to him, even when I've tried so valiantly to push him away. Hunter's words echo in my mind and the guilt sets in. Griffin has done so much for me. And how do I repay him? With rejection and denial and lack of affection. Griffin needs me right now like I needed him so many times before. Hell, I still need him, but I'm hardheaded and too proud to admit it. Griffin needed support and he needed it in a way that I wouldn't give him. He needed to be kissed and adored and I denied him. I've been selfish. I've taken and taken and taken and rarely given back.

That needs to change.

Maybe I needed to come to that realization in my own time. Maybe I needed Hunter to set me straight and give his permission. I had to know he wouldn't leave me, resent me or question my loyalty. I needed that verbal confirmation from him that I wasn't making a huge mistake. And him offering me this...pass, if you will, gives me all the clarity I need. Griffin needs me and I have to make this right.

I turn on my heel to go find Griffin, but my forward motion is halted by icy blue eyes. I don't know how long he's been standing there, watching me battle with myself, but he never interrupted. He just let me have my time.

"Hey, you," I smile..

"Hey, little girl."

"What are you doing in here?"

"I came upstairs to get something to drink and didn't see you in any of the rooms. I had a feeling you would be in here. I know this room doesn't hold good memories, so I thought I would come check on you."

I know you can't see it, but my heart is smiling.

"On the contrary, this room holds great memories. It's the place where you took care of me. It's the room where you set aside your own desires to make sure I was comforted. It's where you saw me at my lowest and you picked me back up, loving me anyway. It's where you washed away the ugly and replaced it with the beautiful. Even though we were kidnapped here, this room still saw great moments and I have you to thank for that."