Alter Ego [Karlnap]

Between Sanity and Madness

1-5 Boy Opposed
TW/CW: This chapter may be a bit disturbing for some. Implied loss of sanity and mentions of character death/murder.

Sapnap had done it, he finished Karl's most recently given book, and with the ending in mind, he had a frown on his face. The Lost City of Mizu... no doubt a terrible place, and one from the future. Was Karl forgetting himself? Perhaps the proper question was has he already forgotten himself and is that why he is here now.

Sapnap remembers in the diary entry that it had briefly mentioned not telling anyone how Karl knew these stories and about his... what even was it? Time-traveling capabilities? Sapnap was glad that Karl had either forgotten or was comfortable enough to share his secrets with the raven.

Book in hand, it was time to return to Karl, surely the brunet was worried about Sapnap's whereabouts, after all, he spent an oddly large amount of time reading the book he was given and thinking about the ending. Maybe this whole analyzing and reading into things was more Karl's job than his, but Sapnap couldn't help but think that one of the ways he was going to help Karl find himself and remember was by analyzing him as he does with Sapnap. Or perhaps he must find his own way.

Karl had his hands folded in front of him, his hands still covered in the dress gloves he had been wearing for the past couple of days, or maybe it had been weeks. Sapnap was always taken aback when he saw Karl standing at the ready for him instead of turning the pages of his journal, but he sat down all the same.

"Books are to me what breath is to others. I cannot stay myself without books to read, for the sake of my sanity I immerse myself in the worlds I find within. Even now, as I stand here, conversing with you, I am fighting down my very impulses..." Karl paused, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, he looked sick, disgusted with himself as he looked at Sapnap.

"To put my hands around your throat... to..."

Sapnap fought back the urge to flinch at the words and swallowed down any fear that he had creeping up his body. Karl wouldn't harm him, he knew this, this wasn't Karl, this must've been Rex's doing. Karl cleared his throat, his hands visibly tightening together.

"May I ask you something? Should I restrain my impulses? Tell me."

Saying to give them free rein was what Sapnap considered saying, but that little voice in the back of his mind told him otherwise because as much as he told himself that Karl would never lay a finger on him, he truly didn't know Karl's intentions or what he was capable of doing. From what Sapnap has gathered, Karl is a lost boy haunted by a being much greater than him, and someone who is likely bordering on mentally unstable.

"Get a hold of yourself, Karl."

Karl looked down at the desk, his hands soon coming unfolded and instead gripping onto the edges of the wooden surface, most likely to control himself or ground himself. Although he wasn't going to say Karl's name, as it felt weirdly intimate in the moment, he saw how it affected Karl to the point of being able to calm himself down quicker.

"Get a hold of myself? Is that even possible?" A dry chuckle followed Karl's words.

Sapnap instinctively brought his arms around his torso as if to hug himself to bring comfort or to defend himself, he wasn't sure which one.

"I'm... fine, now. They were just so loud. I... got confused."

Karl did look confused, and quite out of it, the boy looking zoned out for several minutes before relaxing his posture and grip on the desk. Karl took a seat in a chair that had been pulled up long before Sapnap had first arrived.

"Speaking to you seems to have calmed me. I'm well, I am. For now, I'm still alright. I know how to tame my impulses, you see. I'm fairly certain I won't do anything, like wring your sweet neck, yes, trust me."

Sapnap felt the saliva gather in the back of his throat, the urge to swallow being so strong it was painful, but he feared that even the slightest movement regardless if it was on the outside or inside, would trigger Karl to do unspeakable things. However, Sapnap still tried to convince himself that Karl wouldn't hurt him. Never, he would never.

"I'm sorry... I did not mean to scare you. I am okay, I will not harm you."

As sweet and as soft-spoken as Karl was, his words did not calm Sapnap down, and when Karl reached out a hand to hold Sapnap's, instead of his heart fluttering with an unknown emotion, he flinched and leaned away. Karl's expression was filled with hurt, and as much as Sapnap hated seeing Karl with such an expression, he couldn't bring himself to trust Karl right now. It's as if they have been sent to square one, right under strangers.

Karl opened his mouth as if to speak again, but it quickly closed, he wasn't entirely sure what to say in this situation, he quite obviously scared Sapnap and had broken a string of trust between them. Or maybe it was more like a rope, however, Karl slowly moved his hand over to Sapnap's which rested on the desk again, their hands dancing together to find a comfortable position before intertwining their fingers.

Sapnap was scared and a feeling of uncertainty washed over him when he was with Karl now, but that didn't stop his heart from doing a weird flutter that he has grown quite accustomed to while around the boy, and his fear didn't leave his vision foggy either. Karl was trying, he was battling, and although Sapnap didn't know how long the boy has been here, he does know that ever since he arrived Karl has been trying harder than before. Sapnap gave Karl's hand a pleasant squeeze, both of them sharing a smile, though Karl's was more forced and sad-looking.

Sapnap appreciated his attempt at the gesture as always. Sapnap placed Karl's third book on the desk, though he did not ask for a new one and he didn't get up to leave, he wished to ask Karl a few questions, and in return he expected answers.

"Where do you get your inspiration for these books, are these adventures you've actually been on?"

His first question was asked, he now awaited an answer. It was hit or miss with Karl on whether or not he would play this game of question and answer with him, but Karl seemed content to play.

"I'm not from this place, you see. Just like you, I am from another world, a different timeline, a place similar to your home but different in many ways. I've gone on many adventures... using the ability I possess. I write about these adventures to remember them, and of course to kill the time while I... service... here."

Sapnap nodded, letting out a low hum in acknowledgment.

"What do you mean by service?"

Karl seemed hesitant to answer this question, and it was obvious by his body language and expressions that he didn't give the full truth, but he answered as far as he was comfortable with and Sapnap appreciated his answer all the same.

"I'm a librarian here, I'm sure that much was obvious."

Sapnap rubbed his thumb across Karl's hand in a comforting way, making sure Karl knew he was safe with him and that he could be vulnerable with him, open. Maybe it was Sapnap who really needed the comforting, and not from Karl as Karl was the thing that provoked fear in the first place, but until Karl actually did some form of harm, he refused to believe he would actually hurt him.

"I wish to receive your next book before you send me off," Sapnap mentioned, standing up to prepare for his leave to his usual spot, which he has managed to decorate a bit with beanbags and other things he has found in the library.

Karl nodded, remaining seated as he grabbed his next book and slid it over to Sapnap, taking the book he had finished and setting it carefully back in its place. Sapnap picked up the new book with the same delicacy Karl had, the title reading 'The Royal Gathering.' With his new book, Sapnap ruffled Karl's hair before bounding towards his spot to begin his usually scheduled reading session.

Sapnap didn't miss the way Karl's cheeks flushed at his playful gesture.