Alter Ego [Karlnap]

Those Who Waver

3-1 Self Portrait

"I've been waiting all this time for you to come back," he paused, "how long has it been since we last talked? Just a few hours? Or... perhaps days?"

"I'm sure that time must flow strangely here. What seem like infinite hours to me... probably feel like mere moments for you. I've been plagued to such a strange dream, recently," Karl recalled.

"In it, I accept the Façade's guidance, and deny myself, repeatedly. Or, unable to refrain my impulses, I turn against the whole world. It always comes down to polar opposites."

"Either I deny myself, or I deny the world. And either way, there's not a grain of hope. In my dream, I... I'm not myself. What do you think? Is it just a regular dream? It seems somewhat like science-fiction but... you alone can tell if I'm really... here."

"Is it just my unconscious mind? Is that... my true self? Tell me... are all of my dreams actually real? Tortured to death by guilt; giving over to my impulse for destruction," Karl shook his head.

"Is that person in my dreams the true self I've been seeking?" he finally asked.

Maybe it was all a dream, maybe Karl wasn't ever real and Sapnap was going to wake up any minute now. But he refused to believe that, and this was something that Karl himself had to determine.

"You have to decide for yourself."

"You mean, I can decide which me I want to be?" the brunet questioned, his hands folded in front of him.

"It's as though the ending changes with each re-read. Am I... just like that picture book?" he paused for a long while, Sapnap waited patiently.

"Forgive me, I was lost in thought. Let's leave it at that for now. I will see you soon."

With that, their session concluded and Sapnap was left to his own thoughts once more, forever wondering and asking questions with no answers, forever reading books in search of answers to his questions. Maybe one day something will just click in his mind and everything will be realized, or he will no longer feel the need to search for the answers. Enough dwelling, he had an important conversation to have with Karl.

"So umm... about the... the kiss," he started, stumbling over his words.

Karl tensed at the mention, but he urged Sapnap to continue.

"What did it mean to you? What does it mean for us?"

Karl seemed to be lost in thought for a while, even looking like he zoned out, but he finally answered.

"As you probably already know, I'm unfamiliar with... that... kind of display of affection. I-I don't really know how to love someone, I've never had a relationship with someone like that. What I do know, is that I really liked it and whenever you're around I feel more... alive?" Karl nervously spoke, fidgeting with anything he could get his hands on.

"Do you want to try a relationship?" Sapnap looked at him hopefully.

"I-I want to try," Karl smiled shyly.

Sapnap was head over heels for this boy, that was one thing he was certain about. He stood, bringing the brunet into a tight hug and placing a gentle kiss on his head.

"Okay," Sapnap spoke, "okay," Karl returned.