Alter Ego [Karlnap]

Ego and Karl (AE)

4-6 Beyond Dreams

Karl giggled, hiding a portion of his face with the book in his hands.

"Oh, you're here, I didn't see you," Karl looked at Sapnap with a smile.

"Wait just a moment..." he continued giggling.

"When I remembered a conversation we had... I lost it, and now... I can't stop... l-laughing..." he spoke between laughs.

"I'm," he took a deep breath, "all right now. Sorry about that. So, what can I help you with? What's with that look? Is it that strange to see me laugh?"

Karl seemed to get lost in thought for a moment.

"I don't want you to see me laugh. That's why I try to refrain from it. I have the freedom to laugh as much or as little as I want, yes? Next time visit when I'm not laughing. It's... embarrassing," Karl frowned.
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"Have you written your own novel before? You see... I've tried, several times, but I can never finish something that long. Writing, up to a certain point, is quite enjoyable. But it's no use, I try to give shape to a story that's rising from the haze... the closer I get to completion, I start to realize it's a copy," Karl explained.

"There'd be merit in finishing it if it was a well-made one, but... they're always just lesser versions of books that I've read. At least, that's how it appears through my eyes. I don't have any talent for writing. Or it could be that I just don't have enough experience," he tried to reason with himself.

"Now that I think about it... I haven't written in a while since meeting you. If I spend even more time with you... I may be able to write my own stories, and then..." Karl flushed, suddenly getting shy, "you'll be my first reader, won't you?"

Sapnap smiled, of course he read Karl's tales around when they first met. But he was excited to see what kind of work Karl would produce now. He would be devastated if he wasn't his first reader.
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"Hey, I have an idea. It's embarrassing to say out loud... you know what? Never mind. I feel like you'd just laugh at how childish it sounds," Karl shook his head with a forced smile.

"No, tell me, I won't laugh, I promise," Sapnap pushed.

"Really? You promise?" Sapnap nodded, "okay, I'll trust you. So... I... I want to play make-believe."

Sapnap snorted.

"Did... did you just laugh?" Sapnap shook his head, to no avail, "you did. You laughed, didn't you? I've thought long and hard about it. I want to spend time with you, but... there's nothing but books here. I think we can still have fun using our imaginations, though."

Sapnap was struggling, Karl was just too damn cute.

"Okay," Sapnap simply stated, with a smile.

"Really...? You'll try it? Thank you, I'm so happy. Now, how do we go about doing this? We need roles to act out, right? Oh, I've thought of something. You'll promise not to laugh this time, right?"

Sapnap nodded, interlacing his pinky with Karl's despite how childish it was.

"I... believe you... so... how about pretending to be a married couple? ...Never mind. You're the only one for me, but I'm sure... you must have..."

Sapnap visibly got excited.

"It's okay Karl, let's try it."

"Really...? Is it really okay? Is that because it's merely play, or...? On second thought, don't answer that. I feel so happy right now. I'm sure my face must be bright red," Karl giggled.

"What'll become of me if things continue on like this? You should... come closer. We're married, after all. Until we can feel each other's breath... is your heart racing?"

Though they've kissed plenty of times before, it has always been fairly quick, nothing this intimate. Sapnap nodded, his heart was going ninety to nothing in his chest.

"Oh. I'm... happy. I'm the same," Karl smiled, his eyes flickering down to Sapnap's lips every now and then.

They were so close, their noses just barely out of reach, Karl could feel the raven's breath on his face.

"What do we do now? Hold hands...? Put our arms around each other? And then...? You'll teach me, right? Since we're lovers...?"

Sapnap let their noses and foreheads touch, never once breaking eye contact with the brunet. He wrapped his arms around Karl's waist, slowly connecting their lips. The kiss was slow and long, and filled with so much adoration it made Karl dizzy.

They pulled apart.

"Hah... well... that was fun," Karl smiled, "what's wrong? You look shocked. I'm quite the actor, aren't I?" he giggled, "you can't tell what was pretend and what wasn't."

"That's because I... so many times, I've... forget it, it isn't important. A little thrill like this isn't so bad once in a while, right? Come back to play again, okay?"

There was no doubt in Sapnap's mind now that he wanted to marry Karl, be with Karl forever, and that he loved him with every ounce of his being.
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ALTER EGO (AE)

A person's secondary or alternative personality. A person who behaves almost as similarly to you, your differences are unrecognizable.

EGO

McLeod, S. A. (2019, September 25). Id, ego and superego. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html

"The ego is 'that part of the ID which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world.' (Freud, 1923, p. 25)

The ego develops to mediate between the unrealistic ID and the external real world. It is the decision-making component of personality. Ideally, the ego works by reason, whereas the ID is chaotic and unreasonable.

The ego operates according to the reality principle, working out realistic ways of satisfying the ID's demands, often compromising or postponing satisfaction to avoid negative consequences of society. The ego considers social realities and norms, etiquette and rules in deciding how to behave.

Like the ID, the ego seeks pleasure (i.e., tension reduction) and avoids pain, but unlike the ID, the ego is concerned with devising a realistic strategy to obtain pleasure. The ego has no concept of right or wrong; something is good simply if it achieves its end of satisfying without causing harm to itself or the ID.

Often the ego is weak relative to the headstrong ID, and the best the ego can do is stay on, pointing the ID in the right direction and claiming some credit at the end as if the action were its own.

Freud made the analogy of the ID being a horse while the ego is the rider. Th ego is 'like a man on horseback, who has to hold in check the superior strength of the horse.' (Freud, 1923, pg. 15)

If the ego fails in its attempts to use the reality principle, and anxiety is experienced, unconscious defense mechanisms are employed, to help ward off unpleasant feelings (i.e., anxiety) or make good things feel better for the individual.

The ego engages in secondary process thinking, which is rational, realistic, and orientated towards problem-solving. If a plan of action does not work, then it is thought through again until a solution is found. This is known as reality testing and enables the person to control their impulses and demonstrate self-control, via mastery of the ego.

An important feature of clinical and social work is to enhance ego functioning and help the client test reality through assisting the client to think through their options."