Alter Ego [Karlnap]

Ego and Karl (SE)

4-4 Nightmares

"Why do you always come back? There's nothing interesting about this place. There's only a boring boy in a boring room. What worth does a place like that have? It has none, right?" he sighed.

"This is so pointless. I don't know... I don't know why you bother coming here. To chide me? To scorn me? Do you find joy in seeing me so depressed? Why... why do... I say such... terrible things to you?" he trembled.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I feel so sad. I said such heartless things to you. I'm so sorry. I feel much better thanks to you, but... it still keeps coming back to me. Another me, who I've never met... is currently glaring at me with disdain."

"This is something I must deal with on my own. The time I spend with you makes me immensely happy. However... it makes me wonder... if I deserve such happiness. Although, that shouldn't even be a concern to begin with," he mumbled the last part.

"Forgive me for going on like this. I feel much better after telling you everything. I'm still not confident in myself and I'm not used to this, but... perhaps if I stay this happy, I can change. So, please... come back, okay?"

Sapnap embraced him, the two sharing a kiss.

"I'll always come back, I promise."
────

"Did you notice...? For a minute, there... I wasn't being myself, was I? Did you see it happen? Or was it gone in a blink of the eye? You see... sometimes, I feel like I'm unwanted. I'm neither wanted nor needed. There's no point whatsoever in my existence," Karl started.

"That's what I've always thought. I can't hear the dratted Façade's voice anymore. I was able to find myself, thanks to you. That's probably why the Façade disappeared. Still... even if I can't hear them, they're like a stain marking my body," he spoke with disgust lacing his tone.

"I recall everything when I least expect it. I'm unable to think. It's as if I'm paralyzed. There are times when I wanted to simply disappear. Even now. I can be who I am because of you, it should be that way... even when you're not around. But I still don't believe in myself," he chewed his lip nervously.

"So, please... continue visiting me, I'm sure it's out of your way, but still... that way, someday..." he trailed off.

"Never mind, I got ahead of myself for a moment. I can't go on without you. I'd want to disappear if I didn't have you. So to ensure that doesn't happen... come visit me again."

Karl discovered himself with the help of Sapnap, but in order for the brunet to keep going, to build the confidence he needs to be on his own, Sapnap would help guide him. Like a bird preparing their kin to leave the nest.
────

"That... that was... I'm sorry... I had a nightmare... you abandoned me and stopped visiting. Everything felt so real, I know I can't do anything about it. It'd only be natural for you to grow tired of someone like me... who's unable to leave such a prison," Karl began to tear up.

"Sorry, I'm not doing so well, today. Even though you make the effort to come visit me... I just can't.... not.... not today."

Silence flooded the space around them, Sapnap remaining silent for Karl and rubbing gentle patterns into his hand for comfort, while Karl was on the verge of breaking down.

"Please... don't leave me alone. It was such a frightening dream. Even though I've stayed here all this time... even though I've always been so good... you're the only one who'll disappear from this world. As though... you were never even here to begin with."

Karl took a deep breath.

"I feel like I've calmed down a little after talking with you. Thank you. I'll be okay now. I'm so thankful to have you... but I want you to promise me one thing: come visit me again."
────

SUPEREGO (SE)

McLeod, S. A. (2019, September 25). Id, ego and superego. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html

"The superego incorporates the values and morals of society which are learned from one's parents and others. It develops around the age of 3-5 years during the phallic stage of psychosexual development.

The superego's function is to control the ID's impulses, especially those which society forbids, such as sex and aggression. It also has the function of persuading the ego to turn to moralistic goals rather than simply realistic ones and to strive for perfection.

The superego consists of two systems: the conscience and the ideal self. The conscience can punish the ego through causing feelings of guilt. For example, if the ego gives in to the ID's demands, the superego may make the person feel bad through guilt.

The ideal self (or ego-ideal) is an imaginary picture of how you ought to be, and represents career aspirations, how to treat other people, and how to behave as a member of society.

Behavior which falls short of the ideal self may be punished by the superego through guilt. The super-ego can also reward us through the ideal self when we behave 'properly' by making us feel proud.

If a person's ideal self is too high a standard, then whatever the person does will represent failure. The ideal self and conscience are largely determined in childhood from parental values and how you were brought up."