Alter Ego [Karlnap]

Ego and Karl (ID)

4-5 Bad Dreams
TW/CW: Implied sexual content/implied semi non-con, light kink shaming, disturbing material/violence. (No smut! No blood!)

"I don't feel like talking to you right now. Leave, already," Karl demanded.

Sapnap remained seated, silence ensued.

"Why are you still here? Didn't you hear me? I told you to leave. Don't aggravate me any further. That fucking Façade is out of the picture now, there's no one to tie me down anymore. I just want to live the way I want to," aggression laced his tone.

"So why...? Why do I... struggle so much when I think of you? There are too many things that don't go the way I want them to. Just the sight of you is making me irritated. So leave."

He didn't move.

"Stop making me so... that's enough... this isn't good; I can't pull my thoughts together. I'll be able to talk once I've calmed down. I still don't have any right to be with you. So go, already," Karl's jaw tightened and his hands balled into fists.

"I don't want you to see me like this. You enjoy seeing me like this, so... I'm sure you'll be back," he laughed maniacally, "I knew it! You really do have strange tastes, but... don't ever change..."

"It's gross when you grin like that. I've been spoiling you too much, lately. You're going to start to misunderstand... it's just as I thought. I'm not yours. I won't let you do whatever you want with me. Why don't you take care of your excitement by yourself?"

Karl grumbled.

"Ugh... you're lucky that I'm in a good mood right now. I'll let you have your way with me. Come on... whatever you want," Karl waved his hand dismissively.

Sapnap stared at Karl like he was crazy, which in this moment he thought he was.

"What's wrong? You freak out as soon as I say that you can do what you like... your hands are shaking. Could it be that this is your first time? Or is this all an act? This is what you've been waiting for, right? Karl proposed.

"Your dreams are now reality. There's no need to overthink it. Come on, what's the matter? Why...? Why do you keep looking at me so... sadly?" Karl wavered.

"You're making me look like the fool. Forget it. Something's wrong with me right now... I'd know better than anyone. Get out of here, already. Go somewhere else; anywhere else. And then, come back... to see me again."

Sapnap stood, legs trembling and hands still shaking.
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"It's so boring here. It's a drab world that's made up of only books. This may just be a room to you... but this tiny room is my entire world. I'm so sick of it that it's making me nauseous. Even though the worlds of books are so unbelievably vast... the world I'm in is too confined," Karl rambled.

"I want to ruin this place. Hey, I just thought of something lovely," he locked eyes with Sapnap, "let's destroy this world together. We can smash these bookshelves in. Everything would be better that way, I could escape this shitty world," he stared at the ceiling, raising his arms as if embracing the rain that wasn't there.

Sapnap imagined it too, Karl standing in the rain, soaked, looking up at the sky. It was beautiful.

"If I did, I'd finally be... let's get started. I'd probably break my hand or something if I tried doing this by myself. You'll help me, right? Since you're my friend?"

Karl zoned out for a while, staring at nothing in particular before finally speaking again.

"Come to think of it... what are you to me? You're my one and only, special... I don't know anymore, my mind's going haywire. This fucking world is all to blame!" he shouted at the library.

"Let's hurry and destroy it," he turned back to Sapnap who gave him a look, "you're right... I must be going insane for wanting to destroy this place. I don't know the difference between dreams and reality, anymore. It'd be stranger not to go mad from being trapped in here," he reasoned.

"That's why I want to break out of here right away. I want to go to your world, but... I know that's impossible. There's nothing more to talk about, right? You'll be back in no time. You know you have to come back... right?"

Sapnap didn't speak, not once.

"Come to think of it... do you only come to see me when I'm in a bad mood? Is this how you like to see me?" a pause, "stop grinning like that, you freak. If harsh words make you so happy... you've got one weird kink."

Karl stared at Sapnap, the raven fidgeting under his intense gaze.

"Jeez... you still won't leave? You're so annoying. To be honest... I get restless when I look at you. It's like I'm looking at myself, you show me all of the things that I hate about myself. Why are we so alike? I... know. I know why," Karl affirmed.

"I'm the one who's become more like you. You're the only one who exists to me. You're the only one for me, so.... now that I think of it... if you disappear, will I disappear, too? If I put my hands around your throat and squeeze... what will happen?"

Karl laughed.

"We can try to find out. You wouldn't mind, right?"

Karl placed his hands around Sapnap's throat with ease, squeezing.

"Yes... very good. Just relax... and let sleep... take you. Just... why...?" Karl looked at Sapnap confused, "why aren't you resisting? If you don't, I'll really... never mind," Karl released Sapnap.

The raven gasped for air.

"I'm tired. Go home. Just a reminder, in case you forgot... make sure you come back, got it?"
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ID

McLeod, S. A. (2019, September 25). Id, ego and superego. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html

"The ID is the primitive and instinctive component of personality. It consists of all the inherited (i.e., biological) components of personality present at birth, including the sex (life) instinct - Eros (which contains the libido), and the aggressive (death) instinct - Thanatos.

The ID is the impulsive (and unconscious) part of our psyche which responds directly and immediately to basic urges, needs, and desires. The personality of the newborn child is all ID and only later does it develop an ego and super-ego.

The ID remains infantile in its function throughout a person's life and does not change with time or experience, as it is not in touch with the external world. The ID is not affected by reality, logic or the everyday world, as it operates within the unconscious part of the mind.

The ID operates on the pleasure principle (Freud, 1920) which is the idea that every wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately, regardless of the consequences. When the ID achieves its demands, we experience pleasure, when it is denied we experience 'unpleasure' or tension.

The ID engages in primary process thinking, which is primitive, illogical, irrational, and fantasy oriented. This form of process thinking has no comprehension of objective reality, and is selfish and wishful in nature."