Alter Ego [Karlnap]

The Seekers

3-3 Ego

"I think... I'm done for," Karl faltered, "I've been dreaming of self-denial. It must be some sort of backlash. I dream that I'm a failure, a mistake, just as the Façade says," a forced smile.

"I dream that I'm just here to pull the wool over your eyes. I should disappear all together, if I'm gone from this world... this picture book will have its happy ending," he gazed over at Sapnap, glossy eyes.

"So I'm just going to... I'll just... I can't... my head's all jumbled. I can't tell dream from reality, there's no reason for me to even be here. There's no place for me to... belong. I... am I... unwanted?"

Oh... what a question. Perhaps Sapnap should answer with a yes, but his head too, is jumbled.

"I don't know," is all he could get out.

"I suppose I can't ask you everything, I have to work it out myself. But... like a recurring dream... I, too, must disappear someday. Perhaps, it is I, who wishes to disappear," he paused, "I wonder... if I disappear... did I disappear because that was what I desired? When I denied this world and wished for its destruction, I got what I wanted, the world shattered."

"If I think about it... it's the same either way, isn't it? My dreams always end in extremes of destruction. One way or another, the ending was the one I desired, the world in which I disappear, and the world which itself disappears. Both worlds were those which I, myself, desired."

"Yes... it makes sense. If this world is like that picture book..." he continued, "I just have to decide... what it is that I want. It all depends on my interpretation of this world, in that case... there's still a way for me."

"Come back soon, please, I'm sure we must be close, now," a gentle hand placed on another.